What to do When the Grass Seems Greener?
having my husband home for a week was exactly what my soul needed!
we took lots of walks, lots of naps (or me laying there listening to an audiobook while they slept) and ate lots of good food.
ravery couldn’t believe how much atlas has changed over the course of a month and it’s true – they really do grow up so fast. however, i was unprepared for how quickly the sass would emerge…but karma is real.
we snuck in a date night where i got to drink my very favorite margaritas (#therio).
over dinner, we talked about how when he’s traveling and i’m at home, both of us seem to think the other one is the lucky one. the whole “the grass is greener on the other side.”
he sees me getting to play with atlas, tuck her in, be in our home, work in our office and sleep in our bed. he sees me exploring our garden, spending time with family and friends and loving on our pup.
he doesn’t always see the tantrums, the exhaustion of a whiny toddler, constantly cleaning up, having to cook (i hate cooking) and the hard part of soloparenting. he doesn’t see that by the time she goes to bed, that’s when i finally get to work and it’s exhausting to muster that energy up.
when ravery travels, i see him getting to spend hours upon hours of uninterrupted time working towards his goals. i see him getting to meet interesting people, keynote for cool companies, eat amazing food and never have to clean up after himself (#hotellife). i see his alone time and get envious.
i don’t always see the exhaustion that comes with constant traveling, missing a flight, missing home-cooked meals, missing out on the little things back home or how lonely the road gets. i don’t always remember that even though he loves what he’s doing, it’s still hard.
depending on the time of day, the type of day or how long the day…we are both right.
both scenarios have their pros and cons to them.
as the biebs says (as well as i’m sure someone else before him):
the grass is greener where you water it.
during his month away, we both had to help each other ‘check’ ourselves when we were getting envious of the other person’s situation.
if he were constantly wishing he were home, he would miss out on exploring eight new countries! if i were daydreaming about traveling and being away from home, i’d miss out on our daughter’s development and enjoying the house we worked hard to purchase!
of course, we love it best when we are all together but sometimes that isn’t the case.
remember to focus on the here and now otherwise you’ll constantly be looking for that greener grass!
Audrey
April 4, 2018 at 12:54 pm
Great reminder, Chelsea. It can be hard not to envy the lives of others- even when they’re the ones closest to us and we hear about their good days and bad days! I’m glad you and Mr. WS could talk about it without contempt and squeeze in all that time together before your next grand adventure! Also, LOVE the cabinets in your kitchen!
chelsea
April 10, 2018 at 7:13 pm
you’re right, audrey! it can be even harder when they are the ones closest to us! i’m glad we can talk about it too – helps to not let it build up 🙂
glad you like the cabinets – i need to do something about giving them some moisture but uhhhh i’m playing the new homeowner card so… ha!
Justine
April 4, 2018 at 1:31 pm
I have observed quite a few business partnerships having a long-standing fight over this, I’m glad you’re doing so well with Ravery.
I’m going to say this as my own experience: I always felt… like the part that I was doing for the company was less significant (especially looking at the income it brought) than the other parts, I really had a hard time carving out time for my own practice, promotion, marketing and just plain conceptual work (those moments when you sit down in the morning with a coffee and have a moment or two to get creative with your ideas). My ambition and drive, my need for appreciation really (which is something we all work on 😉 ) got me feling really jealous on some days or feeling like I’ve been unfairly treated. It actually got me branching out or making rash decisions, which was evading the issue.
I feel the issue for me has always been valuing my own work. Valuing my contribution instead of wishing I could contribute in more “creative ways”, make more decisions, have more “goal oriented” time.
That’s on one level, though. When your client portfolio is different, when you feel like you’ve been neglecting your “path”, not contributed 100% because there are only that many hours in the day, the resentment becomes very real.
I vividly remember just itching to be on that stage of that workshop, cause I knew I had my take on the material, I had a thing or 5 to add and it seemed like such a… long time since that happened.
I know this was a serious bone of contention between researchers Masters and Johnson (on whose life there a book and a tv show).
Now, full-disclosure, there is no one cookie cutter solution, I know I’ve seen people manage it in many ways. I know a huge part of what I had to dig into is, to put it simply, my own sabotage tendencies, on top of the way I value my work. It’s a whole other ball game when you step into that arena, have a calendar with workshops and meetings lined up, a book to write, and you need to make some tough decisions.
For what it’s worth I believe there is always something like cooking involved in the mix. I think email get exhausting when you travel, or some days you really miss your own coffee.
chelsea
April 10, 2018 at 7:57 pm
thank you for this great response, justine! i really resonated with what you said about needing to value your own work. i think i struggle with that too, especially when my days consist more work parenting than other ventures. thank you for this note and sharing your heart!
Courtney {Alkeks Abroad}
April 4, 2018 at 2:45 pm
I feel like any stay at home/working parent feels this way at least at some point in time. I always think Travis has it easy because he can go grab lunch or even get a haircut (not that he ever does that) whenever he pleases. But I know that he hates being away from Leighton all day.
chelsea
April 10, 2018 at 7:15 pm
totally know what you mean about the freeeeedom to do as we please when we are the one doing a ton of the day to day parenting. i miss that aspect a lot! it does get tricky but we’ve found that talking about it (and then changing some things since we are able) helps it not fester!
Jennifer Haston
April 4, 2018 at 6:37 pm
Good point!! Very easy to get lost in tunnel vision about each other having “the better end of the deal”
chelsea
April 10, 2018 at 7:16 pm
oh you’re so right about that tunnel vision, jennifer! it’s hard to see past it sometimes for sure!
Emily
April 4, 2018 at 8:34 pm
Once again- parallel lives! Thanks for the reminders. I often forget how lonely and hard it can be to be traveling and hoteling it.
chelsea
April 10, 2018 at 7:21 pm
and now GUSTER?! whaaaat! so amazing! yeah i forget how sad he gets eating alone meal and after and meanwhile i’m like “well…at least your food is hot” #toddlerlife
Lisa
April 5, 2018 at 10:31 am
I always think about this when I start to consider going back to work… being in an office always seems more appealing when my toddlers start losing their minds, but then in the peaceful moments I’m very content to be right where I’m at! It’s hard to keep perspective, for sure.
chelsea
April 10, 2018 at 7:25 pm
haha how right you are, lisa! those annoying office politics sure do look tempting to me too when atlas is melting down or shrieking or i haven’t talked to an adult all day! i’m super happy that you are content right where you are 🙂
Vivien
April 5, 2018 at 1:48 pm
A great reminder about the power of perspective! I think it’s great you have each other to talk about these things and to check up on each other. In my opinion, doing so also keeps me in check about the stuff I am grateful for.
chelsea
April 10, 2018 at 7:27 pm
you are so right, vivien! being able to talk about the whooooole picture helps keep things in perspective for sure. i hope the TEDx coaching is going great!
Penny
April 5, 2018 at 1:53 pm
Great advice. Chelsea you are so wise and put your thoughts out there so well. Thank you for doing this. Even though I am not married and I don’t have kids your wisdom, ideas and suggestions always help me get through my own problems. Love, Aunt P.
chelsea
April 10, 2018 at 7:27 pm
i’m so glad you find a way to relate the topics back into your own life, aunt penny! thank you for reading and commenting 🙂