Meghan Trainor’s New Video is NOT Actually a Win for Women or Marriage
there’s a new song out called “dear future husband” and it’s SUPER catchy. however, meghan trainor’s new video is NOT actually a win for women or marriage. at first i was excited because not only did it make we want to do a little dance and snap my fingers, she has a line in there:
“you got that 9 to 5 / but, baby, so do i / so don’t be thinking i’ll be home and baking apple pies / i never learned to cook”
and i thought…oh that’s me! i never really learned to cook either. my husband and i both work (since we don’t have any kids) and he actually likes to cook so he does most of it. how relatable!
she also goes on to sing that
“dear future husband / you better love me right.”
i’m all about mutual love and respect so that should be happening and we should be loving our spouses right.
that’s where it stops and the entire rest of the song AND music video completely play into old stereotypes of what it means to be a woman and wife and i am not into it. #oldwifestyle.
sure, we can see this as a cute pop song and not read that much into it, but then we are just being ignorant. girls and women are watching and listening to this and it’s perpetuating unhealthy behavior in relationships as well as ridiculous and sexist stereotypes.
here’s the video
the video’s main scenes of her are on a bed, scrubbing the floor and cooking in the kitchen. this is such an outdated view of ‘roles wives should have’ that it was disheartening to see.
do i clean the floors? every three to six months yes…am i in a sexy outfit and heels? hell to the no. do i attempt to cook every once in a while? sure. but do we really need to see these same outdated roles of women being perpetuated by a popstar who is 21? no. i would rather see her hiking, going after her career, painting, writing a book or embracing that she enjoys the art of cooking.
let’s also not forget the guy in the video she deems a ‘failure’ for not being strong enough to hit the bell at the carnival. this perpetuates sexism for men because it implies in order to be a good husband, you must have a specific and significant amount of physical strength.
now let’s look at the lyrics because words matter and we should be aware of what we are consuming.
“take me on a date / i deserve it, babe / and don’t forget the flowers every anniversary / ‘cause if you’ll treat me right / i’ll be the perfect wife / buying groceries/buy-buying what you need,”
i’m all about the need to continue dating even after you’re married and i can even get behind her wanting flowers every anniversary as long as she’s shared that those are important to her. expectations around holidays and gifts are important things to be discussed.
what makes me cringe is her following that line that if her future husband does get her those flowers every anniversary, she will be the “perfect wife,” which apparently entails buying groceries. if that’s all it took to be a perfect wife then i’ve got that on lockdown, hard. i’m freaking great at grocery shopping! you should see my savings, the healthy choices i make, how i don’t cut anyone in line. now i know this is making me the perfect wife (read: sarcasm).
“dear future husband / if you wanna get that special lovin’ / tell me i’m beautiful each and every night”
of course we want our spouses to find us attractive and tell us we are beautiful, that makes us feel good. however, this says that if you don’t tell me i’m beautiful each and ever night, i will withhold sex from you. sex should not ever be used as a bargaining chip in any relationship. that isn’t healthy. sex should be part of intimacy and closeness and should not be dependent on if you tell me i’m beautiful but rather how we are each feeling sexually.
another point to consider, you know what makes me feel even sexier and more confident about myself than when my husband tells me i’m beautiful? when he tells me he thinks i’m funny. when he tells me he thinks i’m smart and intelligent. when he tells me that he wants to help support my big dreams and goals. of course i smile and feel great when he says i’m pretty, but there is so much more to me (and to you) than just our looks.
“after every fight / just apologize / and maybe then i’ll let you try and rock my body right / even if i was wrong / you know i’m never wrong / why disagree?”
couples fight. we argue and that’s just part of being in a relationship. there are two people who are living under the same roof who have different thoughts, opinions and world views. again she brings up the reward system of if he just apologies, then maybe she’ll have sex with him. i would never want my husband just to apologize because that’s how i’ve ‘trained’ him and i never want to be the kind of wife that can’t apologize when i know i’m in the wrong. that’s not a healthy marriage and it’s not my job to be right in every situation.
