What’s Your Love Language?
hopefully you and your significant other speak the same verbal language, otherwise i have no idea how you’d be able to communicate, get anything done or express your need to eat the last piece of pizza. however…chances are that you are probably speaking different love languages.
maybe you’re familiar with this book/concept of “the 5 love languages: the secret to love that lasts,” by gary chapman, and i know some of you are because apparently there have been over 8 million copies sold.
the basic concept is that people feel deeply loved by their spouse when she/he is ‘speaking’ their specific love language and likewise. we typically don’t innately know this so we wouldn’t know what to express to our partners without figuring it out. i have a feeling that if there was a certain something you could do to make your spouse feel more loved by you, most of us would do it.
the love languages are as follows:
#1: words of affirmation: this is verbal/written words of encouragement and kindness (how much you appreciate the work i do, how much you love me and why, that my booty is rockin’ in my new dress, thanking me for going to the grocery store)
#2: acts of service: doing things you know i would like you to do or i don’t particularly like doing (cooking, dusting, washing the car, walking the dog, paying the bills, cleaning the damn toilet)
#3: receiving gifts: these are visual symbols of love and have great meaning to me, regardless of how much they cost (handmade things, surprise gifts for no reason, a single flower or the gift of your presence or a cookie)
#4: quality time: this is having focused, uninterrupted time together where the focus is just the two of us (having meaningful conversations, doing quality activities together, uninterrupted date night where your main focus is moi)
#5: physical touch: physical contact, not always sexual but loving and intimate (hand-holding, back rubs, sitting close to me, hugging and kissing when we part and sexy bedroom time)
in the back of the book, there is a questionnaire for both the husband and wife to fill out to find out your love language AND you can even do it online right now! follow this link to find out your love language and ask your partner to do the same.
my husband and i did this a few nights ago and it has already changed our actions-it’s pretty incredible (and yes, part of me was an eye-rolling eunice at first). i asked him if i could share our love languages with you to show how we need different things and how we are meeting those needs.
my love language: words of affirmation followed by receiving gifts. now does that mean i don’t absolutely love it when i come home to a sparkling clean place, or i don’t love my husband’s kisses or not spending quality time together? NO! this just means that i feel most deeply loved when my husband says kind and encouraging things to me and gives me little things to show he’s thinking of me.
this is absolutely true and accurate. i love hearing from him how i look sexy in my jeans and how he appreciates the great ideas i have for our business. i love to hear from him how much he loves me and how he feels like the luckiest guy on the earth to be married to me.
it also makes my heart skip a beat when he sends me a little gift from his travels or surprises me with a baby christmas tree during our travels around the country or asks the restaurant if he can have one flower from their bouquet and then immediately turns around gives it to me. i feel most loved by my husband when he directly and verbally encourages me and shows me he is thinking of me by giving me tangible, meaningful gifts.
yesterday afternoon, i came home from a meeting and found this (with very clear instructions):
on the inside of this note he wrote how much he loved me and said i could pick out whatever i wanted for dinner and he’d get the ingredients and make it for me! not only was i surprised by this unexpected gift, but now i have a little note that i tucked away in my overflowing drawer of notes and cards from people i care about.
the downside of my second love language being ‘receiving gifts’ is that i am total hoarder because everything anyone ever gives me hold sentimental value. yes, there are coasters and bottle caps in there too.
most importantly…he followed up on this and made outstanding chicken burritos last night for dinner!
my husband’s love language: physical touch followed closely by a tie between quality time and acts of service. if you know my husband, you would say this is spot on. he loves giving hugs, you have probably witnessed PDA between us, he does not like tangible gifts but rather experiences and thanks me profusely every time i do his laundry (because he hates it that much).
as we were talking, he told me his physical touch love language is actually expressed more by him touching me, rather than me touching him. he also feels most loved when our exchanges are passionate and spontaneous. the book speaks more about physical touching coming from your partner so i think it’s important to acknowledge while we can get a good grasp on our love language, the specifics of it vary from person to person.
did you ever wonder what i look like with fake eyelashes, a ton of make-up on and no glasses? here it is! (give me the glasses and no-make up 363 days out of the year…the fake eyelashes though…i could get behind those).
does this mean he never likes or appreciates words of affirmation or receiving gifts? of course not. in fact, on my way home from my meeting yesterday, i grabbed him a thai iced tea to surprise him with and give him a big sloppy kiss as i walked through the door.
if you’ve never had a thai iced tea-it’s basically a sugary tea topped off with condense milk and it will be your new favorite. i’m very proud of myself for only drinking 1 inch of it on my way home. who spots mt. hood in the unfocused background!?
if you’re interested in understanding more about your specific love language and how important it is for each of your love languages to be understood and put into action, you can find the book HERE.
it’s amazing how sometimes seemingly small things can create a massive shift for the positive in enhancing your marriage and relationship. it can also be challenging at times to change how you express love to your partner when you interpret and feel love differently. more on that in another post…
the new wifestyle: understand your own love language and needs needs as well as your partners. be willing to shift to get those needs met.
1) what is your love language?
2) do you know/have an inkling towards what your partner’s love language is?
3) what books are you reading lately?
i’m feeling so inspired by this book so tell ya what….leave a comment below on the blog and click the ‘like’ button above and you’ll be entered into a GIVEAWAY for this book to end up on your doorstep! (this is not a sponsored post and this book will be coming out of my own pocket change because it has been so powerful for us).
*this giveaway will end at 11:59pm on thursday 5/15/14 but feel free to keep on leaving comments about your love language!
please also feel free to share this article with your spouse, friends, family or your network! thank you!