10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

By  |  9 Comments


isn’t it funny how we are taught about geometry and chemistry but we are rarely taught the characteristics of a healthy relationship? and by ‘funny’ i mean sad and often times harmful to the relationships we are in.

why is it important to know if you’re in a healthy relationship? because life is too short to be in an unhealthy one. i should know – i was in one for three whole years. thankfully i got out of it but it took lots of unlearning, various resources and apologizing to have the healthy relationship i have with my husband. oh and ‘healthy’ does not mean ‘perfect.’ if you are hoping for perfect, stop it because you will be unhappy forever.

how to take good couples pictures ryan and chelsea avery

here are 10 signs of a healthy relationship:

1) mutual respect

the definition of respect is having the deep admiration of someone based on their qualities, abilities and/or achievements. both people need to have this for the other. we all know those people that tend to talk disrespectfully to or about their significant other. that’s no good.

r-e-s-p-e-c-t. aretha franklin knew what she was talking about.

2) encouragement of each other

this is a big one. do you know your spouse’s goals? do you encourage them along the way of achieving them? my husband is the person that knows me the best. because i spend the most time with him, his encouragement goes so far with me! you don’t have to be a motivational speaker to encourage your spouse. show your support by being active and vocal in their interests, hobbies and goals!

3) the relationship is a partnership

a partnership requires two people who value each other and the relationship. there is give and take. you share in the risks and benefits of living life together. no one is better than the other. you are a team!

4) feelings are shared openly and honestly

not everyone is comfortable or even knows how to share feelings openly and honestly. this is an enormous element in your relationship because we have to base our actions off what the other person tells us. one way to start is by using “yes means yes” concept (um yeah, i totally had to plug our new TEDxTalk!)

5) both value and prioritize the relationship

this is an area where i see a lot of contention between couples. one person puts more value or effort into the relationship than the other. i totally know life gets busy and sometimes date nights get pushed out because children have high needs or a project at work needs attention. however, if only one person is constantly putting effort into the marriage and the other one isn’t, issues will arise. another idea…take a MarriageMoon!

6) everyone is in charge of their own happiness

i found this out the hard way. we cannot rely on any other person to make us happy. we each have to be in charge of our own happiness. if we rely on the other person, they will eventually fall short and we will place the blame on them. everyone needs to rely on themselves to be happy.

7) deal with conflict and then let it go

yes, even healthy couples have disagreements and conflicts. it’s how you handle them that matters. work on your communication skills so you’re able to get across what you need (while doing so respectfully) and then be able to release it once it’s resolved. we do talk about this in our TEDxTalk about the “build-up to blow-up.” don’t let things build up!

8) compromise (yes, you need it)

let’s face it…a relationship consists of two individual people (for the most part) so of course you won’t see eye-to-eye on everything. don’t be so set in your ways that you aren’t willing to give in sometimes and let your spouse have their preference. both people need to be willing to compromise along the way.

9) focus on fair, not equal

this is one of the main things that’s stuck with me since my relationship classes in college. studies show that couples that are happier together both feel like they carry a fair weight in their relationship, as opposed to equal weight.

for instance, my husband generally cooks our dinners and i generally clean up. that feels fair to us. is it equal? no. it’s waaay more effort to cook a whole meal than it is to rinse off some dishes and put it in the dishwasher. equal would mean he cooks one night and i cook the next and so on. that doesn’t work for us (read: i despite cooking and he likes it) so we work to make sure our household/parenting/business work feels fair to both of us.

10) make each other laugh

a 93 year old man by the name of jay once told us, “if you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right!” we remind ourselves of this frequently because it’s so true! marriage should be fun! work should be fun! life should be fun! if you’re not having fun…something needs to change. find ways to make each other laugh and continue to enjoy life together!

on that note, i have something fun to share with you…


ravery and i are holding our full-day marriage workshop in denver on september 8, 2018!!!!!!! we would absolutely love to have you and your spouse attend so check out more details HERE!

we are seriously so excited to be holding this fun and transformative event in our home city! seating is super limited because we found it works best in smaller groups so jump on it or send it to a friend who might benefit! we’d love to hang out with YOU!

how to take good couples pictures ryan and chelsea avery

the website can be found here https://thenewwifestyle.com/divedeeper/

what else have you found to be an indicator of being in a healthy relationship?


  1. Charlene Maugeri

    July 18, 2018 at 4:37 pm

    Oh a live marriage workshop is so exciting! I wish I lived closer to Denver. You know I would be there! Maybe Pearson and I will still be there… We’ll see.

    • chelsea

      August 21, 2018 at 11:11 am

      love it if you could come play!!! and it’s totally a business write-off 🙂 hope you are enjoying that PDX life too!

  2. Cathy Gidley

    July 19, 2018 at 9:48 am

    As someone who has been married 30 years (yikes!), it is super important to stay connected physically. Looks fade, health issues arise, etc etc and the physical intimacy you once shared can go by the wayside. Don’t let it! Protect it. Intimacy can mean a lot of things. A simple touch, cuddling, sitting close to each other, holding hands. We tell each other what we live about the other person daily, including that they look attractive (still). As a woman, I love the validation from my husband and I need his passion. That’s just me. Infidelity is one of the top reasons for divorce. Staying connected emotionally, physically and keeping in mind the tips you shared will make infidelity a non-issue. You don’t need to stray when you have what you need at home.

    • Marilyn Jess

      July 23, 2018 at 3:40 am

      Just love this comment. The blog post was also terrific–if couples followed this, more marriages would last,longer.

      Staying close physically, and real self care keeps love alive. As we age, that closeness takes different forms. Staying your spouse’s girlfriend or boyfriend, and little surprises do a lot. A bit of mystery about one another keeps your love strong, too.

      We met in 1974, married in 1975. You do the math. Soon our anniversary is coming, and I can’t think of a better gift than Chelsea’s wise words, and everyone’s comments.

    • chelsea

      August 21, 2018 at 11:39 am

      you are so right about the connected piece physically, thank you for this cathy! that intimacy part is really important (we found this especially true after atlas was born) so i’m sure 30 years down the line, even more so! thanks for putting this out there <3

  3. Audrey

    July 19, 2018 at 11:30 am

    Girl. I’d be at that workshop in a HEARTBEAT if we were local!
    Great list. I was in an unhealthy relationship before K but fortunately it only lasted a few months. It was tough to get out of, though. Sheesh.
    I feel like prioritizing your marriage and spouse should be a totally obvious one but it’s soooooo not. We’ve have to work on that since the beginning, especially with a business in the mix!
    I love the “fair not equal” and laughing point, too!

  4. Anand Patel

    July 25, 2018 at 11:03 pm

    No relationship is perfect but healthy relationship makes you happy every time. Respect, Trust, and honest communication are very important factors for the healthy relationship. Your article is very helpful. Thanks for sharing such great information with us.

  5. Christina @ Hugs and Lattes

    August 29, 2018 at 8:24 am

    You guys are so fun! Congratulations on your workshop! I think laughter is key to a healthy relationship. Laughter can bring about intimacy in a joyful way! I also think healthy relationships have strong connections – and you need all the things you listed to have a strong connection! Esp mutual respect & prioritizing each other!

    • chelsea

      September 18, 2018 at 1:55 pm

      oh YES laughter is huge huge huge. love that addition! thanks christina 🙂