The New Wifestyle Profiles | Jennifer’s Marriage

hello from china! i am pleased to present another ‘wifetyle profile’ and this time jennifer is sharing with us. she is a strong woman who doesn’t need someone to rescue her but appreciates having her husband there to catch her if she falls and they met at karaoke! let’s show her some love in the comments section and thanks for sharing your story with us!

I am a 37 year old woman who is actively seeking opportunities to help people follow their dreams. It is a lofty goal but I have always aimed high. I am a personal coach and a motivational speaker. I am a singer, actor and director. I am opinionated and passionate and have no patience for people who settle for less than the best of what life has to offer. 

It is my hope to inspire at least one person per day to stretch beyond their comfort zone.

My goal is to inspire millions to do that, but one step at a time. 

Growing up, I had five failed marriages and one successful one to look at as a model so I turned to movies to fuel my thoughts and feelings about what “marriage” looked like. As you might imagine, it took me a while to match up reality to my expectations and I spent a lot of time learning what was fantasy and what was real.

My love Jeremy and I met at a karaoke bar, he was the host and we were introduced in October of 2008—hard to believe we have been together six years now. He serenaded me during his songs and it appealed to me that he was paying me so much attention and thought he was cute but I was totally uninterested in dating. After a few weeks of getting to know him, he brought flowers for all the women in the bar (could have been creepy for someone else but with the movie mentality I have, I thought oh, that is sweet) and he gave me two, which I thought was nice but did not take it as anything but “host” behavior. When you are a host/hostess, it’s your job to make everyone like you or want to be you.

There was some urging from others that “he likes you” and on a total whim, I asked him out. As a very assertive woman, I tend to be more old-fashioned, preferring to be pursued or courted when it comes to dating but in this case, I am glad I did because it turns out he had zero interest in dating me, until I asked. We went to Denny’s and because of a series of dates-that-were-not-dates-but-I-didn’t-know-that-at-the-time-which-led-to-heartbreak-later I wanted to be SURE this was a date so I asked, “is this a date?” he said, “it’s Denny’s at 2am so I don’t think you can call it a date.” I said “okay, let’s call it a datelet” (I am fond of making up words ) so best that he know this about me now.

He was allergic to cats, he was a smoker and he was a waiter! This is the part where I point out that I was a snob and horribly judgmental. Thank goodness I liked him and waited to find out more because he turned out to be the love of my life. I want to address that here because it’s easy to look back and say, “oh yeah, it was love at first sight!” but it was not.

I wasn’t even sure if I liked him and then he asked me out for a real date which was pretty great, I have a person in my life that I call and ask for advice when I don’t know what to do and she said, “Begin as you mean to continue” (the Life advice I swear by). She said to just go out with him and see if I like going out with him and go out with him again, and if I like that go out again. Don’t put any expectations on it, just have fun! This turned out to be pretty great advice.

In true movie fashion, the first time we said I love you was when it snowed in Texas. I had been wanting to say it for a few days but kept looking for the “perfect time” and then one night at his karaoke show, it snowed, he took me outside the bar and said, “it’s our first snow, babydoll” and I knew instinctively there would be no better chance than this to say it and I did and he said it back and it just felt so right and pretty much from that point it was fate -that we were “meant to be.”

He proposed when we were together for eight months and we spent a year and a half saving and planning the wedding of my dreams including getting a friend to take our “engagement pictures.”

This picture is near to my heart because I think it illustrates our relationship beautifully. He is the stalwart and ready to catch me if I fall, but in no way is he there to RESCUE me. I am perfectly capable of standing strong as a woman and I CHOOSE to have a partner as my equal.

We really struggled with how to best handle the finances since we both had debt and didn’t want to go into any more to get married and heard that money fights and money problems (nod to Dave Ramsey) were the #1 reason that people get divorced. It had taken me more than 20 years to find my Prince Charming so that was NOT going to happen to us. It took a lot of discussion, negotiation and compromise and lots of very generous friends who I am lucky to call my family of choice, to get here.

We are very different in the sense that he is staunchly conservative in his politics and I am far more liberal but we agree to disagree when it comes to politics. We both have an incredible work ethic and are not afraid to work or struggle to reach a goal. We communicate very well but even six years later it is still a struggle to navigate that communication and I think that still surprises me. We have a good marriage but we both work hard at it and actively invest (read books, read blogs and listen to other successfully married people) for how to best protect our marriage from harm and to strengthen it for years to come.

Three years married, here we are doing what we do best, being silly. His first 5K and my fourth!

Questions:
1) Do you and your partner have a date night? (you should!)
2) When you and your partner disagree what does it look like?
3) Do you have mutual goals and separate goals?