“and know we’ll never see your family more than mine”
just because you get married doesn’t suddenly mean his family no longer exists. i happen to love my in-laws as well as my parents and if my husband ever said “we’ll never see your family more than mine” i would be heart broken. maybe this is about equal time between parents but when i first heard it it seemed like she would be spending more time with her family?
“i’ll be sleeping on the left side of the bed / open doors for me and you might get some… kisses”
ahhh again with the equation of “if you do X…i will give you Y” it’s also not a man’s role to open every door for me. sure, it’s nice and i happen to be married to a southern gentlemen so he often insists on it, but i don’t expect it nor is it an ultimatum for giving him “kisses” (if you listen to the song, you would expect her to say head instead of kisses).
i don’t think she’s being ironic, i don’t think it’s satire and i don’t think this is a joke. i do still think we have a long ways to go in terms of how we view ourselves as women, what we readily consume as media and how to create a loving and respectful partnership in marriage.
also, read about how my friend amanda felt about meghan trainor’s biggest hit “all about that bass” and how it isn’t all that positive, especially towards those ‘skinny b*tches.‘
what are your thoughts on this song?
Audrey
March 23, 2015 at 10:24 am
Twinning. We had 100% the same reaction to this song 🙁 I heard it and was like, “Oooh, this is catchy!” And the line about having the 9-to-5 was great!… but then the rest of the song happened… plus the video.
What were to happen if a man made this same song/video? “Dear Future Wife, If you make me dinner and do my laundry and give me sex MAYBE I’ll buy you some new lipstick or a bouquet of flowers.”
Nope nope nope-ity nope.
Audrey recently posted…Things I Thought Would be More Fun as an Adult
chelsea
March 23, 2015 at 12:46 pm
ohhh it’s SO catchy audrey and good point on flipping perspectives too if a man sang it. i hadn’t thought of that but you’re totally right. and nopeity nope nope indeed!
Amanda
March 23, 2015 at 10:25 am
Oh look at that, once again Meghan Trainor is contradictory and disappointing. I have so much beef with this girl I can’t even stand her anymore. I turn the radio every time I hear her voice. I try not to read into things too much, but sometimes, it’s impossible to ignore, and for someone who proclaims to be something but is another, it really grates my nerves.
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chelsea
March 23, 2015 at 12:50 pm
ugggguggggh isn’t that the truth, amanda! i turn the radio every time i hear her too which sucks because i bet she’s a nice enough person but when you have a public persona, i do feel like you have a responsibility to use it wisely.
Shelby
March 23, 2015 at 11:00 am
Thank youu! This song makes me want to dance, and in typical Meghan Trainor fashion is SO catchy, but her messages — they’re traditional, potentially damaging messages, wrapped in the possibility of modern roles packaging. I was just talking to my husband last night about the kind of respect she is asking for, and the kind of respect that should be happening in marriage. She is asking for respect in a “protect me, do for me, be the “man” and I’ll be a “woman”” respect, instead of the respect that should be happening. A respect that says you are 50% of this relationship, and I respect your voice and opinion, and what you have to say about everything that affects us.
I would love to say “I know it’s bad but I’m doing to keep listening to it because it’s just a song.” But it’s another Blurred lines situation, where it’s not acceptable to just keep listening for a catchy tune.
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chelsea
March 23, 2015 at 12:53 pm
i totally want to dance to it too, shelby-dang those catchy notes! you’re right that it would be easy to cast things aside and just listen to it anyways because ‘it’s just as song’ isn’t going to cut it! i’m glad you and your husband were talking about it! love what you said about respecting being about respecting opinions/voice/relationship and not about those old school gender roles of protection vs. providing!
Paula Howley
March 23, 2015 at 12:26 pm
I gotta tell ya Chels- I’m not a Megan Trainor fan because she gets a lot of shit wrong.
All about that bass has bugged me from the get go. People were all “Oh! This is such a great song because it’s about how you don’t have to be a beanpole to be beautiful!”
But that’s not what it’s about at all. It’s about MEN and their preferences! WTF!!!????
Boys like a little more booty to hold at night….
So, our bodies shouldn’t be about being strong, being able to kick a soccer ball across a field, lifting an anvil for your welding job, picking up two crying 3 year old twins simultaneously because STRONG helps us in LIFE- they should be about being sexy for me. Jesus, I’m getting tired of this.
