Tell Me Something Good – Procreation Choices

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first of all – holy smokes! thank you to every single person who commented, “liked,” texted, called or sent telepathic vibes to us about the announcement of little bavery! i had to charge my phone three times on wednesday because of all of the outpouring of love coming in. i also teared up at many of the comments (only partially due to hormones) so thank you thank you thank you for all of the love!


our friend jen took the above photo when she was visiting us in portland and i adore sugar’s uncertain/unimpressed face at the exciting news. haha

i shall do my best not to overwhelm you with baby posts but i am excited to add this to the list of things i can share with you, now in a much less unfiltered way since it’s out in the open! i will talk more about my first trimester in another post but to quickly sum it up – it was rough for me. it was not fun and i distinctly remember lying on my bed in misery thinking “i kind of hope there are two in there because no part of me wants to do this whole thing again.”

i share this with you to lead into my ‘tell me something good’ post for the day. it has to do with choices we, especially as women, get to make when it comes to procreation. i have worked not to get pregnant for the past decade. that was a choice i made and that is something SO good.

i have shared in multiple posts about me firmly believing that it is a choice to have children, and not a requirement for a fulfilling life. i have written about wondering if my biological clock was broken and then i shared a few months ago about how happy i was to enjoy my time with my husband, baby-free. i actually had that post queued up for quite some time but was nervous to share it. afterall, the new wifestyle is founded on the firm belief that we get to make choices in our lives and not live by outdated expectations (read the manifesto lately?)

here’s the awesome thing about making choices and decisions – we get to make them. we get to decide and then change our mind when circumstance change. we, as incredible humans, get to decide what is right for us. i say this as a white woman living a very privileged life in north america but many of you reading this now share in that same privilege and it’s not afforded to everyone around the world. let’s not take that for granted.

once i made the decision that i wanted to bring a life into this world (that’s a hefty post for another time), it happened quickly. i say “once i made the decision” because my husband has been ready for literally years. YEARS. i do not want to be insensitive to those couples who are trying to get pregnant and are struggling because i cannot imagine how hard that must be. for us though, it happened fast and suddenly my body and mind were going through so many challenging and unpleasant changes.

as i struggled to get out of bed, eat anything or attempt to do one thing on my “to-do list” these past few months, i started thinking how lucky i was that i got a choice when i wanted to have a baby. it wasn’t like merely a few decades ago when birth control wasn’t readily available or FREE if insured in the USA (#thanksobama). if you wanted to have sex back then, chances were you got pregnant, whether you wanted to or not.

not to get into a heated debate over birth control or beliefs around controlling procreation individually but i am also thankful that we have options when it comes to family planning. as i laid there, in one particularly horrendous month, i thought about how miserable i felt. maybe i felt 3% of joy and excitement about the end result of feeling this terrible but the whole rest of my being was miserable. as i laid there i couldn’t help but think “how horrible this experience would be if a woman didn’t want this embryo and yet she had to go through with all of this.” regardless of your personal opinions or mine in this matter, the fact that women have more control over what happens to us/our families and when is empowering.

i am thankfully starting to feel much better and have a slight increase in my energy so i am enjoying the process more. my husband has been insanely supportive and once went to the grocery store twice in one day because i thought i might be able to stomach a bagel and then later some 7-up. he’s a champ – ha! because he literally is a world champion too.

so in this longer “tell me something good” i want to say thank you to everyone who showed us love, support and encouragement with our exciting news! also thank you to the people who have worked hard so that we as women have more control over baby-making! oh, and i can finally lay in bed in less misery and start getting more excited about what’s to come so yay!

okay, you’re turn! please share something good!

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  1. Nick

    March 4, 2016 at 2:04 am

    Something good huh? Well, in the family field, the smallest one loves a good curry which means I get to eat good food.

    Though also good, is I’ve found an amazing burger joint near work.

