Why My ‘Death Anxiety’ has Increased Recently

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my husband is traveling for business until wednesday this week and over the weekend he was in canada. since we don’t have international plans, i wasn’t able to text him incessantly to ensure he was alive (and to tell him i love him of course). i was thankfully able to see his cute face twice a day when he was connected to his hotel wifi.

facetimeit has made me SO appreciate technology to make distance easier but at the same time my anxiety was feeling a little out of control.

i was reminded of when we were apart for the first 7 months of our relationship and for a solid month of that, he was backpacking through italy. i had yet to meet his parents but he would rotate either calling me or calling his mom once or twice a week to let one of us know he was okay. then we would call each other and say he was alive.

this was also in the midst of my ‘death, dying and grief’ class at college (i have a certificate in gerontology so i had the opportunity to take some pretty uplifting classes). the professor warned us that our “death anxiety” would go up because we would be talking about a lot of intense topics that aren’t usually openely discussed so it would be on our mind more.

meanwhile…this is what my then-boyfriend was doing:

ryan avery cliff jumpingdoes anyone else think he going to land directly on that rock and break every bone in his body?! thankfully he did not. he did end up getting very sick at one point and sleeping on a marble floor at a train station for a few days until we heard from him.

we have a new rule that he is never allowed to go to italy without me again.

i think my recent anxiety spike over the weekend was due to watching ‘gray’s anatomy‘ where everyone’s loved ones are either dying or they are hooking up in supply closets. i am no longer allowed to watch this when he isn’t home or isn’t easily accessible.

thankfully he’s arrived back in the united states and now i can text him until my heart (and anxiety) is content until he runs into my arms at the airport on wednesday.

does anyone else get this way when your love goes out of town? or do i just attribute this to me watching ‘lifetime movies’ as a child?

the new wifestyle: pay attention to your environment because chances are it’s effecting how you feel!

1) do you get panicky when your significant other goes out of town?
2) would you go cliff jumping?
3) trashy tv show you’re embarrassed you watch but you still do?


  1. Heather Hawkins

    April 28, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    1) I get panicky sometimes when he’s right next to me.
    2) I have before, but I think I was at a different time in my life. i’m more nervous for other people than i am for myself for the most part.
    3) weeds. orange is the new black. Its not trashy persay, just not something most would just talk about in polite company. Plus its OBVIOUSLY not something I can watch with aiden.

  2. chelsea

    April 28, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    yay heather-thanks for commenting on the blog, it brings me great joy to see when you’ve commented 🙂 i also should have clarified that i also feel panic when he’s seated next to me too…just amplified when i can’t constantly check his pulse.

    glad we are the same! even more the same….being more nervous for others than yourself-i call it empathetic anxiety and i have A LOT of it.

    love me some weeds and orange is the new black-those are addicting shows and agreed about not actually being trashy. samesies on everything. boom.

  3. jimkey66

    April 29, 2014 at 8:16 am

    1) No. I miss her, but I don’t get panicky. I know that she will exercise good judgement and not do anything to put herself at undue risk. The biggest factor, however, is that I trust God will protect her until she returns.

    2) There are things which give me an adrenaline rush, but I have no interest in cliff jumping. Besides, my sister-in-law jumped off a small one a couple of years ago, She didn’t know how deep the water was, and she hit a rock/bounder, shattering her ankle.

    3) I don’t watch much TV to begin with, so I’d say I don’t watch anything that I’d put in the “trashy TV” category.

    • chelsea

      April 29, 2014 at 10:43 am

      yay comment from jim on the blog-thank you 🙂 glad you have found ways to not get panicky while your wife is gone 🙂 and ohhhh that sounds like horrible pain your SIL endured while shattering her ankle! thank goodness it was only an ankle and nothing more. that’s good you don’t spend time on trashy tv-i try not to either but sometimes i get suckered in!

  4. Emmy

    April 29, 2014 at 11:48 am

    1) I don’t get panicky. His job makes me panicky enough and he doesn’t go far away that often.
    2)I would not go cliff jumping. I have horrible swimming skills.
    3) Worst trashy tv show I watch once in a while (although not lately), Toddlers and Tiaras. Train wrecks all over the place!!

    • chelsea

      April 30, 2014 at 10:06 am

      oh yeah i would be a wreck often if ravery was in law enforcement emmy!! and thank to admitted to your very trashy TV watching of toddlers and tiaras haha! thanks for commenting!!

  5. Brittany

    April 29, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    1. I don’t panic, I appreciate our times apart. I do feel overwhelmed and sad when I think of my life without him, though.
    2. I have cliff jumped many times. There are way too many places to do it in Sedona.
    3. Right now Game of Thrones is my obsession. I do love Grey’s anatomy and the walking dead too….I kinda sound like a TV junkie…

    • chelsea

      April 30, 2014 at 10:15 am

      i’m glad you appreciate the time apart brittany-big fan of alone time too! overwhelm is a good word when thinking about life without our significant others! oh i bet sedona has some epic cliffs to jump from-glad there has been no injury! ohhh i’ve heard game of thrones is good-maybe i’ll have to add that to my next trashy list. thanks so much for you comment and hope you’re doing well!

  6. Vivien

    April 29, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    1) Not really panic, but I do (I guess past tense, did) miss not being able to text him as much because he’d be traveling or working and with the time zone differences…yeah.
    2) Goes against my phobia of heights. And my wild imagination telling me I WILL land right on that rock over there.
    3) Don’t watch TV so much anymore 🙁

    • chelsea

      April 30, 2014 at 10:17 am

      yes it’s that lack of texting that somehow bums us out out huh vivien! i’m with you of seeing myself splat on the rock 🙂 and yeaaah netflix/hulu on my computer is my friend when ravery is gone!

  7. Brian Melket

    April 30, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    This is separation anxiety. Not death anxiety. I am never used to people leaving, I just begrudging live with it until my loved ones return. 🙂

    • chelsea

      May 1, 2014 at 11:03 am

      i suppose i should have added that i was also experiencing separation anxiety as well! like you go with it until they return brian!