What Challenges Do Current Marriages Face?

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hopefully you started this morning with a list of “i get to…” instead of “i have to…” and feel so much better about life because it’s working for me!

as i mentioned last week, i am dreaming big and doing something that makes me nervous…i’m getting serious about writing a book (more details here)! it’s a darn good thing my word of the year is capable because i am feeling all of the feels during this process.

something strange keeps happening in my head. part of me thinks “oh i should keep this totally a secret until it’s polished and published” and then the other part is like “but i am part of a community of smart and intelligent people, many of whom are my target market or know someone who is and could help me!

since it seems like most everyone goes the first route of keeping a book under wraps until it’s totally finished, i have decided to do the opposite since ya know…choices. the rebel in me will always remain. i attribute this to billy idol kissing me when i was 16. when i mentioned this to someone, he said ‘but what if someone steals your outline?!’ my response, ‘well. that would be shitty but regardless, it’s my content with my spin so it wouldn’t really matter!’  however, that is still not an invitation 😉

rings up close

i would love and appreciate your insight around the content of this book. the new wifestyle book is a nonreligious guide for soon-to-be or newlywed wives. yes, feminism exists and yet there is still a 30% wage gap, women are still not fully choosing to chase after their dreams and marriages are still failing at alarming rates with disparities between spouses. we have come a long way but there is more to go. the book will contain content around building an intentional marriage, the difficulties that exist within many marriages and what to do about them and how to create a partnership while still being an empowered woman in a fulfilling marriage.

below you will find my outline. i know not everyone who reads this blog is my exact target market for this book (women in north america between the ages of 20-30 year who are engaged or newlyweds) but i would still love to hear your thoughts! below are the chapters. i have more clever names for some of them but want you to understand what they are about. i am curious to know:

what do you wish someone had told you before you got married?

what have you observed about millennials and our relationships?

biggest conflicts you see within your own marriage or friend’s marriages?

feel free to comment on the blog or send me a private message chelsea @ thenewwifestyle.com with your thoughts. thank you! you are helping to influence a book that i know many of us wish we could have had when we got married!

Introduction – Because the world of marriage is changing
      Why live The New Wifestyle

Chapter 1: Pre-Marital – Because this is not a drill

  1. Why engagements should never be a surprise
  2. The last name debacle
  3. What are deal breakers?
  4. Should you decide to have a wedding (ideas for non-traditional weddings)

Chapter 2: Empowered Self – Because you are a badass woman

  1. Your dreams
  2. Your career
  3. Your happiness
  4. Your spirituality

Chapter 3: Creating Your Partnership – Because it is a choice

  1. Creating the foundation
  2. Developing core values together
  3. Division of labor
  4. Finances and money talk

Chapter 4: Communication – Because the silent treatment doesn’t work

  1. Communication strategies (no mind readers, words are powerful, creating a strike list)
  2. Dealing with technology
  3. How to argue
  4. A new bedtime ritual (the 4 questions to ask before bed)

Chapter 5: Sex and Intimacy – Because we all deserve to desire and be desired

  1. Difference between sex and intimacy
  2. Sex drives and desires
  3. Creating deeper connections

Chapter 6: Family and Friends– Because it really is a package deal

  1. Navigating the in-laws
  2. Procreation talk
  3. Friends – over-sharing isn’t sexy

Chapter 7: Living The New Wifestyle – Because it’s about choice, not expectations

  1. How to prioritize yourself and your marriage
  2. Go forth
  3. Call to action


  1. Amberly

    October 14, 2015 at 10:04 am

    Umm… this book is going to be THE BOMB!!! Just chapter 1 is getting me excited!!! Why do people do surprise proposals??? For real!! I’m excited to read all of this when you’ve got it done! This book is going to be so awesome, seriously! I’m working on an Ebook outline right now and you’ve inspired me and made me more motivated to get my outline put together. I’ll have to get your thoughts when I do. Don’t worry, it’s nothing like yours 😉
    Amberly recently posted…The Perks of Being Married to a Green Grocer

    • chelsea

      October 14, 2015 at 1:33 pm

      thanks for your encouragement amberly and glad it could help with your outline of your ebook too! see what happens when we share (yay!) i’d absolutely love to help and brainstorm with ideas for your book too 🙂

  2. Jennifer Haston

    October 14, 2015 at 10:59 am

    Hey Chelsea! I hope this helps! Excited about your bravery to share your plans ahead of time. Way to be different and brave!

    what do you wish someone had told you before you got married?
    That the me to we, requires adjustments- Important to realize your partner does not need to go to everything with you in order to have a good marriage.

    what have you observed about millennials and our relationships?
    we do so much on social media/devices/ sometimes face to face contacts can get lost in the wake of texting/ — MUST have a DATE NIGHT. I used to think it was super un-sexy to schedule DATE night but now I think its VITAL.

    biggest conflicts you see within your own marriage or friend’s marriages? Money, Kids, In-Laws.. so much to say — but suffice it to say, know you will have conflicts, and do your best to get help before you are married, too often people think of counseling as something to do AFTER there is a HUGE problem, its a good thing to do before marriage to try to uncover issues that you KNOW are a struggle before you start. The tools you get there are helpful.

    • chelsea

      October 14, 2015 at 1:35 pm

      thanks jennifer – i have not always felt brave in the attempt so thank you! i so appreciate your comments and you are right, we all will have conflicts so be preared for them and how to deal with them. these are great! thank you so much!

