7 Ways to Start Dating Your Spouse Again
before we jump into the 7 ways to start dating your spouse again, let’s acknowledge that if you’ve been together with your partner for a while, you may have noticed your comfort level increasing. this is generally a good thing but every relationship has it’s TMI threshold and ours was finally reached after 7 years of being together.
to fully grasp this concept, you may want familiarize yourself with the post why my husband and i started dating again. it captures my granny-panty tendencies, overexposure of bodily functions and feeling more like best friends/roommates than lovers.
rather than tell you more 7 more embarrassing/oversharing moments between me and my husband, i’d rather share 7 ways to start dating your spouse again. please note these also work for boyfriend/girlfriend/partners/significant others too but maybe not dogs.
these are things we have implemented over the past 3 months after we decided we needed to start ‘dating’ again. our extreme comfort levels were not helping us feel sexy/passionate towards each other and we were starting to feel more like roommates and less like husband and wife.
7 WAYS TO START DATING YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN
1) close the bathroom door:
this may seem basic but i’ve talked to plenty of couples who are very comfortable using the bathroom in front of each other (we were too…well only ‘yellow because it’s mellow.’) i get it, it’s convenient, especially if you only have 1 bathroom in your home like we do. however, this act of having some privacy when you’re doing your business has helped us get down to business more ofte (see what i did there?)
2) keep it to yourself:
this is along the same lines of relieving yourself with the door shut but no one wants to hear your burps and farts. remember when you were dating and the mere thought of letting a little squeaker out was mortifying?! go back there for a little while. your spouse and the air will thank you. ladies, i can also assure you that our husbands don’t want to hear about how heavy our flow is either. keep it to yourself.
3) class up the joint:
you don’t need to spend a fortune to create a more romantic atmosphere. how about bringing some candles into the bedroom? this occurred here last week and let me tell you…sparks flew. not literal sparks because that would be a fire hazard. do something to class up your bedroom to make it feel a little more romantic than if you were sharing the bedroom with your platonic BFF.
4) dress up:
i don’t mean you need to put on your prom dress and dance around (but if you do that take a video and send it to me) but remember when you put a little more effort in to your appearance and didn’t wear the same shirt 3 days in a row? this is less about trying to impress your spouse and more about you feeling better about yourself! chances are your spouse may not notice when you’re wearing a nicer shirt and did your hair but you will and that carries out in multiple levels of your relationship.
5) go (slightly) out of your way:
remember when you were dating and would buy each other a coffee, a surprise cookie or just leave a little note for the other one to find? do that again. those little things go incredibly far. they can be inexpensive and less than 5 minutes of your time. i’m pretty sure your spouse is at least worth that.
6) make time together:
yeah yeah life is busy and stressful and it’s hard to find the time just for each other, i get it. bad news…you probably won’t “find” the time, you have to MAKE it! agree to chill out on the netflix marathons and actually spend quality time together. get off buzzfeed and feed each other (weird? maybe). somehow when you first started dating, didn’t it seem like all you wanted to do was spend time together? think about why that was and go do those things together again!
7) acknowledge this:
one of the nice things about not actually being 100% in the dating zone is that you are hopefully able to communicate about this. marriages and partnerships take both people’s energy and the desire to make it a priority. when you want to see something change in your relationship, talk about it. come from a place of wanting to increase intimacy, not to place blame or nag and be patient. even after 3 months of trying this out, my husband and i still have to give reminders of “heeey! we’re dating again…don’t tell me about that!”
i still want my husband and me to feel incredibly close and comfortable with each other but what i’ve found through this is that we can still feel close while also feeling more attracted to each other.
please feel free to share this with your spouse or pass along to a friend who would enjoy reading it. after all, most people could use a little more passion and a lot less burping in their lives!
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Amanda
January 9, 2015 at 10:53 am
“Your spouse and the air will thank you.” Love it.
