“I’m Not Looking for a Girlfriend, I’m Looking for a Wife!”

By  |  12 Comments

if you haven’t caught up on how the hubs and i first met, make sure to check out his flexibility here and how i duped him. i’m reliving the stories because i not only want to document them selfishly for myself but i think they are pretty funny and unique. AND our 4 year wedding anniversary is happening in less than 3 weeks. this is probably most exciting to the two of us but we will gladly accept outside celebrations too.

first date new

after our continued hang outs and denying to everyone that we were anything more than friends, he gave me his first bite of his birthday shake and i knew this could be something more.


a few days after the ‘first bite’ occurred, he was getting ready to leave my apartment and gently grabbed my tibia/fibula (does that kill the mood?) and looked right at me and said “i’d like to take you on a date. it’s my favorite restaurant and i’ll pick you up tomorrow at 6:30pm if you’re free.” my stomach did that drop thing and then i got real sweaty and said “okay! i’ll start getting ready. oh i mean, i’ll be ready. at that time. not too much before. okay bye.” i’m pretty smooth. he picked me up and took me to his favorite restaurant: IMG_9552 okay fine, that isn’t the exact restaurant he took me to since i was forced to go here when we went to russia last year but hopefully you can tell it’s CHILI’S.


we sit down and feel each other out. we both divulge some deep secrets, being completely clear about who we are and what we stand for. i order the chicken fajitas. we proceed to have the “DTR” talk (‘define the relationship.’ kids should start using that lingo again).


he says “i’m not really looking to just date. i’m looking for a wife or at least being with someone i can see a future with. what do you think? oh and remember that i’m going to be gone for 7 months, working in DC and studying abroad in the czech republic.”


my fajitas haven’t come out yet so i don’t bolt.


i just stare at him, thinking ‘did he just propose to me? no. but he thinks i could be wife material?! that’s weird. we’ve only been hanging out for a few weeks. at least he’s up front and honest. this is refreshing and he’s like no one i’ve ever met.” by this time my heart is beating fast but i’m surprisingly not freaking out as much as i probably should be.


who just lays it all out like this!? that’s crazy talk. also…he’s leaving for 7 months and i just got out of a very unhealthy 3 year relationship and i was looking forward to just being a single lady (beyonce knows).


i calmly say “okay. i’m not ready to be your wife but i will absolutely be your girlfriend. we have some sort of weird connection and you accept me for me so let’s give it a honest shot!”

young ryan and chelsea avery rooftop

picture of us on our second date!

our food is set down in front of us so we shake hands across the table as if we just conducted a business contract on a dairy farm in iowa. i smile and happily create the perfect fajita seated across from a guy like no other.

1) now let’s hear about your first date! where/when/weird things said?
2) how do you feel about chili’s? (there are none in oregon so maybe that’s why we always have to go to one while we are abroad even though they do not taste similar)
3) do you mind sharing your food or is your plate YOUR plate?


ps. i stole this off my hub’s facebook account and my lack of capitalization goes waaaay back. that’s 2007, when my anti-caps campaign was in full effect!Screen Shot 2014-08-07 at 2.58.44 PM

i’d love if you left me some comment love so when i pay a ridiculous amount to log on in malaysia i will feel happier about it! also, girls night out dueling pianos anyone? (see add on post)


  1. Brittany

    August 20, 2014 at 8:50 am

    1) Well.. Let me start by explaining that my husband and I were both college athletes (Nate a golfer and I played soccer). So on our first date we went to one of my favorite restaurants (well lots of people’s favorite restaurant because we lived in such a small town for college) but anyway it was also a restaurant that my coached often frequented with recruits for the new year. So we were at dinner having an awkward time as you do on the first date when in comes my coaches, current players on my team, new recruits and their families. Yikes! Well they sat behind him and were making gestures half of the night to figure out how the date was going. My very straight forward and protective coach came over and introduced herself and gave the short version of the “talk” to allow the rest of the date to occur which he passed with flying colors. Strangest part of the whole night though was that he had never tried cheesecake before which was a small crime to me. We joke to this day that he should have known how life was going to be with me as as I forced him to try cheesecake (like its mean). But he loved it .. the cheesecake and I guess eventually me.
    2) Not a huge fan of the chain restaurants but I do love some chilie con queso.. Chili’s always reminds me of traveling with soccer teams since we ate there at least once per trip.
    3) I have no problem taking or sharing on plates!! Can’t order everything but I love trying as much as I can.

