cue mini-freak out

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you know those days when you just wake up and feel like it might be a rough one to cope with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.? that was my day yesterday. for starters, my in-laws are out of town (and i’m very jealous of their pacific northwest adventures) and we have been tasked with keeping their dogs alive. that means we have to feed, water, and walk them. here’s how excited sugar (the white, crazy-hair-like-einstein rescue dog) gets excited and leaps to and fro. that’s daisybell- the very proper poodle who is making sure ravery is putting on his shoes as fast as he can.

blog for wives

oh and we also thought it would be cute to let them sleep with us. i haven’t lived with a dog for 9 years and while it’s generally super fun…when you are trying to fall asleep and all you hear is that little tongue continuously licking every single square inch of their body, it is clinically proven to drive you insane. so i blame a chunk of my mini-freak out on lack of sleep for the past few nights.

i haven’t lived in portland for a whole month and that finally caught up to me. i really had no time to process our big move because i was literally busier and crazier than i have ever been in my entire life (no exaggeration and i never want to be that busy again-it just wasn’t healthy). in between our jobs, we had been traveling almost every weekend, starting our own business(es) and i was putting on a youth leadership seminar for the state of oregon. then it felt like all of a sudden our furniture disappeared, we packed up and left portand without even a minute for me to breath.


because we have been traveling so much, i was used to leaving portland so i think in my mind we were just traveling through various states and hanging out in texas for a while. for some reason it finally just caught up to me. i have no more downtown apartment waiting for me to return. i have no waterfront to walk along, in fact the closest thing for me to walk to is a mcdonald’s 2 miles away with a heat index of 104 degrees. i no longer have my friends texting me to go to happy hour after work or go to brunch at the 2039 choices of cute places. i no longer live in portland. i am also no longer allowed to watch portlandia because it just makes me cry (where they are walking in the ‘music video’ is where i used to run along the waterfront).

when ravery was trying to console me, i happened to freak out on him and tell him i was going crazy and that he probably shouldn’t be around me right now because i’m not feeling very nice. he continued to sit because he’s a sweet man and was worried about me. i warned him. and then proceeded to say not nice things to him so eventually he left (why are we mean to the people who love us so dearly?) and then i left the house for a few hours to chill out and work on adjusting my attitude.

when i got back, i very deliberately avoided eye contact with him until he said “do you want to have a check-in” where i swifty told him not to use my social worky language and get all social worky on me ( i guess he does do a good job listening to me). but he was right, we did need to have a check-in where i let him know that all of a sudden a lot of things hit me about our big life changes, i can’t sleep with those dogs again and apologized for getting a little crazy earlier. it’s okay to be mad but it’s not okay to be mean.

i have also gotten better about letting him know what i need from him in terms of responses to my feelings. his “go-to” response is “mr. fix-it” because he doesn’t want to see me in pain and wants to find a solution to whatever is causing the pain. i let him know i just needed for him to listen to me vent, not try to solve anything and just be with me. he heard me and did just that.

he was even so kind as to make me a kahlua milkshake for my dinner (we ran out a bluebell so it was a mini one).

wife blog kahlua milkshake

i guess i’m using this space to process my feelings, to be authentic about my relationship and how i screw up sometimes and write out loud that portland is no longer my home. i know we made the right decision for where we are at in our lives right now with moving to texas, but that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. and if you are wondering, yes i cried while writing this post and somehow ate 1/2 bag of goldfish crackers.

i feel better today thanks to a restful night’s sleep and i am making myself workout later so i can have some endorphins pumping through my brain. and i’m really looking forward to the 4th of july tomorrow-fire always cheers you up. it should be especially good because i get to celebrate in the land that has an insane amount american/texas pride! i plan on eating hot dogs and watermelon for all 3 meals.

wife lesson: sometimes our emotions take a while to catch up to us and can be too much to handle but try not to take it out on your significant other.

1) how do you (or don’t you) cope with big emotions?
2) do you have dogs? do you let them sleep with you?
3) what are your plans for celebrating the 4th of july?


  1. debra

    July 3, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    1) Coping with emotions….I usually try to be alone. After 40 years of marriage, I do know most men want to “fix” whatever you are struggling with instead of just listening. So….there are a lot of things I just keep to myself or….that’s why girlfriends are so important.
    2) No dogs here. Don’t think I would get much sleep either if they were in my bed.
    3) Since it has hit close to 120 here this past week, we will be hanging out in the pool. :o)

    • chelsea

      July 3, 2013 at 11:10 pm

      thanks for your comment and insight debra….i think you are right about the alone time and i need to work harder to find that for myself! whew, cannot believe it hit close to 120 degrees there, so glad you have a pool to hope in to tomorrow!

