Why You Need to Schedule a “Love Day”
the relationship between me and my husband has admittedly changed quite a bit over the past year. we’ve gone into business together, both full-time. while there are many great things about this, it can also be more challenging to carve out time just for the two of us and not have our business constantly feel like the third wheel on our dates and time together.
even though we often work together every day, we usually have different meetings with clients and an assortment of projects we work on from developing workshops, keynotes and our individual blogs. we make it a point to eat lunch and dinner together (away from our computers) whenever we are both at home but sometimes i want more than just 27 minutes of watching each other eat and then get back at it.
starting a business also means we are almost always working on the weekends so we no longer have that traditional “YAY! it’s the customary two days off between drudging through that 9-5 again next week!” sometimes i miss those built-in ‘days off’ but i remember all the pros even if that’s a con (like waking up when i want, working out when i want, spending my time how i want…basically doing what i want)!
my husband is really good at being fully present in whatever he’s doing. if are both working, he’s fully focused on that and not on facebook (like i am) or if we are spending time together, he’s very focused on that and not what has to get done for the business (like i am).
i am less good at this because in the back of mind, i’m anticipating what else needs to get done when we get back to work. we talked about how we are structured differently and came up with a solution:
scheduling a “love day!”
a “love day”: a day of love and togetherness (and eatingness), if you will. we did this for the first time this past sunday and it was marvelous. we literally scheduled it in our calendar so neither of us would book anything on that day.
100% charged and ready for “love day!”
“love day” started bright and early because now we have a dog that is all sorts of demanding and has to go out because she’s been holding it for 9 hours or something.
by scheduling this day to fully focus on each other and not our business or planning for our trip to china, it allowed me to work even harder on saturday (with less time on facebook) because i knew that the next day, i would fully get to focus my mind on being with my husband and relaxing.
the day started off with breakfast burritos from qdoba because nothing kicks off a “love day” off better than eggs and potatoes smothered in queso. who doesn’t want to be smothered in queso and love?
we spent the rest of the gorgeous, 74 degree day strolling around portland, playing cards and watching our stories (aka catching up on ‘the mindy project’ and ‘modern family.’ talk of business came up organically a few times because hellllllo, you can’t just magically shut off your professional life and your personally life but we gently reminded our selves that all that could be discussed the following day.
we didn’t get together with friends (even turning brunch down!), we didn’t check email, we didn’t text people and stayed off social media for the most part. it was a day dedicated to rekindling our love and appreciating each other as partners.
our life and our relationship looks very different than it did a year ago (actually a year ago we were on the road on a 50 city speaking tour). heck, it looks different than it did three months ago!
it’s important to remember that our lives, our love and relationship will constantly be changing and evolving. that is part of growth and a part of life. what’s vital is that you and your spouse take the time to realize this and figure out what works to get your needs met.
i know i already shared this photo…but this was happening on love day and it makes me gum-smile (that’s when you can see my gums because i’m smiling so big). part of the smile is that it’s rained almost 2 inches of rain in the past 24 hours (that’s a ton) so i appreciate looking at that glorious sun and our happiness we basked in.
maybe you have a love day every sunday or once a month, but take the time to schedule time just with your spouse and no other distractions. it will do wonders for yourself, your marriage and your love.
questions:
1) how frequently do you set a chunk of time just to spend with your spouse?
2) what activities do you both do together to feel connected and have fun?
3) i nerdily love keeping tabs on the weather. what’s it doing in your neck of the woods?
Pebby Garner
October 23, 2014 at 9:55 am
Chelsea, I love how you and Ryan are making time for each other away from the business responsibilities and other distractions. So much of our time now days is spent on social media, watching TV and other things that we forget about the people in our lives. Whenever you and Ryan feel like you are drifting apart, schedule a “love day”. Whenever you and Ryan fight, schedule a love day. Most of the time we grow apart because we don’t spend time with each other. We forget why we fell in love in the first place.
The weather here in Texas can’t make up its mind yet. It is finally starting to cool down (meaning it’s closer to the 80’s instead of the 90’s to 100+). We still need rain.
chelsea
October 23, 2014 at 2:14 pm
thanks pebby! sometimes you absolutely have to be intentional about it. love your other suggestions of if we argue or are drifting, to schedule a “love day.”
sending some of this crazy rain your way! we just heard thunder and saw lightening which is super rare for oregon! hang in there with the heat and thanks for your comment
Amanda Wood
October 23, 2014 at 12:52 pm
My hubs and I try to set aside some time each week where we disconnect and just spend time together. This usually involves going out to eat and then strolling through the grocery store planning our meals for the week. We don’t check social media, we don’t text anyone, we just focus on each other.