I took my daughter to TED-x Kids BC in November last year and they had this young very talented band singing this song and my daughter looked at me and said “I like this song mum but it’s kind of inappropriate, isn’t it?”
I was pretty furious actually because a lot of the kids were 8-12 and REALLY, is this the message I want my daughter to have? Hell no!
I actually went to the director of the event and said something but he thought he was all ENLIGHTNED because he thought the message was about embracing all body types (forgetting the “skinny bitch” line of course). I was pretty upset that he missed the point.
It looks like Meaghan Trainor too, has once again missed the point.
Paula Howley recently posted…Head Start Public Speaking For Kids- Persuasion! Week 20 (and Paula’s parents stop by!)
chelsea
March 23, 2015 at 12:56 pm
ohhh check out this article paula from my friend/blogger amanda (who also commented above) about her take on being “the skinny bitch” in “all about the bass” it’s really insightful from the other side of the body size spectrum.
http://www.amandamoments.com/2014/10/im-one-skinny-btches/
i am SO glad you spoke up to the event director but he sounds like a food for not getting it. grrrr. way to be raising a smart daughter who can acknowledge those feelings of liking something but finding it inappropriate. she’s brilliant 🙂
Emma Lincoln
March 23, 2015 at 12:37 pm
Yes yes yes yes! Couldn’t agree more with your post, and with the other comments. I’m so done with the whole “feminism is cute and sassy” movement which is just another form of sexism…IMO feminism is about genuinely caring about both genders and wanting everyone to have respect and the ability to be themselves.
And I love your point about the emphasis on male machismo. The older I get, the more I see men being typecast and struggling with how to be gentle, soft and emotional while still feeling “male.”
Emma Lincoln recently posted…Life’s Not Fair. Stop Counting Fries.
chelsea
March 23, 2015 at 1:00 pm
totally! love your definition of what feminism is because i agree. both genders wanting respect, ability to be themselves and i’d add equity and boooom.
it’s also sad to see how males are being portrayed more and more to have to be a certain way too. oh media…you complex and crappy beast.
Vivien
March 23, 2015 at 1:04 pm
I have not heard her new song yet. I would say undoubtedly the song itself is catchy (as I dare to think most songs by her are), but reading through her lyrics I would have to agree with what you laid out.
The only thing I feel differently on is the line “know we’ll never see your family more than mine.” This comes from my personal past experience where we (as a couple) spent WAYY more time visiting and having dinner with his family than mine and he never gave a second thought about it, didn’t seem to think anything was wrong or needed to change.
So I think that’s the one thing nowadays I vow “never again”. I want to be able to love his parents like my own and vice versa. Just from my personal perspective (maybe I’m reading that wrong) that line says to me that not one family is more important than the other, we’re going to see them both equally.
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chelsea
March 23, 2015 at 2:23 pm
ah i totally think i misinterpreted that line wrong, vivien! good catch. i read it as her saying that she’d never see his family more than hers because they’d be with her family more. i totally agree with what you’re saying because both families are equal! thanks for your thoughts and be careful…it’s a dang catchy song 🙂
Heather Hawkins
March 23, 2015 at 3:23 pm
I’ve never really liked her. Her music isn’t my style, but that’s no bother. But she seems like an angry young woman who isn’t actually sure what she stands for. Her previous sing made people think it was okay to dislike me (and let me know about it) because I work really hard to maintain a healthy body. So,I know I hold resentment for that, too. I would never walk up to someone and tell them that skinny is better. Or make comments about others food intake.
chelsea
March 23, 2015 at 5:52 pm
sooo true heather! check out this post by my friend amanda who is self-identified as one of those ‘skinny bitches’ that she shames in her song: http://www.amandamoments.com/2014/10/im-one-skinny-btches/
it’s sad that we still judge people so much by appearance and then it gets turned into catchy songs. thanks for your thoughts.
Courtney! @ Redefining Athlete
March 23, 2015 at 4:30 pm
I watched this video the other day and I actually thought about you. This song isn’t as bad as the Maroon-5-song-that-shall-not-be-named, but its stupidity irks me. ESPECIALLY that scene with the carnival game!