  3. Audrey

    October 14, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    I’m going to email you my answers because I don’t want anyone stealing them… I’m just kidding, but I really am going to email them because I don’t want to feel restricted in this little comment box 😉

    Like I said, I’m very excited for your book!! I think it’s great that you’re making the outline public. If anyone tries to swipe your material we can hunt them down together and steal it back!
    Audrey recently posted…Halloween Costumes | Part 2

    • chelsea

      October 14, 2015 at 1:36 pm

      you are so great, thanks audrey for emailing me some of your thoughts! can’t wait to hear about what you are thinking! thank you also for being on my team of hunting down any stealers and getting it back! we need a team name…

      • jennifermckennasays

        October 15, 2015 at 8:55 pm

        Chelsea, I want to join that team!! “New Wifestyle Ninjas”
        I hope its not necessary but thats my pick for team name !!

        • chelsea

          October 18, 2015 at 10:43 am

          ha! love it. thanks for coming to the team defense of NWN 🙂

  4. Krystal

    October 14, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    For me it’s similar to the things most of us wish we could have learned growing up: communicating clearly and consistently, how to talk about the hard stuff & discovering where each others beliefs stem from (& how to change beliefs that came into this relationship but don’t serve it…because its what our parents do or society says is the way, etc.), what it is to be a good listener and keeping the dang ego out of it, and being able to keep bringing the focus back to what is really the issue & what’s really important. Also about loving ourselves and how that relationship needs to be solid & healthy first. Working on these things after the commitment is still good but it is also harder.
    Props to you for the choices your making regarding this new adventure and it looks like it will an amazing book!

    • chelsea

      October 14, 2015 at 1:38 pm

      thank you krystal for sharing your thoughts! it’s crazy how most of us are never taught how to properly communicate (myself included) seems like that should be a core class that starts young. i really do appreciate the other suggestions you have, especially about needing to love yourself first. thanks for your encouragement too 🙂

  5. Lindsay

    October 14, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    This outline is amazing. Your book is going to be amazing. YOU are amazing. Happy to cheer for you as you take this on, friend. 🙂 When it gets tough, never forget that you are amazing and CAPABLE (see what I did there?). 🙂
    Lindsay recently posted…A Wedding! A Wedding! Hooray!

    • chelsea

      October 18, 2015 at 10:36 am

      thank you lindsay!! i so appreciate your support and thanks for being (perhaps an unknown) motivator for me to get serious about it all!

  6. Elyse

    October 15, 2015 at 3:39 am

    I’ll be emailing my answers since I have a feeling I’ll be wrting my own novel…
    Elyse recently posted…Joint Decision-Making

    • chelsea

      October 18, 2015 at 10:36 am

      got your email and you said SO many helpful things, elyse! thank you for taking the time 🙂

  7. Drew

    October 15, 2015 at 5:07 am

    “What do you wish someone had told you before you got married?”

    I’m glad that close friends of ours warned us of the emotional/physical crash that followed after our Big Day. You forget the months of preparation in the engagement period as well as the emotional and physical stress that’s involved. First time everything?! It really was a life changer for my wife and I. My advice is just to be aware and make appropriate adjustments. (like not driving out from the hotel on your own!!!! – we crashed our car literally!)

    Sounds like a well-anticipated book and a must for those contemplating about their own Big Day and marriage!

    • chelsea

      October 18, 2015 at 10:42 am

      what an excellent point to bring up drew! so scary that you literally crashed the car – ack! glad you are all okay.

      your comment totally flashed me back to the night after our wedding when silly drama stuff was happening and suddenly i couldn’t handle it and just burst out crying. thanks for your comment on this!

  8. Paula Howley

    October 16, 2015 at 1:33 am

    Honestly, I LOVE the outline for this book. I will likely buy and USE this book even though I am old enough to be your mama. lol
    You have covered a lot of solid ground but it doesn’t look “Oh my god! too much information!!!!!!!” I think it’s a winner- NO BULLSHIT. Also, if you want feedback, feel free to ask for it.
    a couple of thoughts that occurred to me- possible guest writers for topics that I think should still be addressed- 1. how the baby changes stuff
    2. marrying someone who already HAS a kid
    Super super excited for this Chels- this is a necessary book- nothing out there like it yet.
    Paula Howley recently posted…Ankle Deep in Brain Dust…plus, a story!

    • chelsea

      October 18, 2015 at 10:40 am

      thaaaaank you paula! i was hoping you’d comment (and if you didn’t then i was going to email you)! thanks for your offer of more feedback, glad you are open to it because i shall most likely take you up on it!

      great point on marrying someone who already has a kid! i hadn’t thought of that! i am thinking that ‘the new wifestyle’ volume 2 shall be more heavily focused on kids (once we have them and go through that because i am a much better writer-from-experience-person). thanks for getting more wheels turning paula!

  9. chelsea jacobs

    October 17, 2015 at 7:05 am

    LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Cannot wait for this!
    chelsea jacobs recently posted…Dear Pre-Pregnant Me.

    • chelsea

      October 18, 2015 at 10:37 am

      thanks chelsea! i’m feeling good about where things are headed 🙂

  10. Ashley Servis

    November 1, 2015 at 6:48 pm

    I’m really excited for this book! When is it going to be launched.
    Ashley Servis recently posted…October Fav’s & Fails

    • chelsea

      November 2, 2015 at 7:08 am

      thanks so much ashley!! it is dependent on when i can find a publisher 🙂

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