Why My Husband and I Started Dating Again – Part I

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think about when you and your spouse first started dating. remember that excitement and thrill of curiosity when you’d go out to dinner, or your hands would slightly touch while sharing an arm rest while watching harry potter? this was over seven years ago for me and my husband.

you can read about our first date when he basically asked me to be his wife and then he was traveling/living in europe during the first seven months of our relationships. i want to share with you why my husband and i started dating again.

when we first started dating (and we were back in the same country), i distinctly remember trying on multiple outfits for our dates, using way too much product in my hair in an attempt to control my crazy curls and my legs were always shaved just in case…my ankle was ever exposed (or any funny business might occur later). i also remember never hearing any bodily air escape from either end from either of us.

as with most couples, we have grown immensely closer and a lot more comfortable with each other as our relationship has lengthened. this, generally speaking, is a very good thing and what should happen when you are married and live under the same roof.

however, we noticed a few months ago that because we were being oversharers with bodily functions, wearing the same clothes for days in a row (perk/downside of working from home) and giving my husband way too many details about my period…we started feeling more like best friends and less like lovers.

Why My Husband and I Started Dating

my husband has always felt like my best friend and it’s my goal for this feeling to continue but we started feeling was like we were missing the passion, the sexiness, the raw desire for one another. i totally get that sex and passion ebb and flow in any relationship (let’s be real, sometimes we just want to eat dairy and suffer the consequences of being lactose intolerant while going to bed early. sexy, i know).

as we were getting ready for bed and i was sporting unflattering granny-panties and sexily applying zit cream to my face, i turned to my husband (who was peeing 2 feet away from me) and said “i think we should go back to dating.”

we talked about how we love that we feel so comfortable with each other but at the same time it does sometimes feel like we don’t put as much effort into keeping the sexier things alive (and the grosser things not so alive).

we agreed to start dating again. it took a few days to get used to and both of us had our fair share of reminders of “ew. dating, remember?!” i didn’t really know if this would change how we felt about each other, but after doing this for the past 3 months, we have both noticed a difference.

here’s some of what we changed:

  • close the door when you go to the bathroom
  • clean your (read: MY) hair out of the drain after showering (i could make a few wigs with what falls from my head)
  • no farts because even if they are funny sometimes, they are never sexy
  • burp politely with your mouth closed and not saying words when you burp (my dad taught me that and i find it hilarious)
  • put slightly more thought into looks like we used to

turns out, i actually feel more attracted to myself (is that weird?)  i put in a little more effort to change out of my normal workout clothes that i tend to wear for days and put on something that makes me feel good about myself. i don’t leave clumps of my hair in the drain (don’t pretend like this doesn’t happen at your house) and while i’ll always be a proud granny-panty-wearing-lady…i can buy some new ones that are a bit more in tact and haven’t lost their elasticity.


while we are still extremely comfortable around each other, this has helped us feel more attracted to one another and not just best friends or roommates.

of course, it’s not just the physical things that make you feel like dating. read the follow up to this of 7 ways to start dating your spouse again!

1) have you experienced this in your marriage or relationship?
2) other tips to add in terms of daily routines to help reignite the spark?
3) how often do you buy new underwear? (this is an oversharing of a post)


  1. Danielle (@TheLifestylePrj)

    January 7, 2015 at 9:36 am

    I love how honest you are about the shift of going from newly dating to oversharing. Yup, I think I can definitely relate. The burping thing is something I’ve talked about with my husband (he loves making a loud production out of it!) and I don’t even want to think about what I have to change lol! Oh and to answer your last question – I think I only buy new underwear 2x a year or so. You’re not alone in your lack of elasticity haha.
    Danielle (@TheLifestylePrj) recently posted…Find the Silver Lining

    • chelsea

      January 7, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      it totally changes, doesn’t it danielle?? part of it’s great that we feel so comfortable with our partners but yeah…bodily functions aren’t so sexy. i’m with you…i literally just bought some because i decided the ones i had had been put to good use and they were probably 2-3 years old!

  2. Amanda Wood

    January 7, 2015 at 10:02 am

    I love this. I have been thinking that Hubs and I need to do this. We never really got a real dating period since we were in different states for most of the dating portion of our relationship. I can’t wait to see the next post about this 🙂
    Amanda Wood recently posted…Wednesday Wishes + a Giveaway!

