The New Wifestyle Profiles | Elyse
happy friday friends! i am so thrilled to share with you a fellow blogging friend, elyse! she writes a lot on marriage as well and it is a little crazy how many similarities we have (i mean, my middle name used to be ‘elise.’ i know, twinning). she has been fortunate to have many strong women role models in her life and shares excellent insight with us below. elyse has been with her husband since high school but spent 7 years of that long-distance! oh, and she’s canadian so read on and show her some love, eh! (i just couldn’t resist).
My name is Elyse and I blog over at Just Murrayed! I’m so excited to share my story with you today! My husband Andrew and I live in Toronto, Ontario. I’m a legal assistant by day and an avid reader and blogaholic by night. I’m obsessed with Mexican food, the Toronto Blue Jays and true crime shows. Andrew is a tea-drinking, British-TV-show-watching, Ghostbusters fanatic.
Our love story has many twists and turns but I guess that’s to be expected after 14 years together. Buckle up!
Our Love Story
Andrew and I met in Grade 9 while he was at his locker. I went up to him with some weird sense of confidence and introduced myself. We were instant friends and we began dating in Grade 10. But, you see we aren’t your typical high school sweethearts. He’s an army brat so he moved with his family four hours away when we were in Grade 11; just a year after we started dating. We continued to date because we couldn’t imagine not being together. We spent months at a time not seeing each other with only our nightly calls to keep us sane. If only we could have known that it wasn’t just 2 years we’d be apart but 7 years. Yup, to add another layer to our story we decided to not go to the same college so we hopped on trains as much as our wallets would let us and we got reacquainted with each other after spending years apart. After graduating college we moved to Toronto together to pursue our careers.
Almost 13 years after we started dating, we tied the knot in a heartfelt ceremony surrounded by friends and family where my husband and I cried the happiest of tears.
My Marriage Role Models
I grew up surrounded by family. My aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents live all in the same town; some even on the same street. I’ve seen them love, laugh, take care of each other, cry, fight and ALWAYS makeup.
I’m so lucky to have had the BEST marriage role models. My parents have been married 37 years and even more astounding my grandparents were married for almost 60 years. Even my aunts and uncles have been together for double digit years.
My grandmother loves giving me advice on marriage and I love hearing it! Sometimes, the advice is serious like when she said, “When love is easy, remember why you love them. When love is hard, remember why you love them.” and sometimes it’s just downright funny, like when she told me at a cousin’s bridal shower, “Just don’t listen to him.”
The relationships that I saw growing up weren’t perfect but they taught me the most important lesson of all; marriage is ALWAYS worth it.
My “wifestyle” has been literally shaped by all of the strong women in my family. I’ve spent years watching how my mother, grandmother and aunts interact with their spouses.
It’ll get you through the good times but more importantly it’ll get you through the bad times. My aunt was SO right here. If you have someone who you can laugh with your life may not be easier but at least it’ll be much more enjoyable.
Speak Positively About Your Husband
I’ve rarely heard my aunt say a mean or negative thing about my uncle. She builds him up instead of tearing him down.
I am constantly praising my husband in public not because I think he needs constant compliments but it’s just common decency to not speak negatively about someone you love and care for.
Live Your Vows Every Day
My grandmother lived her vows, for better or for worse, in sickness and health and in good times and bad. I saw this as I was growing up but it became so much more real to me this year when my grandfather was in the nursing home dying. She was a beacon of strength for all of us but it really hit home that THIS is what our vows meant.
In the past year my husband and I both lost jobs which was SO hard but instead of tearing us apart, we had our vows as a comfort to keep us strong in our relationship.
It’s easy to love someone when things are going well but promising to love someone when things aren’t perfect is what separates the good and the bad marriages.
Develop Your Identity
My mother met and married my father all before her 21st birthday. That’s a lot of change for someone to go through during a time in one’s life when you are already constantly changing, but somehow she still was herself. She didn’t get lost in her identity as wife. She is many things to this day other than a wife. She’s an entrepreneur, a volunteer, an avid gardener and a grandmother.
Having met my husband when I did, I think it would have been easy to be sucked into his identity but I’ve worked hard in defining myself not as Andrew’s wife but more importantly as a legal assistant, volunteer, friend and aunt.
I’m thankful for the strong women in my life who have shown me that marriage can be an awesome part of your life. Marriage is ALWAYS worth it, not because you NEED someone by your side but it’s more meaningful and enjoyable to share your life with someone.
- What’s the best and worst marriage advice you’ve received?
- Do you have strong women role models for your marriage like I did? How do you think that’s shaped your relationship with your spouse?