    • chelsea

      August 21, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      haha that is a great first date story, brittany! cannot believe you kept it together with your coach and teammates all making faces and gestures behind him the whole time-ha! he never had cheesecake?!!? what! crazy talk. i’m glad he’s a smart man that listened to you about the cheesecake 🙂

      mmmm chilie con queso. YUM. i love little bits of everyone’s everything too! thanks for sharing your first date, brittany!

  2. Amanda

    August 20, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    Oh I love that! That’s awesome he just laid it out. I mean, why waste time if you’re not on the same page from the get go, I guess. My husband and I started hanging out casually and both of us were just trying to be single and enjoy the college life, but it’s hard to deny when there’s something deeper, so our singleness didn’t last long, and it was kind of natural. It’s super interesting to think though if circumstances were different, how I’d approach dating and react to something like that!
    Amanda recently posted…Living Life to the Fullest

    • chelsea

      August 21, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      yup, you are totally right about laying it out to make sure you are on the same page but when you aren’t accustomed to that…it’s a bit of a shock! natural is such a great way to grow closer and build that bond over time, so glad you have that amanda!

  3. Lindsay @ The Newlywed Notebook

    August 21, 2014 at 7:19 am

    What an adorable story!! Seriously, it’s not everyday you hear about guys being like that and that serious about their future. I know there are guys out there like that, but they are never the ones you hear stories about. Thanks so much for sharing yours! I think a lot of people would have better luck with relationships if we stopped the games and just put our intentions right out there (whatever they may be) for the other person to know and either accept or deny. Lol totally like a business deal, but maybe that’s not a terrible thing??

    • chelsea

      August 21, 2014 at 7:58 pm

      totally agree with you lindsay! it’s crazy how many games are played and how we “think” relationships should play out thanks to terrible examples in pop-culture and media. take it or leave it! ha maybe a business deal with some love attached to it 🙂

  4. Vivien

    August 21, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    1) Had a few first dates (still looking for my first last date, haha) but two stick out in my mind. One was where the guy and I were waiting in line for the movie theatre. He goes up to the cashier and orders two tickets, she tells him the price and there is up to five seconds of silence. Feeling like the five seconds were feeling like five hours of silence, I fish out my money and pay for both tickets. The next words out of his mouth were “why does the girl always insist on paying?” (Well gee, the crickets were starting to chirp). Needless to say there was no second date.

    More recently I went on a date with another guy. Halfway through dinner, he blurted out how he wanted to attend a future Toastmasters’ event. He knew it was a big part of my life and although he didn’t want to join at that moment (too bad eh) he really wanted to come and support me. Too bad it didn’t work out in the end, but I still get warm fuzzies thinking about that gesture.

    2) None up here either I’m afraid.

    3) Don’t mind sharing food from my plate at all, as long as I can do the reverse.

    • chelsea

      August 21, 2014 at 8:03 pm

      ohhhh no! what a fool of a guy at the movies! ugh. glad there was no second date with that one vivien!

      SUPER sweet gesture of the other date and him wanting to support you in your toastmasters endeavors makes me smile and even though that one didn’t work it, i think it’s great to know it’s those type of things that are so important to you (and me too!)

      incredibly valid point about you are fine sharing only if others are too-that brings up some stingy people i’ve been out with before and you are SO right!

  5. Rachel G

    September 11, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    I only go to Chili’s in Malaysia–it seems to be a ‘fancy’ restaurant there, possibly because it has both aircon and western food. My husband and I were friends in college, and after he graduated he surpised me by telling me he liked me and coming to visit me for Spring Break. About 5 minutes after he arrived on Spring Break to visit me and I officially knew that he liked me, he gave me a hug and said, “Hey, let’s not tell any of our friends about us till we know for sure we’re getting married, okay?” I was all for that because we shared a friend group and I didn’t want anything to be awkward with all my beloved friends…do you know when he started telling people that we were together? About 5 days after that, and it’s true, by that point we were planning on getting married. But it sounds crazy now.
    Rachel G recently posted…Chacos in China

    • chelsea

      September 11, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      ohhhh my goodness love that story rachel! those boys have other ideas in their head and get way too excited but we sort of knew right away that we had to be together forever too 🙂 i think that’s also SUPER sweet that he told you he “officially” liked you. isn’t it fun to think back and smile about how our love started?

      we saw the chili’s in the convention center/mall in KL, malaysia!

  6. Pingback: When Our Worlds First Collided • the new wifestyle

  7. Pingback: The Unique Relationship with In-Laws • the new wifestyle