Thankfully I don’t see it being as popular as her other songs.. and is she really just 21?! Dang.
Courtney! @ Redefining Athlete recently posted…Mrs. Robinson’s Romp Trail 10k: Race Recap!
chelsea
March 23, 2015 at 5:54 pm
thank goodness this song isn’t as horrible as the “song-that-shall-not-be-named” (HA!) by maroon 5. it’s just sad because with a few line changes in the song, it could be really great and empowering while still super catchy.
it’s hard to believe she’s 21, isn’t it!?
Rachel G
March 23, 2015 at 7:05 pm
It sounds like she’s obviously not married, given the ‘future husband’ title. When I was in beauty school, it broke my heart to be confronted with the reality of how young women who are much more into the pop culture scene really view marriage. At the time, I was 21, and had been married 2 years. I got a lot of questions like, “Do you regret that you got married?” and “Is your husband, like, super jealous because he’s Mexican?” (it wasn’t just ignorance of healthy marital roles that was going on there). I don’t really care too much about pop music–I don’t ever listen to it on purpose, but I do believe it’s really important, especially for young women, to have peers who can portray and discuss healthy marriage relationships and ideas about men in general. While I was there, I made sure that whenever I got questions I answered them openly and honestly–marriage itself isn’t what’s great, but marriage between two partners who respect each other can be incredibly awesome–and I seek to be an example and a resource of that to people who would otherwise only be getting info from sources like this song.
Rachel G recently posted…Half a Decade
chelsea
March 24, 2015 at 3:57 pm
that is appalling that you were asked those type of questions, rachel! it’s so sad to hear that people were just assuming you ‘already’ regretted getting married or saying racist crap having to do with your husband’s ethnicity. humans confuse me a lot of the time.
absolutely agree with you that young women need to have peers that are living examples of healthy relationships. sounds like those women were lucky to be around you and that you had the patience to educate them honestly while living your words. thanks for your comment and please continue to be that example 🙂
Melissa Camacho
March 24, 2015 at 5:44 am
I’ve never heard this song before today. hi I’m Melissa & apparently I live under a rock. I agree with you though. it’s catchy but highly inappropriate.
Melissa Camacho recently posted…Why I’m Ditching the Scale
chelsea
March 24, 2015 at 3:58 pm
ha don’t worry it just came out last week so i’m sure you’ll hear it 930284x on the radio before too long, melissa! yeah…mostly just makes me sad because it could be awesome song!
Ashley Servis @ Keeping Up With Ashley and Cody
March 24, 2015 at 6:40 am
The song is very catchy and the lyrics are there for the most part, but yes the video is not what I would have wanted. Thanks for sharing!
Ashley Servis @ Keeping Up With Ashley and Cody recently posted…Meet the Blogging Community Vol 2
chelsea
March 24, 2015 at 3:58 pm
yeah i just can’t get behind it, ashley! thanks for reading and for your comment!
Local Adventurer
March 26, 2015 at 4:33 pm
i liked the song. it’s so catchy.. but i guess i never really paid attention to the lyrics. 🙂 and i rarely watch music videos these days. i definitely cannot see myself as a cookie cutter wife of the 60s.. and roles have changed so much since then. I don’t know that I take offense to it though bc i have met so many strong women who totally don’t mind taking on that role even though it’s not me.
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chelsea
March 27, 2015 at 11:14 am
thanks for your comment! agreed that thankfully the roles have changed a lot since the cookie cutter wife of the 1960s. i think i just struggle with this portrayal of this because it’s such an outdated and not such a positive thing to keep suggesting this is what wives should be like. it’s totally different thing if a woman/wife chooses to do all these, but i feel like meghan is just perpetuating the expectation of how ‘we’ should be.
Amanda Wood
March 27, 2015 at 4:55 pm
I hate that all her songs are so catchy. That makes them go mainstream even faster and that means this misconstrued and old fashioned view of how marriage is supposed to be like get thrust upon all the young women out there. UGH.
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chelsea
March 30, 2015 at 8:20 am
i feel you amanda! it just drives me even more insane when i think about what she could be saying or portraying and she would be so much more positively influential!