Wifestyle Profile – “I Met My Husband In A Bar!”

it’s that time again for another “wifestyle profile!” i asked this friend of mine to share her story and both her and her husband value their privacy so she asked to remain nameless. she is insightful, loves adventure and has decided marriage might not be so terrifying after all. read on for her full story!

I am simple person looking for a quiet life. I enjoy being outside gardening, cooking, running, and am dabbling in yoga. I am a former teacher who returned to university to study cell and molecular biology, specifically bioinformatics. I have no plans with what I will do next- but am keeping an open mind and seizing opportunities that pass by.

I met my future husband in a bar. During a honky tonk show he asked me to dance. There you have it. Tinder, Match, and text messages may be more popular venues for first-date seekers, but talking to someone still works. Write that down.

If you are single, you may attend a music show/wedding with an attractive person you may want to date. Asking for a dance demonstrates you have guts, can carry on a conversation for 3 minutes, and can have fun despite the occasional misstep. Being asked to dance was way more appealing than being offered a free drink.

Remember rejection is the first step to finding your true love! The truth is- I shot my fiancé down the first time he asked me to dance. Thankfully he asked a second time, or I would not be writing this blog post.

Fast forward two and a half years. We still dance together, mostly in the kitchen, and are engaged. We are getting married next May with immediate family. We are paying for our wedding and I am in graduate school. Therefore the ceremony will be meaningful, but simple.

Per my request, we will be “marrying ourselves” privately the weekend before. Weather permitting, I want to canoe across our favorite lake and spend the first night as husband and wife camping on the bank.

Clam hunting on “Clam Beach” in AK

I guess I should go back and talk about something in between our first meeting and marriage. I could ramble on, but I’ll stick to the road trip that made me realize I would marry this man.

He bought a used ’98 Ford Escort wagon he saw parked on the side of the road. After fixing it up we decided to drive it to Alaska! Yes. Drive.

It took a long time. We camped for a month.   Showers were a luxury. Tent-sex eventually got gross. The car had no CD player and neither of us owned an ipod. For most of the drive the radio was static. So we talked a lot. We spent a lot of time together: 30 days of constant togetherness. It gave both of us a true sense of who the other person is.

On the road with the Ford Escort wagon

I came out of that experience reassured I wanted to marry this man. We have always spent time together, but discovered on that trip our “love language” is quality time. So, at home we prioritize spending time together. He travels five days a week, and has throughout our relationship. Skype is a big part of our daily lives. We spend about an hour on the phone each day when he travels, and a few hours together each day when he is at home.

We still do our own thing, but over time life has transition to have more “we” than “me.” Each of us still has hobbies and alone time, but we sacrifice for our relationship. Honestly, I have lost some of my autonomy. But I’m okay with that. I used to place a disproportionate amount of my identity on being independent. I think there is a balance- I haven’t quite figured it out yet. But I’m working on it.

There are a lot of things we are “working on” in our relationship. We know we want to move northwest, and have dreams of moving to Alaska. We know we want new jobs, but aren’t sure what those new jobs will look like. We aren’t sure on children.

One thing we can say is that both our families instilled in us a strong sense of permanency associated with marriage. I actually asked my fiancé for his opinions on this blog post and marriage. His response was: “Marriage should last forever. Example set by my parents.” My grandpa told me “The best thing I did in life was marry your grandma.”

I think my grandpa is onto something. The person you marry will inevitably be the person you spend the most amount of time with. My fiancé and I are lucky. We come from homes without divorce: neither from parents or grandparents. In our parents’ marriages quality time was valued and prioritized.

Hiking in Denali National Park

Both my fiancé and myself believe a healthy, lasting marriage is a combination of commitment, choices, and luck. I am not naïve enough to believe that every committed partner stays married. I know a lot of good people who had marriages that didn’t work out.

I hope we follow the pattern laid out by our parents. In five months I will be married. I know everything I can know, at this point, about my fiancé. We have put in the time and the tears to build a solid foundation.

I don’t think I will ever be “ready” to get married, but that is just my personality. However, I am all about taking chances and trying new things. Marriage isn’t so terrifying, if I put it in that context.

I think a lot about how my fiancé and I first met. I wasn’t ready or really looking to meet anyone. But, I’m sure glad I said yes, albeit the second time around, when he asked me to dance. The last two and a half years have been fun as all hell! So I’m taking a chance, and trying out marriage.

Questions:
1) What was the moment when you knew you wanted to marry your partner?
2) Any great advice from your grandparents you care to share?
3) Have you taken a road trip together? How’d it go?