Why Your Husband is Better Than Mine
why you should be content in your marriage
now before you think i’m a terrible wife who doesn’t love and appreciate her husband because i said “your husband is better than mine,” let’s first acknowledge that i truly believe i married the best person on earth…for me.
he utterly spoiled me with massive amounts of surprises for my birthday last week (like scheming with my mom to get her out here and fiery cupcakes), he is patient and tries his best to understand my struggles with anxiety. sometimes i even come home to perfect little pockets of happiness that make me feel like everything in the world is where it should be.
i feel incredibly lucky that we have found each other and incredibly grateful that we both choose to make our relationship our top priority.
it’s my intent with sharing in this space to empower people that good and healthy relationships do exist, but you have to invest in them.
i also share the tougher times we’ve experienced (like changing dreams) because we don’t have a perfect relationship either. we are two individuals choosing to spend life together and that is a complex thing.
when i wrote a post about how to stop feeling jealous in your relationship, many people commented that they often compare their relationships to others and it makes them jealous. i’ve been there before too.
here’s where the title of the article comes in… YOUR husband is better simply because he’s YOUR husband (and not mine, obviously. unless you think we’d be good sister wives). i am not in any way putting my husband down or saying he’s not good enough because he is the perfect partner for me. in fact, he’s the freaking best and he’s my best.
i was talking with someone who said something along the lines of “wow, you’re so lucky your husband did all those surprises for your birthday. i wish mine would do things like that.” i can’t argue too much with the first part because i am so lucky that my husband is the most thoughtful man on earth, but i know her husband does other things to show his appreciation for her.
i’ve been guilty of this but here’s a reminder for us all:
this even goes for “friends” on the internet because of course we are going to mainly post the positive, spectacular things on instagram and facebook. i don’t know about you but i don’t feel like taking a selfie in the middle of an argument with my husband and posting it. #angryface
my point is that we need to stop comparing ourselves/our partners/our relationships to others because we have something great right in front of us.
your husband is great because you picked him. he meets the qualities you are looking for in a partner and sure, when we see surprises of hot air balloon rides for anniversaries, maybe a small part of us wishes our partners would do that (ravery, i don’t actually want that).
if that is really is something you want, then express that but don’t compare yourself to others because we never see their full relationship.
you picked your partner for many reasons and because we are human, of course there are things we wish we could change about them.
if there are things that you wish your partner would do, then let them know. i talk about this in my e-book, but no one is a mind reader (don’t let those info-mercials tell you otherwise either because i’ve called those numbers and it’s a bunch of bologna).
my husband didn’t used to be a huge card giver on birthdays/anniversaries/holidays but that is something i really look forward to and is important to me. i told him how they often mean more to me than the gifts and i would appreciate receiving them and BOOM, now he gets me cards.
he doesn’t love tangible gifts and asked me to put the money towards getting him an experience. i wouldn’t have known this if he didn’t tell me.
no relationship or person is perfect, that’s the joy of experiencing all life has to offer.
believe that your spouse is better than mine (or anyone’s) because i believe mine trumps everyone else’s too. be confident in the person you picked to be your partner because your husband/partner/wife really is the best…and so is mine.
jennifermckennasays
January 30, 2015 at 10:09 am
Great post Chelsea! I agree with everything you said especially the part about no one wanting to post a selfie during an argument and posting the best of life- For example, I am sick and feeling miserable- but my husband who is so perfect for ME- is going to get me medicine and fuzzy socks and ice cream because he knows that when you are sick the diet goes out the window- just like when he is sick- I know he prefers to be alone and I know that doesn’t need the same things I do because we are different- Also last year, I told him for Valentines Day I wanted a card- that’s it and he surprised me with a love letter- which was way beyond what I expected and I got that simply by asking for it- Cool concept, right?
chelsea
January 30, 2015 at 10:20 am
thanks jennifer and i’m so glad you found the perfect husband for you 🙂 fuzzy socks can do wonders. that’s a great point that you know he doesn’t want/need the same things from you even in that same situation. that’s great!
i totally “awwww’d” out loud that he surprised you with a love letter on valentine’s day! so sweet and i’m glad you let him know what you wanted from that holiday (and he over delivered)!
