How to Set Relationship Goals

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like i’ve mentioned previously, goals sort of freak me out and i used to avoid them because it’s scary to put things down on paper and for them actually exist.


then i met my husband and to say he’s “goal oriented” would be a vast understatement. he lives and breaths and more importantlyย accomplishes goals that he sets.


because of him, i now set goals and with his support and encouragement, i find them slightly less terrifying but still daunting.


we have goals for our business, for our finances, for our life in general but i just realized we don’t necessarily set goals for our relationship. through a recent blog link-up created by life with amberly and joe, this helped to bring this to my attention.


important note: your marriage should be more important than your career (in my humble opinion) and we are so focused on career goals, education goals, weight loss goals, etc but what about goals for our relationship? why don’t we set those with a fury like other ones? now is the time.

How to Set Relationship Goals

sometimes goals are easier when you start smaller because those small steps can have massive change. remember that when you set goals, they should be SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely).


i brought this up with my husband while we were having our mid-afternoon snack yesterday of spoonfuls of nutella (thanks to our friend jef in texas, we have a solid supply of this and texas cookies from the summer).

chelsea and ryan avery nutella

we are setting a few goals for the rest of the month:


electronic free zone: as with most people, our phone is often attached to us or nearby where we can see it light up and immediately attend to someone far away as opposed to the person we are sitting near. we’ve agreed to spend at least 30 minutes together with no phones or computers in sight each night. this will be hard for me because i have an addiction to taking photos but ultimately it’s a good thing.


cook 2 new recipes each: we willย each select 2 new recipes and cook them for the other person. on top of this, clean up will also be the cook’s responsibility so the other person feels ridiculously spoiled. we will each do this twice for one another. recipe ideas welcome (and please make my recipes very simple because i have messed up cereal before).


5 minutes of out-loud dreaming: it’s important to speak out loud about what you want out of life. this can be scary and feel funny at first but we are coming to realize that it’s so important to get comfortable with having big goals in life and saying them out loud. this is especially important for me and i want to do with ‘the new wifestyle’ but i often lack the confidence in myself to take it where i want to go.

the same goes for my husband and his keynoting and training. it can be scary to ask for a big ticket speech but we have to get comfortable with the value we add so taking 5 minutes each to say out loud our lofty dreams will be helpful.


here’s how you can set relationship goals:


1) identify an area that you would like to see improved in yourself


2) identify an area that you would like to see improved in your partner (come at this with love and not annoyance or trying to change your spouse)


3) where are these overlapping for you both?


4) keep the goals around 1-3 goals so you can easily focus on those and save other goals for coming months


5) set the goals together and agree to make time to meet them


by doing this, you are both investing time to create a healthier relationship and grow closer during the process. i am feeling strangely excited about making the commitment to try these tangible goals for the month (and very excited for new food to be added to our lives).

 Marriage & Relationship Goals

the new wifestyle: changing your attitude and behaviors to make your marriage a priority


share your own goals below because we all know publicizing them can hold us 100% more accountable! if you have a blog, consider joining the link-up!


oh and if you have a go-to recipe that we should try, please share!


  1. Amanda

    September 9, 2014 at 10:29 am

    I love your second goal to each cook eachother two meals a month! That seems like such a fun, great way to show your spouse some appreciation. I may have to steal that:)
    Amanda recently posted…The Perfect Dress Should Make You Want to Twirl

    • chelsea

      September 9, 2014 at 11:58 am

      steal away amanda! i am looking forward to the creativity that it will force me to evoke because we also agreed not to just make bacon and eggs or cereal ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Amberly

    September 9, 2014 at 10:58 am

    I love your goals and your suggestions for how to set goals! Thanks so much for sharing and linking up with us Chelsea! Good luck this month. I hope goals are a less scary thing for you after it’s over ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Amberly recently posted…Silly Things We Considered When Buying Our First House

    • chelsea

      September 9, 2014 at 11:59 am

      thanks amberly! i’m really excited about this and the only bummer is that i’m only getting in on it now but i suppose better late than never ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Laurie de Fleuriot

    September 10, 2014 at 6:28 am

    This is great – both hubs and myself are practiced in setting goals individually, but only recently have we been working together and setting goals inwardly, for our relationship. I love your idea for out-loud dreaming. I think this is so crucial for couples to help support and encourage each other towards our dreams.
    Laurie de Fleuriot recently posted…Marriage & Relationship Goals – September Link Up!

    • chelsea

      September 10, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      agreed laurie, there is such power when you support and encourage each other out loud! glad to hear you are setting more goals together now too!
      chelsea recently posted…How to Set Relationship Goals

  4. Charlene Maugeri

    September 10, 2014 at 6:41 am

    Wow! These are fantastic goals. I’ve tried and tried month after month to get off of my cell phone when I’m around my husband. It’s harder than it looks. I think I’ll try again. haha Good luck on your goals!

    • chelsea

      September 10, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      thanks charlene for reading and your comment! i know it can be hard to get off that phone but i think if we set little goals (we can do anything for 30 minutes, right?!) then we can accomplish that and see the benefit, which will help change our behavior. let me know how you do this time around ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Devra

    September 10, 2014 at 7:49 am

    Chelsea! You’re blog is wonderful! found it through the link up.
    Thank you for the tips on how to set goals…. goals are easy to get carried away with. Sometimes you have so many things you think would be awesome to do that it is hard to focus on what you should do.
    Also, I love your goal about the out loud dreaming. It’s so important and empowering to bounce things off of each other. I know for Will and I we are so different from each other that when we dream out loud together it can take a dream from good to great, from vague to detailed. =)
    Devra recently posted…Marriage Goals โ€“ September

    • chelsea

      September 10, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      yay glad we connected devra! goals are super easy to get carried away with, which can be a great thing that there are many things we want to do but less great when we realize we can’t accomplish everything at once.

      so glad you agree with the dreaming out loud, it’s already empowered me a ton and i’ve only done it once! excited to see how i feel at the end of the month. glad to hear that you and will do this and see so much value in going from good to great ๐Ÿ™‚

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  7. jennifermckennasays

    September 17, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    Hi Chelsea!
    Great post! I think you are right. We are rabid about career goals but no real guide for “relationship goals” amd tne importance of those.

    1. One goal we are actively working on is etadicating our debt. That is most definitely a team effort and I know I couldn’t do it without his help.

    2. We cook paleo items- one of my favourite things he did was find a way to make gumbo paleo and its amazing!

    Here is the recipe and instructions
    Feel free to ask questions!

    Paleo Gumbo-

    what you will need:
    4lb bag boneless,skinless fajita meat
    4lbs smoked sausage
    2 big (40 oz) bags frozen cut okra
    2 small bags (16oz)- frozen normandy
    112 oz diced tomatoes
    4 full bay leaves
    .03 lbs chili pepper
    12 teaspoons sweet potato flour
    14 oz Creole Seasoning Mix
    12 teaspoons olive oil
    1 lb bag of quinoa

    Chop chicken into bite size pieces
    Slice sausages into circles
    cook all ingredients as directed
    Combine 1/2 chicken, sausage, vegetables and bay leaves and tomatoes and quinoa (half of all) ingredients into
    stock pot-
    warm up 6 teaspoons of olive oil add six teaspoons of coconut or sweet potato flour stir until dark brown(color like peanut butter)
    add roux into stock pot, let simmer on medium heat for twenty minutes
    add file (pronounced like filet)powder
    to mix–
    Eat and enjoy!

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