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:08 am

      whoa that is SO impressive, nick! my tastebuds still don’t really care for curry so i am in awe. burgers on the other hand…i try to eat at least 1-4 a week right now 🙂 yay finding one near work!
      chelsea recently posted…Tell Me Something Good – Procreation Choices

  2. Kate

    March 4, 2016 at 3:38 am

    Congratulations! Hope your 2nd trimester is better so you can really enjoy this time! And seriously, if you have any questions, just ask! 🙂

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:09 am

      yay thank you kate! thank for being there and open to my questions – you’re so great! excited to read about newborn life to mentally prepare 🙂

  3. Jane H

    March 4, 2016 at 4:11 am

    Congratulations to you both and thanks for your candid comments on the procreation process.

    Your fellow Toastmaster,

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:10 am

      i appreciate you reading and for your comment jane 🙂

  4. Hana Bilqisthi

    March 4, 2016 at 5:58 am

    I am glad you start feeling better and have supportive husband 🙂 Once again, congratulation 😀
    Hana Bilqisthi recently posted…Rekomendasi Buku dari Siti & Ridha

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:17 am

      thank you hana! yes, i am so grateful for his support and understanding because i am not always the easiest… 🙂

  5. Jennifer Haston

    March 4, 2016 at 6:09 am

    Chelsea, I am sorry the first trimester was tough for you, but as always, thank you for being transparent, I am glad you are doing better and enjoying things more! That look of radiance on your face is pretty awesome. My tell you something good (cue Chaka) is when I was watching “The Voice” last night with my husband, I was truly rooting people on and excited for them, after not being chosen in January, I was a little worried the green monster would have me in its clutches but I am happy to say it is not. I am just as excited for them as I was for me! I do believe I will eventually be on the show, so now is not that season.

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:20 am

      thank you for reading and your comment jennifer 🙂 the photo was taken after our last vocal women webinar and as you know – a speaker’s high is a real thing! i think that’s contributing 🙂

      that is such a great thing to hear about being truly happy for people even though you aren’t singing with them *right now* go you!

  6. Audrey

    March 4, 2016 at 6:44 am

    I really like your honest “tell me something good” topic for today. It’s SO true and I think about it a lot. I am glad that I get to decide what to do with ME. It seems like a common sense thing but it’s not.

    I got to decide who I wanted to marry- not my dad making the decision for me. I get to decide where I work, how I spend my money, and what opinions I have- not an overbearing husband telling me what to do & think. I get to have a baby- or not have a baby- when I want to… and I have things at my disposal to ensure that I’m not forced into tough choices (like don’t use protect or don’t have sex). All of these things have been (and still are) a concern for our sex and it’s so good that we don’t have to fear for our lives when making decisions about our bodies!
    Audrey recently posted…Thoughts I have while sitting at the OB/GYN

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:22 am

      it was one of those posts that i was nervous/excited to share so thanks for saying that audrey 🙂 agreed that it seems so common sense but really it’s not!

      EXCELLENT points on extending out the choices we get to make in terms of marriage, working, money, opinions – you are so right! well said and i appreciate you sharing your thoughts!

  7. Elyse

    March 4, 2016 at 7:59 am

    I’m seriously so stoked for you!!

    It’s a great reminder that we do have choices. I’ll admit that in our marriage it’s what can cause conflicts. I HATE having to compromise. There I said it. I feel like with these types of big choices that someone is putting their life on hold. I waited a LONG time to get engaged because my husband wasn’t ready. We’re married and now I’m (not always so) patiently waiting for him to be ready for children. It sucks but I would rather wait and let him be ready for children instead of forced into it even if I can hear my biological clock loudly ticking away.
    Elyse recently posted…A Few Good Men

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:25 am

      yay! thank you elyse! also thank you so much for being honest about how hard it is to compromise and sharing that it’s been a challenge at times waiting for your husband to be ready. i am working on post exactly about how hard that is because it’s something we’ve struggled with for years – he was ready and i wasn’t.

      as you already said and i can attest to, it’s a much more satisfying experience to go through together once you get on that same page. acknowledge that body clock and let her know you’ll get to her as soon as it’s right 🙂