chelsea recently posted…Why Your Husband is Better Than Mine
Monika
January 30, 2015 at 10:11 am
Like I said, we are the same person. >>my husband didn’t used to be a huge card giver on birthdays/anniversaries/holidays but that is something i really look forward to and is important to me. i told him how they often mean more to me than the gifts and i would appreciate receiving them and BOOM, now he gets me cards. >> only you are way ahead of the game haha. Probably because married and together for so much longer. I’m still working on it… But I can totally relate to this post. I am the queen of jealousy when it comes to friends and relationships and just about anything haha… terrible I know. But you’re right that most people only talk about the really good things and hide the bad.
chelsea
January 30, 2015 at 10:22 am
i think that’s great that you are working on monika, that’s huge! i’ve been there too and it helps to remember that we are usually only seeing our friends’ happy times and not necessarily their low times. in order to change anything we have to be aware of it and then do something about it, which you are! keep rocking it lady!
Audrey
January 30, 2015 at 11:32 am
I love this. I actually have a draft saved to my blog that talks about the silly fights Kyle and I have and how Facebook was only created to share the “perfect” moments 🙂
My husband is a very distracted, somewhat reserved person and he’s not outwardly romantic, but I LOVE him because of this. Sometimes I see men go all out and light candles and order 6 dozen roses and I think “awwww” but then I think, “What would I do with all those dead flowers?” Lol. Kyle proposed in an empty parking lot of a closed-down ice cream shop because it’s where our first date had been. Right before that he took me to Starbucks because he knows I like coffee. No fireworks, no sunset backdrop beach proposal. Those things are great for other people, but my husband is tailored for me and this article was such a wonderful reminder!
P.S. What does your shoulder tattoo symbolize?
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chelsea
January 30, 2015 at 1:31 pm
ohhh excited to read that post when it gets published, audrey! that is totally why facebook was created and don’t even get me started on those instagram filters 🙂
that is so sweet of how kyle proposed! i couldn’t have said it better because it was perfectly ‘tailored’ for you! we ate burritos right before my husband proposed 🙂 i would much rather have those little things that mean a lot than 6 hundred roses!
the tree is a take off of the irish tree of life. everything is interconnected and intersects. plus, i just love me some trees!
Audrey
January 30, 2015 at 2:12 pm
I wasn’t going to make a post today but since it’s all done and yours was so inspirational, I went for it, haha!
It’s a beautiful tree! I love when tattoos have awesome stories/meanings and represent more than one thing!
chelsea
January 31, 2015 at 9:16 am
hoooray! going to read it now!
Amberly
January 30, 2015 at 12:42 pm
I was so excited when I read the title of this post in my feed because I knew it was going to be something amazing like this!! 🙂 I love this so much. There are a lot of times when I think about all of the reasons that Joe is perfect for me even if he may not be doing all of the romantic things that other husband’s are doing and I’m so grateful for him!! 🙂
Amberly recently posted…When You Disagree
chelsea
January 30, 2015 at 1:51 pm
thanks so much for reading, amberly! it’s pretty great when we can step back and realize that the things our husbands do for us are exactly what we need! it can be hard not to compare it to others because people, of course, post their highlights! glad you’re feeling grateful for all the things joe does for you!
Rachel G
January 30, 2015 at 7:20 pm
Man, I love this so much. Contentedness is so key. My husband is my best, the one for me. It’s not like I’m blind–obviously others are married to men with higher-paying jobs, bigger muscles, better taste in gift-giving, who cares…but why would any of that affect me or my marriage? For me, there’s only Angel.
Rachel G recently posted…Anna’s Senior Pictures
chelsea
January 31, 2015 at 9:25 am
excellent candid points about bigger muscles and more money and blah blah blah but SO happy you know that angel is YOUR very best husband. it was a powerful thing for me to realize when i found myself comparing at times. thanks for your comment rachel!
Rebecca
February 4, 2015 at 10:12 am
I don’t know if could love this post any more! I really do fall in to this trap sometimes even with non-real people like husbands I see in movies. But then I remember that husbands in movies and books aren’t real and mine his. He is a real person with flaws and quirks, but you are right, he is better. He is better than anyone imaginary because he’s MY husband.
Rebecca recently posted…Currently – Volume 6
chelsea
February 4, 2015 at 2:00 pm
thanks so much for reading and sharing, rebecca! i’m right there with you in that trap because those damn movie husbands seemingly usually have it all together. then i try to remind myself they are fake but it’s still hard not to wish for other things. your husband is perfect for exactly you!