The New Wifestyle Profile | Sara

happy wednesday! we have a sick babe (which is so terrifying and anxiety provoking) but thankfully she is on the mend. my brain cells are currently being all used up for my coaching clients, taxes and nursing a baby back to health. thankfully sara is here from mrs. imperfect sharing insight into her new wifestyle! curious about how those online romances turn out? she will fill you in!

Hi New Wifestyle readers! I’m Sara and I blog at Mrs. Imperfect about letting go of perfect and embracing your quirks and messes. I write about marriage, self love, and mental health. I have been married to my husband Tom for just over a year and we call West Philadelphia home (cue Fresh Prince jokes).

I am a writer, book lover, traveler and crafter, with an interest in the arts, history, and psychology. Some of my favorite things are pizza, ice cream, cuddling with my husband, and nerding out by reading memoirs and watching British tv shows.

Our Story

My husband and I are an eHarmony success story. After a lot of dates that went nowhere on both of our parts, I came across his profile and was impressed by how articulate he was and the fact that he had just gotten back from a trip to Iceland. After messaging back and forth for a week, we spoke on the phone, and then set up our first date.

I knew after the second date that he was something special. There was something comfortable and relaxed about our interactions. I knew by his choice of date activities that not only did we have similar interests, but that we both loved learning about and exploring new things. We ended up at this bizarre puppet show that we kept up a witty commentary on in whispers, showing how similar our senses of humor were and how easily he could make me laugh.

Over the next few months our relationship grew stronger as we experienced each other’s favorite activities, talked for hours on end, spent time with family and friends, and traveled together. It progressed faster than either one of us expected, but after experiencing relationships that were definitely not right we knew that this one was. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. About eight months after we first met, Tom proposed, and we got married five months later, the day after my 30th birthday.

My Wifestyle

Marital Roles

I grew up in a conservative Christian household and church that embraced the traditional value of wives submitting to their husbands, but that’s not what my marriage looks like. As a feminist, I believe in mutual submission and in marriage as an equal partnership.

My husband and I share the duties of taking care of our house. I do the cooking and most of the cleaning not because it’s the wife’s “role,” but because I have more time to dedicate to it currently. I enjoying cooking and baking, so it makes sense that this is something that I have charge of in our household. Now, cleaning definitely is not something I enjoy doing, but it’s something that I have a greater aptitude in then my husband (sorry babe). Playing to our individual strengths has been an important part of our marriage partnership.

Learning to Manage Stress

The first year of marriage was challenging for us, especially in regards to the effect of outside stressors on our relationship. It was really hard to not let challenges at work, with family, and in our church affect how we related to each other when it was just the two of us.

We have found that it is really important to take time to relax and enjoy time together by planning intentional date nights. This can get our mind off everything that is going on and allows us to have fun together doing things that we love.

Creating a nightly wind-down routine has been a way to make sure that our needs for physical touch and meaningful conversation are met everyday, even if all we did was crash and watch Netflix earlier. Spending time cuddling, looking into each other’s eyes, and checking in verbally is a way for us show each other love and let some of the crap from the day go.

Importance of Individuality

I will admit that one area I haven’t done very well in the last year is making sure my own needs are taken care of. It is easy as a newlywed to get stuck in the love bubble and simply do everything together all the time and let some of your own interests fall to the wayside.

This year I am trying to be more intentional about having “me” time and indulging in my own hobbies without my husband. I will be chronicling my journey of focusing on better self care on my blog this year. I think it has already resulted in me being a lot happier and as a result, being a better wife to my husband.

Questions

1. How do you manage stress in your marriage?
2. How do you maintain your individuality and take care of yourself in your marriage?

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