  8. Amberly

    March 4, 2016 at 8:58 am

    The first trimester is always a doozy!!! For me, so was half of my second because I caught a nasty cough/sinus infection and was actually more miserable than I was the first trimester, BUT it’s all so worth it!! I am SO excited!!! If you ever want to chat, you know I’m here and more than willing to be open and honest about the addition of a baby to your family!! You and Ryan have a strong marriage, I know this will be a positive shift for your family!
    Amberly recently posted…Date Night In The Kitchen: Build Your Own Gourmet Mac

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:32 am

      oh no – so sorry to hear you had to deal with a bad sickness right after the first trimester! you are right, i know it will all be worth it but woof those few months were a doozy! thank you so much for your offer to chat – i SO appreciate it as i’ve admired how you’ve added your sweet bensen to the mix!

  9. Claire

    March 4, 2016 at 9:09 am

    First of all: CONGRATULATIONS!!! So exciting for you and Ryan 🙂

    Second, your honesty is a breath of fresh air. I have the impression that it is easy to fall under the trap that pregnancy is all magic and bliss, free of discomfort. Kudos for your honesty, and hooray for your next adventure (because lots of great stuff is coming up too)!!

    Something good: well…discovered two great teas: Cold 911 and Magic Dragon from David’s tea. Check it out!

    Happy Friday 🙂

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:34 am

      thank you claire! also, thank you for your comment about enjoying this post because i was hesitant to post it so thank you 🙂

      i also got caught up in the magical and bliss of it all and just assumed since i’m healthy and fit, it’d be no big deal but oh how wrong i was. glad i’m on the upswing now though 🙂

      yay for new teas! i will have to keep an eye out because most tea always just tastes like hot water to me and i don’t love them so thanks for the recommendations!

  10. Charlene

    March 4, 2016 at 9:20 am

    So true! I am so thankful for birth control! Though, I changed insurance at the beginning of the year and when I picked up my prescription this past month, it wasn’t free anymore… I need to look more into that. Anyway, yay birth control! And yay for making choices! We are waiting till my husband gets out of school. Or at least that’s what we’re telling people because it makes sense to them and it’s an easy answer. But the reality is, I’m not ready to be a mom. And that’s perfectly fine!!! I may never be a mom and that’s totally okay. Ugh. it drives me crazy when people think and imply that women have to have children to be fulfilled. It’s such a double standard. And a stereotype or social norm or whatever you want to call it that needs to be debunked! Just like in your situation, my husband would be happy to have a baby right now. (except for the school thing but we could make it work). I’m the one who is not ready. And I think that blows a lot of people’s minds. Okay sorry for the rant. haha Stepping off my soapbox now. I didn’t mean for this to go on so long.
    Charlene recently posted…What I’m Up to in March {2016}

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:37 am

      oh no, that’s odd that your prescription wasn’t free last month? definitely check that out!

      thanks also for being candid and open about your real reason to not want a child right now. i know it’s sometimes awkward and scary to say that to other people but when i started to – it was actually incredibly empowering. i felt like maybe it would open their minds to realizing not everyone immediately has a desire to have a kid, especially coming from a woman! rant away any time because i totally agree! thanks charlene 🙂

  11. Rose Swearingen

    March 4, 2016 at 9:25 am

    So here is my good thing for the day. I gave a speech this morning at my club about body shaming and Barbie. I recently purchased a ‘curvy” Barbie and how after waiting 40 years there is finally a doll that I can say looks like me. And that I hope there is a new generation of girls who do not think they are inferior to an unattainable standard. I won best speaker and will take it to a contest tomorrow. I am finally speaking about what I am most passionate about.

    Oh and I am over the moon about the bavery! Could not be happier for two of my favorite people.

    • chelsea

      March 4, 2016 at 10:40 am

      well done, rose! thank you for speaking up about body shaming and including the new barbie too – you are amazing! yay taking it contest tomorrow – i hope it goes excellent!!! love that you are speaking about what you are passionate about – that is SO good!

      thanks for being excited for us too – yay!