    • chelsea

      January 7, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      i know a little bit of that feeling amanda, since were apart for the first 7 months of our relationship but thankfully he then came back to the same stage. it’s interesting how relationships change, isn’t it? get ready for more TMI in the second post 🙂

  3. Elizabeth T

    January 7, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    I can’t wait to see the next post about this…I’ve talked to Zach about cutting down on our “roommate” tendencies recently too! Oh and because I love TMI I actually get a monthly box of fun undies every month which is great for me because I’m definitely a granny panty kinda gal!
    Elizabeth T recently posted…Renew | Peony Project

    • chelsea

      January 7, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      i’m so glad that you’ve brought this up with zach, elizabeth! it felt sort of weird for me at first but now that we’ve been doing it for a while, it’s a lot better! you get a monthly box of fun undies every month?! that’s AMAZING!!!! you are winning the granny-panty game 🙂

  4. Vivien

    January 7, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    To answer with a little TMI, I bought underwear in bulk the last time couple times I was in HK. I’ve still got quite a few that are unopened. I think I’m good for the next few years at least.
    Vivien recently posted…Trusting in the Relatable

    • chelsea

      January 7, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      way to hoard up on the underwear, vivien!!! i should have asked this question before we went to HK so i could have done the same 🙂 i mean we were them everyday (usually) so i don’t know why i waited so long to replenish mine!

  5. Jess May

    January 7, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    This is so perfect for what I’m feeling right now! I’m definitely on board with this idea and mentioned it to my other half just yesterday. We need the romance back!
    With him working away for a week at a time its even more pertinent for us to make sure that in the week that he’s actually home with me, its sexy and fun and something he WANTS to come back to!
    Jess May recently posted…Love Styles – What’s Yours?

    • chelsea

      January 8, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      i feel you jess! glad you and your guy have been talking about it because it really does make a difference! that’s totally true that since you have so much time apart, it’s even more important that both of you are putting in a little extra effort in when you’re reunited!

  6. Rachel G

    January 7, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Weirdly, we never actually had a dating phase–when I met Angel, he had a serious girlfriend….and he was a senior year nursing student. Which means that at the first meal we ever shared together (which was a $5 pizza split with another friend), Angel was talking about how you can get type 1 herpes (cold sores on your mouth) by sharing drinks with people and offering me his pepsi. (Can you see now why we never had a dating stage?) Through a strange and speedy series of events, after he graduated and moved away, he and his girlfriend of 3 years broke up and shortly afterwards we decided to get married. It’s weird when you never actually really knew your husband as a boyfriend…I guess I’ll never know what the “wooing” thing is really like, but I’m totally okay with that. I’d probably be really, really awkward at dating.
    For keeping the spark in marriage–I always have been, always will be, heavily on the old-fashioned, private, non-oversharing side. I not only shut the door of the bathroom…I lock it. haha! Angel, on the other hand, spent the last 5 years working in a hospital…he has no boundaries, and will say anything, to anyone…
    Rachel G recently posted…The Season of Alternating Scarves

    • chelsea

      January 8, 2015 at 2:23 pm

      that’s super interesting about ‘skipping’ past the dating phase, rachel! haaaa the first conversation you had over pizza sounds hilariously gross and i need to know if you took a sip!

      sounds like your relationship moved along just as it was meant to and yeah…there are definitely some awkward times during the dating phase! i would imagine the spark stays lit much more often since you are more of a private person (even if he’s not) because things have certainly gotten weiiiiird at times with our comfort level over here. ha! 🙂
      chelsea recently posted…Second Ever Vlog to Kick Off 2015!

      • Rachel G

        January 9, 2015 at 3:45 pm

        Oh yeah, I took the sip. I wasn’t about to let that kid intimidate me just cause he knew more about germs than I did.
        Rachel G recently posted…I’m a TV Star!!

        • chelsea

          January 12, 2015 at 12:58 pm

          haha i love it and you sure showed him!

