married AND still an individual. whoa.
don’t get me wrong, i love my husband deeply- love our partnership, love being with him and holding his hand, love kissing his luscious lips and love laughing until one of us almost pees (if it’s less than a tablespoon-it doesn’t count as peeing your pants FYI) however, i have no desire to do everything together.
recently, i enjoyed a large block of “me time” while my husband finally made one of his life long dreams come true: getting scuba certified (you can read about his years of planning/saving here on his blog). i have had multiple people say “oh, why aren’t you getting certified with him?” or “wow, that’s interesting you aren’t both doing that” or “it would probably be a more enjoyable hobby if you both did it.” here’s why: BECAUSE I DON’T WANT ALL THOSE THINGS ON MY FACE /BODY AND THEN HAVE TO DEPEND ON A LIMITED AIR SUPPLY. or be eaten by a shark. most importantly…i’m still my own person, with my very own interests and disinterests. yes, even with this pretty ring on my finger and committing my life to this one person, i have zero interest in scuba diving (it takes me a little while to even stop freaking out for snorkeling).
here’s the thing: just because you get married or are in a committed relationship does not mean you must (or should) suddenly want to participate in every single thing the other person does. even though i can be grossly infatuated with my tall and lanky, handsome husband, i am a woman with my own passions, hobbies and goals and not all of those revolve around him or even “us.”
that being said, if you are going to be in it for the long haul, it’s probably wise to share a few commonalities and hobbies so you can enjoy doing things together. i firmly believe in order to keep a strong marriage alive-you must also remain individuals.
this concept actually did take some time for my husband to come to terms with and he did spend quite some time convincing me to get scuba certified with him. his main concern was that he would be experiencing all these amazing things without “the most beautiful, smartest, most well-written and funniest person” by his side (i’m pretty sure those were his exact words). what i spent time expressing was that even though i have no interest in being submerged under 60 feet of water while weird things contemplate puncturing my oxygen tank (which would be already dwindling thanks for my labored breathing due to anxiety) or biting off my fingers…i would gladly (and very happily) be sunning myself of the boat’s deck or the beach eagerly awaiting to hear all about it.
what finally clicked for him in this situation was the realization that i didn’t necessarily have to be experiencing everything with him underwater-he mainly just wanted me to be traveling with him to fun locations and be supporting his interests, which i am moooore than happy to do because our bigger shared interest is traveling. and let’s be honest, i would most likely take away from his experience of scuba diving by freaking out every 7 seconds underwater anyways.
in a few weeks he will venture under open water for the final part of his certification and i will be laying on the beach (with unobstructed breathing capabilities) with chilled wine in one hand, thumbs up on the other and a proud smile on my face for him pursuing a new passion!
the new wifestyle: maintain a sense of your own identity as an individual while supporting your significant other’s passions as well.
1) what is something your significant other does that you have zero interest in?
2) flip side: what do you love doing that they don’t?
3) have you been or do you ever desire to go scuba diving? (if not, you can come lay on the beach with me!)