Married Life Chats Volume XI

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because all mondays need a little humor in them! here are our most recent married life chats, many of which have taken a whole new turn now that i’m with child.

Married Life Chats

him: whoa. are you like really tired?
me: *glare and eyeroll
him: i mean, you look exhausted. it looks like you have been partying for days.
me: you are inspiring a blog post of ‘things not to say to pregnant women.’

*note: yes, i was more tired than i have ever been before. thanks first trimester symptoms!

him: are we going to get things mammogrammed?
me: um, like squish things into the x-ray that checks boobs for cancer?
him: what! no, like the initials thing.
me: monogrammed boo, it’s monogrammed.

sitting at a restaurant along a path filled with people running
me: UGH.
him: what?
me: i hate watching people workout when i’m full. it hurts my stomach.

me: oh man, kids have so much stuff! we totally need a…
(said at the same time we say)
him: chest for toys
me: a house
me: oh. well. those are two very different things.

him: can you help me?
me: i’m growing you a child. what else could i possible help you with?

he is attempting to juggle small tangerines and failing miserably
him: why am i so bad at this!?
me: i don’t know but it’s hilarious!
him:Β mumbles…man, i even used to have a juggling kit…

okay…now it’s your turn! i know you are having hilarious and ridiculous chats in your own life so please share!


  1. Audrey

    March 28, 2016 at 9:04 am

    Hehehe, these are too funny- especially the monogrammed/mammogrammed one!! I mean… they do sound very, very similar πŸ˜€ Haha!!
    Audrey recently posted…The India Archive [2]

    • chelsea

      March 29, 2016 at 9:33 am

      oh man – that one killed me! so so funny!

  2. chelsea jacobs

    March 28, 2016 at 9:13 am

    SO funny! I finally told Chris he MUST stop asking me why I looked so tired. The answer was always that there is a tiny human sucking all of my energy from the inside.
    chelsea jacobs recently posted…Chase it Anyway.

    • chelsea

      March 29, 2016 at 9:37 am

      that is an excellent response chelsea! i will be using that because seriously – the energy suck is real!

  3. Nina @ Hugs and Lattes

    March 28, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    HAHAHA these are probably my favorite so far. I can’t remember if I shared this one in my last comment. But one of my favorite recent ones was:

    Me: You’re being far too sarcastic tonight.
    Him: It’s because I’m constipated. That’s why.
    Nina @ Hugs and Lattes recently posted…10 Signs it is not yet Spring

    • chelsea

      March 29, 2016 at 9:38 am

      hahah you have not shared that one before nina and it’s hilarious!!!! i get that…and hilarious that it makes him quite the sarcastic person ha!

  4. Heather Hawkins

    March 28, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    Nick: I’m gonna take a shower but i need to find…i need to find the thing. My….flat squirrel!
    Me: towel….its a towel. No flat squirrels.

    Nick: i need a useless spoon.
    Me: …what.
    Nick: you know. Not a spoon.
    Me: a fork
    Nick: yep

    • chelsea

      March 29, 2016 at 9:39 am

      haha oh those are some gems heather! ahah “a useless spoon” oh man that’s funny!

  5. Vivien

    March 28, 2016 at 7:56 pm

    Mamogrammed! Heheheheh πŸ™‚
    Vivien recently posted…Why I Almost Vowed to Never Enter a Tall Tales Contest

    • chelsea

      March 29, 2016 at 9:39 am

      that one was probably my favorite vivien! too funny

  6. Elyse

    March 29, 2016 at 2:42 am

    Hahaha I laughed out loud at the mammogram/monogram thing.
    Elyse recently posted…Going β€˜All In’ in 2001

    • chelsea

      March 29, 2016 at 9:40 am

      ha! glad i cleared that one up for him because he could have really made a fool of himself elsewhere HA!

  7. Rachel @ Countdowns and Cupcakes

    March 29, 2016 at 11:48 am

    I can’t get over the juggling kit one! Too funny!
    Rachel @ Countdowns and Cupcakes recently posted…Pepperjack Mac and Cheese

    • chelsea

      March 31, 2016 at 10:50 am

      oh man – i should have recorded a video! i couldn’t catch my breath i was laughing so hard!

  8. Amanda

    March 29, 2016 at 1:52 pm

    hahahaha! OMG “I’m growing a child for you.” that’s the best thing I’ve read all day.
    Amanda recently posted…Blogger Men Tell All – March

    • chelsea

      March 31, 2016 at 10:51 am

      haha glad you liked that one, amanda! not gonna lie – i made myself chuckle when i said it aloud πŸ™‚

  9. Charlene

    March 29, 2016 at 8:12 pm

    haha the mammogrammed thing cracked me up!
    Charlene recently posted…#MaugerisDoCali Recap: LA Day 2

    • chelsea

      March 31, 2016 at 10:52 am

      it was too funny! i was picturing putting all these things into the x-ray machine!

  10. Courtney {Alkeks Abroad}

    March 31, 2016 at 1:42 am

    Hahah the mammogramed was the best!! But seriously I feel like growing a baby should excuse you from having to do any favors and/or housework.
    Courtney {Alkeks Abroad} recently posted…Apartment Hunting in Brisbane

    • chelsea

      March 31, 2016 at 10:53 am

      yeah…i agree and have sort of been following those guidelines haha!