Amanda Wood recently posted…A Book Review… or Two
chelsea
October 23, 2014 at 2:15 pm
i’m so glad to hear you and your husband set time apart just for each other, amanda! don’t you both feel so much better afterwards? that’s a great idea to sit down and plan your meals for the week. maybe we should do that…
Lindsay @ The Newlywed Notebook
October 23, 2014 at 2:23 pm
What an AWESOME idea! With having my own blog and business, I totally fall into that trap of not having good work vs. home hours. I will have to set up one of these with the hubby – he will be so excited! 🙂
Lindsay @ The Newlywed Notebook recently posted…Free PSL’s for the Rest of the 2014!
chelsea
October 23, 2014 at 3:31 pm
yes, you totally get how tricky it can be to no longer have those tradition hours, lindsay! it’s tough. this has really helped us and i hope it helps you and the hubby too!
Rachel G
October 23, 2014 at 3:35 pm
These are definitely needed! Angel and I go to work together now, but we have to make sure to plan “having fun together” times, too! And I think it’s supposed to be in the low 80s today, we’ve got some rain blowing in.
Rachel G recently posted…To Women Who Don’t Date
chelsea
October 24, 2014 at 9:29 am
glad you and angel make time to plan “having fun together” time because it does look different than working together (even if that’s fun too). 80s sound quite nice and i’m familiar with that dang rain!
Jennif
October 24, 2014 at 4:47 am
Chelsea, I love this post! One of the first things I ever read about you two was the 4 questions and it really inspired me to look around for the ways to be “intentional about our marriage”- If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it is okay to a point but I don’t want to be not broken, I want our marriage to be wonderful and it is, but we work at it like you two do. I love the idea of a “love day” – Jeremy often says, I love that you are always looking for ways for us to be closer and share time that has nothing to do with the rest of our lives. I often say, Relationships are like a tightly woven rug that comprise several threads. – Friendship, lover, roommate, partner, friend, — the idea is to be respectful to each thread so the rug stays strong!
Jennif recently posted…A Clean Slate
chelsea
October 24, 2014 at 9:31 am
thanks for the kind words, jennifer and i’m happy to hear you are searching for ways to be intentional about your marriage. it can be all too easy to get comfortable and just go with the flow (which isn’t always bad) but we do need to spend that intentional time together. i like your analogy of a woven rug-all too true!
Kym
October 24, 2014 at 6:07 am
This is such a lovely idea! My husband and I have been living apart since July (not in THAT way – he’s been working five hours north of me since July while I’ve been in my hometown helping out my family) … I’m finally moving to NY in January and can’t wait to connect with one another in this way 🙂 xoxo
Kym recently posted…Breaking The Silence.
chelsea
October 24, 2014 at 9:28 am
wow kym, that would definitely be hard to be away from each other for all these months! glad to hear you’ll be moving to NY in january and sounds like you need to schedule a few ‘love days’ in a row to catch up! good luck with move 🙂
Danielle (@TheLifestylePrj)
October 24, 2014 at 1:33 pm
When my husband and I are living together (ugh long distance) we’re pretty good about ignoring the outside world and just doing our thing. On the weekdays, it’s usually up to 2 hours for just ‘us time’ in the evenings which is so necessary for us to reconnect after spending the day apart. I can totally see how tempting it would be to discuss business ideas as they popped into your heads since your work life is intertwined but I think it’s great how you set aside time for just LOVE – no friends, no email, just doing you. Also, I think your smile looks beautiful in that last pic – no need to feel self-conscious about the gum thing at all!
Danielle (@TheLifestylePrj) recently posted…My Dream Vacation + $200 Cash Giveaway
chelsea
October 26, 2014 at 5:04 pm
ohhh long distance is tough, danielle! so glad you make that time for just the two of you-that’s great you can connect that way. thanks for the compliment as well-it’s my deepest and happiest smile 🙂 hopefully you get another love day soon!
Faith
June 8, 2015 at 11:08 am
Soooo …. I LOVE this idea. I’m so so bad at not focusing on the moment when I’m with LG. I’m thinking I’m going to schedule a love day sometime soon. Maybe once a week or at least every other week. I told him recently that I would like to have dates where are phones are not present .. at ALL! 🙂
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chelsea
June 8, 2015 at 7:14 pm
yay! so glad you like this faith 🙂 i know what you mean about often feeling focused on other things and this really helps with that because you almost give yourself ‘permission’ to ignore all the other things you have to do! good call with the phones too! they are such sneaky things that make us feel like we NEED them.