  2. carlenlloyd

    July 3, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    1.I cope with my big emotions by ranting for about 10 minutes (being with my significant other for over 3 years and no longer having natural hormones….errrr….taking hormones for a hysterectomy performed over a year ago- I know, I know- TMI {sorry Chelsea}- he is used to my rants) and my SO patiently talks me “down”- his key points ALWAYS to me is- “how is this relevant to your life’s journey?”, and “who is this hurting more- you, or the person/situation you’re frustrated with?”. Smart guy, my guy. 😉 I also do a lot of breathing and bike riding. Some days I’ve even gone out in the Oregon rain!

    2. No dogs 🙁

    3. We are going to barbecue with some friends. Can’t wait!

    • chelsea

      July 3, 2013 at 11:14 pm

      thanks carlen for your comment and i have a veeeeery high tolerance towards TMI so bring it on 🙂 that must be super difficult to no longer have natural hormones-i struggle with my crazy ones all the time. so glad you are able to talk to you man about these things and that he brings up valid points if it’s relevant to life’s journey or not! oh man, oregonians love bikes so glad you partake too! have a great time barbecuing with your friends tomorrow!

  3. Paula Howley

    July 3, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Oh honey, I SO feel for you. It’s so hard to leave a place you love, isn’t it? I hope you find new special things to love in your new place. I suspect it will get better in the winter when all of us Northwesterners are drenched in the pouring winter rain and you are sitting on your porch in shorts in December. 🙂 Sending you a big virtual hug and lots of love.
    1. I cope very poorly with big (negative) emotions. I have to make sure I’m not tired or I lose it too Chelsea. this morning my daughter tried TWICE to wake me up early and it wasn’t pretty. I really have to work hard at not being selfish. I need prayer and meditation time and I need awareness of what I’m doing to cope well. Crying helps but I don’t do it often enough. Slow but sure you know?
    2. no dogs. I’m a cat person. We vacillate about getting a dog all the time. It’ll probably happen one day. My husband always wants a stupid ‘mannish’ dog though and I’m not into that.
    3. I’m re-starting the Orange Rhino No-Yelling Challenge tomorrow. 🙂 Have a great 4th of July!!!!

    • chelsea

      July 3, 2013 at 11:19 pm

      thank you paula for your kindness and virtual hug-it’s been received and appreciated 🙂 i think you are right about finding new things about the place i live now…i’m just such an outdoor person so it’s tricky when it’s horrendous to be outside for 90% of the day but i will work it out! glad to hear i’m not the only one that can’t cope when too tired either-i should probably google some meditation tips too! great luck on your challenge tomorrow!

  4. Richard Bryans

    July 3, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    1) Running helps me destress and process the events of my day and what is going on at home, work, etc.
    2) I am a dog person and yes, they sleep with us sometimes.
    3) Our church is having a 4th of July pic-nic which will be fun. My wife is also coming home from helping her sister after surgery.

    • chelsea

      July 3, 2013 at 11:24 pm

      thanks for your comment richard! i miss running outdoors…i should just get my butt up at the crack of dawn to do it because you are right about it helping destress and process. i certainly hope that dog of yours does less licking than these little ones 🙂 i hope you have a great time with your church picnic tomorrow and i bet you are super excited to see your wife after her being gone (hope her sister is feeling better)!

  5. Shannon

    July 4, 2013 at 9:54 am

    First, hug hug hug.
    Sometimes we are mean to the people who love us most because they love us most. Its safe, they are not going to stop loving us and they know that underneath the angry meanie monster is someone who is struggling.

    I mean could you imagine if you decided to walk to the McDonalds and just let loose your meanie monster feelings. Not so safe, embarrassing, and you could never go there again. Which might not be a bad thing.

    I’m not good with big emotions. Matthew and I are celebrating our 11 year anniversary tomorrow and we’ve been together for 14 years. So, I try to breath and when I’m really feeling completely emotionally insane, I call my mom-in-law, she is so grounded and compassionate, it brings me to a place I can be nicer while feeling miserable.

    Two doggies and they both sleep with us and smash up against me. I treat compulsively liking dogs like snoring husband. Gently nudging with my pointy elbow while whining, “Stooooop it….trying to sleeeeeep”

    We will do LEGAL fireworks in the street and eat strawberry shortcake:)

  6. chelsea

    July 5, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    thank you shannon for the hugs-much appreciated and for your niceness 🙂 very true about being mean to people who love us because they are safe and it’s true. still crappy for them but thankfully ravery is a forgiving person. happy anniversary today shannon! 14 years is wonderful, that makes my heart smile for you 🙂 i hope your fireworks were spectacular and the strawberry shortcake amazing!