How to Know If You “Married Up”

By  |  8 Comments

how to know if you married up?

do you ever look at your partner and think “how the hell did i land you?!” sure, maybe not every day like when they ask you where the car keys are for 17th time or when they literally see everything as they pull your child from your body…but like, all those other days.

the days when you come home to a clean house, dinner on the table, extra large glass of malbec poured and he’s wearing your favorite t-shirt. yes, yes, those are some of my favorite days but you get what i’m saying.

those days when your partner goes above and beyond, seems to meet all your ‘love language‘ needs and smells really nice. those days.

How to Know if You Married Up!

here are 4 ways you know you married up:

1) you don’t carry all the weight

no, i don’t mean in your hips – i mean in your relationship and your life. you both take your turns being ‘strong’ when the other one is struggling. it ebbs and flows. you feel like the responsibilities are fair between you two (that doesn’t necessarily mean equal in every way). your spouse is working hard at marriage/career/parenting/household chores/etc. in ways that work for the two of you.

2) you feel pride in your spouse

you get excited when your spouse succeeds! you celebrate their success as if it is your own. you like showing up to parties holding each other’s hand. you enjoy telling others about what your spouse is like.

3) you respect your spouse

you respect your spouse’s opinion (though you don’t always have to agree with it). you consider and appreciate their feelings and thoughts. they have a voice in your relationship and way of life. you hear, acknowledge and support their dreams, hopes and fears.

4) you BOTH feel these things

here’s the secret to a fulfilling marriage: both of you feel like you married up. i have talked to countless couples, young and old, in many parts of the world. the main thing i hear over and over is how each individual feels like he or she is incredibly lucky to have found the other.

i don’t love to admit this next sentence: i have been in an unhealthy relationship where i settled, knew it on some level, and felt superior to him. it wasn’t good for either of us.

i am thankful i cultivated new relationship habits and ended up with the person i did. we have many conversations about how we met, how we complement each other and how each of us feel lucky to have found the other. we both agree we married up!

what do you think? do you agree about both people feeling like they married up?

How to Know if You Married Up!



  1. Elyse @ Just Murrayed

    April 12, 2017 at 7:41 am

    I agree with this completely, Chelsea! I think a dozen times a year we both repeat it to each other. I think when you complement each other and respect each other it’s just a natural reaction to a healthy relationship.
    Elyse @ Just Murrayed recently posted…10 Saturday Morning Date Ideas

    • chelsea

      April 18, 2017 at 9:15 am

      love that you say this so many times in a year to each other, elyse! yay for BOTH marrying up 🙂

  2. Audrey

    April 12, 2017 at 7:59 am

    The night of our wedding my brother-in-law (who was rather intoxicated) leaned over to me and said, “You know. You really married up.”
    Hahaha. I still hold that sentence against him, but what he meant (and totally didn’t say) was that he loves his family and he was excited to have me married into it. Hahaha. But still- whenever I hear the phrase “married up” I think of his drunken half-compliment. Lol.
    Audrey recently posted…What I Read… vol. 4

    • chelsea

      April 18, 2017 at 9:16 am

      haha WHAT! that is too funny that your BIL said that to you and you continue to hold that over him (all in a lovingly joking way). oh drunken compliments – providing entertainment since the stone age!

  3. Elizabeth

    April 12, 2017 at 11:40 am

    I love this Chelsea–I never really liked the idea of “marrying up” because it always brought me negative connotations (like one person not being pretty enough or good enough for the other). But this made me think of the phrase in a whole new light.
    Elizabeth recently posted…Coffee Chat // April

    • chelsea

      April 18, 2017 at 9:17 am

      yay! glad it provided a new way of thinking about ‘marrying up’ elizabeth! ps. your new website looks amazing!!

  4. Christina @ Hugs and Lattes

    April 23, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    Oh I’ve been thinking this for 3 years! My favorite moments are when Pai is encouraging someone, or he is talking about something he is passionate about and his eyes light up. But it’s also awesome when I come downstairs from a nap and he’s doing the dishes and has made me hot chocolate! :p

    • chelsea

      April 24, 2017 at 12:58 pm

      awww that is such sweetness to hear what you admire about pai, especially when he’s being helpful to so many in his life! also – cheers to a husband cleaning up and knowing what we like!