  7. Courtney!

    January 8, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    One thing that is kind of like dating again is I’ve been trying to be more conscious of letting my husband have his own personal space. I SO badly want to read his texts over his shoulder (not because I don’t trust him, but because all of our friends are the same so I’m just curious what they are chatting about!) and always absentmindedly read the same article as him off his screen when he’s on the computer… but I think it is important to let him know he has that personal space and so I’m trying to back off and not be all up in his business. While they aren’t “secrets”, I think not oversharing and having things that are private will only benefit our relationship… but man! It’s so hard! haha I’m perpetually nosy about everything. Probably why I like blogs so much 🙂
    Courtney! recently posted…Staying on Track in the New Year!

    • chelsea

      January 9, 2015 at 9:12 am

      that is a brilliant one, courtney! i totally know what you mean about wanting to read texts because of mutual friends and know what’s going on in his little corner of the world! that’s really great that you are working on letting him have more personal space. i really like that and i should start doing more of that too!

      i feel you on the nosy front….#bloggerlife 🙂

  8. Natalie @ Never Serious Blog

    January 8, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    Okay, so I COMPLETELY agree with all of this! As far as living together goes, my husband and I are still total newbies, so some of this hasn’t quite yet. But we have been together six years and one of us is far more open with bodily functions than the other (hint hint, it’s NOT me). I’ve resigned myself to a lot of it because in all fairness, he hasn’t gotten any worse in the past 5 years (but yes of COURSE he was on his best behavior for the first year) and I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I married him!

    And like you said, what I’ve found about putting a little more effort into my appearance, is that usually he doesn’t notice that difference between made up me and dressed down me (at least he doesn’t say anything), but the way it makes ME feel is huge! I feel better about myself, I’m a little more confident, which in turn makes me more attractive all around!
    Natalie @ Never Serious Blog recently posted…The Humpday Confessional

    • chelsea

      January 9, 2015 at 9:16 am

      you are SO spot on natalie-thanks for your comment! it is more about us feeling better about ourselves (since the husbands may not take note anyway) because that confidence radiates out! isn’t that funny how we are all on our best behavior for that first year and then something happens and we let it all hang out. oh relationships!

  9. Pingback: 7 Ways to Start Dating Your Spouse Again • the new wifestyle

  10. Melanie @ Ribbons and Rotor Blades

    January 9, 2015 at 10:54 am

    I love you because you sound soooo much like me (from the farting being comical, burping words or phrases, going to the bathroom with the door open, etc.)
    This is something Nick and I do, but we’ve never actually talked about it. I didn’t realize we were dating again until I read this. When we go out, even the smallest dates like to Applebee’s, we take longer to get ready. I add more eye makeup and (attempt to) contour and highlight. I wear heels and clothes I know Nick loves on me. Likewise, he gels his hair, wear his nice jeans, a button down, and his nice shoes. We even get out the camera and take photos before heading out. We used to do that ALL THE TIME when we were dating and it’s a date tradition that hasn’t stopped.
    We could try to do more of the open yet gross things at home (although I’ll never get Nick to stop farting around me) haha. I will start with closing the door (if my dog will allow it lol). That is the one I am so bad about haha

    • chelsea

      January 13, 2015 at 1:02 pm

      i am SO happy to hear you guys are still dating, melanie! it’s amazing how that little extra time and effort can work on our own minds to feel better and show our spouse we still car! good luck with closing the door…i had to get used to it too (and my husband still needs many friendly reminders)
      chelsea recently posted…Start Volunteering with Your Spouse + Friends

  11. Monika

    January 13, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    Haha it’s so funny that I stumbled upon this post because I have felt the same way recently. My boyfriend and I haven’t been together that long yet (it will be 2 years in March), and we have only been living together since September, but I already can relate to all of the things you mentioned. I often find myself thinking back on those first few months of dating when everything was new and exciting, and “the fear of the unknown” was still a thing. Now it’s like “oh we’re going to get married pick a ring” haha. No more mystery there… I look forward to reading more of your posts! 🙂

    • chelsea

      January 14, 2015 at 8:29 am

      happy almost-2-year anniversary, monika! spot on with the ‘fear of the unknown’ was still a think (and exciting too!) it’s interesting to see how relationships and comfort levels evolve, isn’t it? sounds like some exciting things on the horizon for you two 😉 glad to have connected!