  12. Paige

    March 4, 2016 at 11:00 am

    Ah! Congrats!! No lie, I had my suspicions over the last month or so. I couldn’t help but feel like something was up *side eye*

    Something good? The comments in your ‘Broken Clock’ post really gave me food for thought. I’m 36 and have never felt the urge to procreate. Like, not even a little. I thought my feelings might change once I got married, but nope. Your post and the subsequent comments confirmed how I felt. Children are a choice. I can’t think of a more selfish thing then to have kids because it’s expected. Should the ‘urge’ hit me, I’ll have some serious reconsidering to do…but until then I’m confident my choice is the right choice for me! So thanks!

    • chelsea

      March 5, 2016 at 9:15 am

      haha really? you had suspicions?? dang, you’re good paige!

      i am SO happy to hear that those comments helped you from the ‘broken clock’ post because i went back and looked through those comments A LOT. totally agree with you that such a selfish reason to have kids is because they are ‘expected.’ and to be honest, i still have never felt that urge of “must procreate and NOW” and that’s okay 🙂

  13. Vivien

    March 4, 2016 at 1:04 pm

    Looking forward to your future posts!
    Something good…half my present for my friend’s baby shower has arrived in time! (I sense a theme…hehe) The other half is on backorder (dur) but I’m happy I get to hand her something tangible on the day of her party. And I’ll probably have to mail the rest to her house once it gets here.
    Vivien recently posted…Why I Almost Vowed to Never Enter a Tall Tales Contest

    • chelsea

      March 5, 2016 at 9:24 am

      thanks vivien 🙂

      woohoo! glad part of the present arrived – that always is a relief! i bet that will be an even better surprise because people love getting packages in the real mail so extra bonus (well not for you paying shipping) but i bet your friend will be double happy!
      chelsea recently posted…Tell Me Something Good – Procreation Choices

  14. Karen

    March 4, 2016 at 2:44 pm

    Here’s something good: my son has been the joy of my life and I would go through it all over again! I felt that way the day after he was born and I feel the same way now.

    When I first read bavery I thought you called the baby bravery! May your baby bring you the absolute joy mine brought me.

    You will be great parents!

    • chelsea

      March 5, 2016 at 9:25 am

      that is indeed something good, karen! thanks for sharing that 🙂

      ha nope bavery but hopefully this little one encompasses lots of bravery too!

      thanks for your vote of confidence in our parentings – we will sure try our best!

  15. Rachel G

    March 4, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    Very true that you’re lucky on both sides–to not get pregnant when you didn’t want to and to get pregnant precisely when you wanted to. I used to think getting pregnant must be really easy since people do it all the time…experience has taught me otherwise, so I consider it absolutely amazing to get your precious little baby just as soon as you wanted him or her!!! 🙂 Looking forward to seeing the little one!
    Rachel G recently posted…How a Cosmetologist Gets a Haircut

    • chelsea

      March 5, 2016 at 9:26 am

      oh absolutely! not taking either side for granted. i am going to talk more about this in another post but based off of multiple recommendations from my “broken clock” post, i read the book “taking charge of your fertility” where you track your ovulation and that is how we got pregnant basically immediately. it’s big book but most of it is appendices and insanely fascinating about how awesome the female body is!

  16. Bill Burns

    March 4, 2016 at 7:10 pm

    I remember it as all good including the 2am feedings which I did many with baby formula. There was wearing spit up on the shoulder of my suit jacket as a badge of honor and getting teased by my boss for humming Itsy Bitsy Spider in my office.

    It’s an unbelievable adventure and you two will be amazing parents!!!

    • chelsea

      March 5, 2016 at 9:27 am

      ha! love the badge of honor with spit up, bill 🙂 that’s super sweet. thanks for your kind words about our parenting – i am just glad we get to do it together!

  17. chelsea jacobs

    March 7, 2016 at 7:24 am

    CONGRATULATIONS!! Ahhh, this is so exciting! I am so happy for you-it’s the biggest adventure I’ve been on so far!
    chelsea jacobs recently posted…Things I (Probably) Should Have Learned How to do in College.

    • chelsea

      March 7, 2016 at 10:30 am

      yay thank you chelsea! loved watching your journey becoming a mom!

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