When You Flash Back to Your Angsty Teenage Self
i, like most of us, are very different from who we were as teenagers.
this became incredibly apparent as i willingly got out of bed at 5:20am (4:20am portland time) to attend a spin class (cycling) with my mom and sister. the offer of this never would have EVER occurred 10 years ago because my mom knew that it would be a hard “no!” with a ton of teenage angst thrown in on the side.
i’ve never been much of a biker let alone cycler for cardio but the current me said “yes,” pulled my hair back and saddled up.
it was harder than i anticipated, which is partly due to the 5,280 feet altitude change from my sea-level home in oregon and the other part due to my body not being used to this form of exercise. about halfway through the hour long class, the song “i woke up in a car” by something corporate came on and i was suddenly mentally transported back to my 15 year old self.
i was cycling next to the massive mirror and as the lyrics hit my ears, i turned to look at myself all sweaty and so very different than the girl who loved pop-punk 13 years ago.music has that strange effect on me. it’s almost as though i can feel exactly who i was when i first heard that song and again, that 15 year old me would never believe i’d be in a spin class, willingly exercising and hanging out with my mom and sister.
of course i teared up because i’m emotional and that’s okay. plus, it looked like i was just wiping sweat from my face which was also very true.
there is this strange part of me that sometimes misses that overly hormonal, moody, angsty, and angry young girl because that is who i knew so well. the other part of me is sad that i wasted so many years being a punkass.
the majority of me loves who i am and who i am still in the process of becoming but it sure is an interesting feeling to reflect on who we used to be. it’s a good reminder that if we don’t like parts about who we are, we have the ability to change.
it’s not easy, sometimes it’s sweaty and often times includes apologizing but it’s worth it.
i have some more gems coming up in the next post of stories told, old photos found and adventuring through the extraordinarily green colorado.
how different are you from your teenage self?