“home” doesn’t always mean just where you heart is…
as we arrive into the terminal at Portland International Airport (PDX), we step off the plane, see that familiar blue/green carpet and feel at home. the only problem is-we have no home here or really anywhere at this moment in our lives.
we drove down memory lane (yes, you can actually drive on that) through the streets of downtown Portland where we used to live. i actually felt a whole lot sadder than i was anticipating when we drove past our first apartment together.
it made me sad to think that even if i busted down the doors and got inside our old place, none of our worldly possessions would be there to welcome us home. no white boards on the wall for my husband to write his speeches, no world map in the bedroom and no pictures of our family and friends hanging on the walls.
i also found myself in shock that the city continued on without us. new stores on corners, buildings torn down and the building we watched being built for the past 2 years -held it’s grand opening without us.
it hit me that we don’t have a home. yeeeeees, i know “home is where the heart is” and i feel so blessed and happy that i get to be doing all this with my husband by my side because he means the world to me and i love him dearly. but a tangible, real space is what i’m also in need of. we don’t have a place to call our own and while it’s fun to be seeing and exploring new places, humans-particularly me, need a nest. a place where you can find solace. a place where you can choose willingly to wear pants or not wear pants. a place to eat a bowl of cereal that doesn’t cost $7. a place to call home. we are lacking that right now and it’s tough.
we know that we will again make a home for ourselves, but it’s hard to know that it won’t be for a few more months or even where that will be.
part of us really wants to be back in Portland but we don’t want to feel like we are going backwards or searching for the life we once had here. the winters here are also really difficult for my mental health and unfortunately 8 months of rain and dreariness (much like the photo below that we ran into on our drive out of Eugene), is hard on me.
part of us also wants to be somewhere in Colorado so that if and when the time comes to procreate (remember, women and families have the choice whether to have kids or not-not a requirement) i want to be near my family. also, Colorado has over 300 days of sunshine, even if some of those days it’s negative 2 degrees below zero and your snot freezes.
we have more soul searching to do and are working on ways to figure out how to make our life on the road a bit more stable for this sometimes unsteady wife. life is certainly about the journey, isn’t it?
the new wifestyle: it’s okay to not always feel 100% happy, even when you are doing neat things. work to figure out your balance.
1) what is your favorite part about your home (besides the people that live in it)?
2) where have you seen the prettiest fall?
3) what do you do when you feel off balance in order to get rebalanced?
ps. you can read about my husband’s feelings of homesickness while we were in portland here.