Amanda recently posted…Golden Vlog: January
chelsea
January 9, 2015 at 3:09 pm
you know it’s true, amanda 🙂
Ashley @ A Lady Goes West
January 9, 2015 at 11:12 am
Hi Chelsea! First time reading and stopping by via the BlogHer group. First of all, I love a blog devoted to relationships. I love all of these tips, and feel like my hubby of almost three years and I are pretty good on most accounts. We live in a tiny city apartment together, but still try to keep things to ourselves. We also believe in the weekly date night just the two of us. For some reason, dinner table conversation is always a good re-connector no matter what happens during the week. Hope you have a great weekend! 🙂
Ashley @ A Lady Goes West recently posted…Friday Favorites: A hodge-podge of goodies
chelsea
January 9, 2015 at 3:14 pm
hooray always love finding new blogs to read so thanks for stopping by ashley! so happy to hear that even after almost 3 years together, you make it a point to have weekly date nights with just the two of you! we find good conversations tend to pop up over dinner (and card games) too 🙂
Ashley @ Saving Money in your Twenties
January 9, 2015 at 11:51 am
I LOVE THIS! Funny you mention the bathroom, in the beginning of our relationship I put my foot down on the whole peeing in front of me thing and he couldn’t understand why I cared?! I was like uhhhh I really don’t want to see that. So thanks for making me feel not so crazy there. HA! Also, it seems like you guys are really good about doing cute little things for each other, like how he set up your christmas card station! I love little stuff like that 🙂
Ashley @ Saving Money in your Twenties recently posted…A friendly reminder to CHECK YOUR CREDIT CARD TRANSACTIONS
chelsea
January 9, 2015 at 3:15 pm
way to put your foot down in the beginning of your relationship about closing the bathroom door, ashley! we certainly did not (at least for peeing) and i realized that i too don’t want to see that! ha! awww the christmas card station was the BEST! those little things really make us feel great, don’t they 🙂
Courtney! @ Redefining Athlete
January 10, 2015 at 6:59 pm
Same shirt 3 days in a row… This eerily speaks to me 🙂
Great ideas! I really need to work on #3 and #4.
Courtney! @ Redefining Athlete recently posted…The Best Race Weekend of the Year?
chelsea
January 12, 2015 at 12:58 pm
haha glad i’m not alone in ‘recycling’ clothes courtney!
Debra C
January 12, 2015 at 5:09 pm
First time on your blog. I enjoyed your post! I’ve been married much longer, but these are great reminders. Life has a way of getting in the way, and it’s important to remember there’s small things we can do. Thanks for sharing!
Debra C recently posted…Fish love all around
chelsea
January 13, 2015 at 1:05 pm
thanks for stopping by debra! it’s true that life does have a way of getting in the way (i like that)!
Brett
January 13, 2015 at 12:56 pm
I LOVE this and I think it’s so so important to always think back to those days of dating and never completely stray away from them. And, I am definitely guilty of wearing the same shirt a few days in a row though!
chelsea
January 13, 2015 at 1:28 pm
couldn’t agree more with you, brett! those first few dates are what drew us to our partners so i think it’s great to keep them close by 🙂 glad i’m not alone in sporting the same shirt for multiple days in a row 🙂
Aimee Huang
January 13, 2015 at 1:19 pm
This is so important! I make it a point to have a date night at least once a week where we dress up for each other and go out! I think it makes our relationship stronger and keeps it fresh. 🙂
Aimee Huang recently posted…Get Perfect Posture With These 6 Yoga Poses
chelsea
January 14, 2015 at 8:27 am
i am so glad you make it a point to have a date night once a week INCLUDING dressing up for each other, aimee! i would imagine that it absolutely makes your relationship stronger. keep it up and thanks for your comment!
Christine
January 13, 2015 at 2:41 pm
Such an amazing post. My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. Every once in a while we do fall into a rut of being like roommates and when that happens, we realize that we need to spend more time together ALONE, which is not easy with 6 kids. Even if it is movie night in our room, it really makes a difference. I would love to have more date nights, though. So, I will tell him.
chelsea
January 14, 2015 at 8:30 am
congratulations on your marriage of over 20 years, christine! i cannot even imagine how precious time alone is with 6 kids around but it makes me happy to hear you make it a point to make that time! i’m sure your husband would love more date nights too so hopefully one is scheduled 🙂
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