Is My Biological Clock Broken?
as you know from my last post where i basically (wo)man-handled a pregnant lady, i am super intrigued and mystified by the process of bringing life into this world. well…not completely mystified by the whole process, i understand the birds and bees and the satin sheets but beyond that something grows inside of a woman and then comes out of her.
while i am immensely curious and so happy for my friends who are in the process of creating organs, eyes, a heart, fingernails, etc. on a human, this is not translating into increasing my feelings of wanting a baby sooner than later.
when my husband and i celebrated our 4th anniversary with promises of not making him laugh while drinking milk, i asked him if there was anything that had turned out differently than what he had in his mind from the day we got married. if you’ve been reading for a while, then you know we’ve won a world championship, have started 2 businesses together, moved to TX and back to portland within 6 months, given up dreams for others and so on so i was surprised by his answer.
him: “i thought you would be a little more interested and ready to have a kid together by now.”
me: “oh. hmmm. maybe my biological clock is broken because i feel no urgency or rush or surge of baby energy to procreate at the moment.”
him: “i know and that’s perfectly okay i just thought we’d be planning a bit more about having a baby than we are.”
me: “hmmm. yeah…i’m just going to go drink wine and color soooooo…”
let’s all take a minute and remember that having a baby is a choice and not a must for all women and families.
that being said, there is a pretty solid chance that my husband and i will have babies (well, i feel like i get a slightly larger say since it’s my womb and all) so it’s making me feel weird that i have almost zero pull and am not experiencing ‘baby fever.’ part of this could be that we are new business owners and “stability” isn’t in our every day language. maybe not all women get this feeling either.
granted, i’ll be 28 in a few months so that could be part of it too. my eggs still have a few years before they start ripening up (is that too weird of a visual?) and maybe i’ll feel a deeper sense of urgency as i get older.
i often just feel like there is a hype when you hit mid-to-later 20s about getting a ‘feeling’ that you just have to have a baby and maybe that feeling doesn’t exist for me. or maybe i will wake up one day and be overcome with the massive need to have something grow inside of me.
i am curious how many women have this feeling of suddenly getting the ‘urge’ to have a baby and others who may not feel it so intensely? like i said, i’m mystified and fascinated by the whole process so i also find it curious about women’s feelings leading up to wanting to try and get pregnant. i suppose if you have one of those ‘happy accident’ pregnancy, this feeling may also be absent but let’s talk about it!
Amanda
September 17, 2014 at 8:17 am
I think this whole thing is so fascinating too, and I’m trying to get the guts to open up about my own feelings about it on my site. For now, I just creep in other people’s comment spaces, haha. From about junior high (when we had to watch a birthing video in school) to maybe a year-ish ago, I swore I never ever wanted kids of my own. If anything, I said I’d adopt, but aint no baby coming from my loins. I was firm about this to my husband when we were dating, and my feelings never wavered. And then a few months after we were married, baby fever set in, big time. It came from nowhere, and I was so freaked out by my urge to suddenly produce a child, I didn’t even tell my husband about it for months, hoping it would go away. It didn’t. It only got worse. So I finally fessed up, which of course caught him off guard since for 8 years he thought I didn’t want kids, and right now we’re in the stage of trying to figure out timing, and come to terms with this whole new thing anyway. He’s been great enough this whole time to just say that he’s fine with kids or no kids, so he’ll support whatever I want to do. I went off BC a few months ago to get my cycle and hormones regular again before we even start trying, but you know what sealed the deal for me? I took a pregnancy test recently and was actually sad when it was negative. That moment I knew this was real and I should just embrace this new feeling. But still, it’s really weird and I have a lot of anxiety about not only birthing a baby, but being a (good) mom.
There, phew. I’ve been dying to get that out.
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chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 11:02 am
so glad you ‘creeped’ amanda and glad i’m not the only one fascinated by it all! thank you SO much for sharing what your experience has been and so interesting to hear about how you thought you’d never want kids “from your own loins” (HA!) to suddenly getting this crazy urge out of nowhere!
that’s excellent that your husband is supportive about your wishes and the changes (we can change our mind-thank goodness). and wow to going off birth control and sealing the deal with the negative pregnancy test-good for you for embracing your new feeling and allowing yourself to change your mind on it!
i hope you do write more about your thoughts and feelings amanda, because i think it’s a unique perspective and more women probably experience than we think! thank you for sharing your honest self and congratulations on starting the process!
sam truman
September 17, 2014 at 8:55 am
Hey!!!
I def need to go read your last post about “man handling” your pregnant friend! I must have missed the facebook link!
Anyway, we (obviously) had a happy surprise pregnancy at the lovely age of BARELY 19. HAHA! but I do feel that all my life i have KNOWN I will be a mother someday. It’s just this longing within. (I know it sounds like I’m going all spiritual and weird) but its true! And not all women feel that way. But you are right it could be stability. That is a HUGE reason why we have not created another little human.
Also I am feeling that baby fever coming now that Matthew is 3 1/2. Weird right? I think its probably b/c I feel he NEEDS a brother/sister. I heard this somewhere and it stuck with me “the greatest gift you can give your child is a sibling” and I fully intend to do that. 😉
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 11:08 am
it was a little bit ridiculous but thankfully my bestie understands my need and fascination with her pregnant belly so she let me!
thanks so much for sharing some of your story sam and yay happy surprise that turned into adorable and sweet boy! that’s great that you felt from within that you’ve always wanted to be a mom and for some reason i just haven’t felt that (maybe yet or maybe i won’t).
exciting that you are thinking about giving matthew a sibling and that’s a great quote! i know i’m glad to have my sister even if i was quite a nasty older sister for a while…
Kristi
September 17, 2014 at 9:08 am
I’m probably not your target demographic, 39 and single, but I have never had a desire for children.
I’m doing OK on my own and the thought of supporting another life frightens me.
I have laundry in drier from three days ago and medicines with expiration dates from when Bush is in office. I’m fine with those decisions but I wouldn’t expose a helpless individual to them.
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 11:12 am
thanks kristi for your comment and so glad to hear you are ‘ok on your own’ because that is what life is about. being okay with your own feelings and wants and desires and thrilled that you are living that!
haaaa hilarious examples of laundry in the dryer (i just hit my new maximum of 2 weeks in the dryer when i did laundry while recovering from jet lag. whoops) appreciate your comment kristi!
Brittany
September 17, 2014 at 9:42 am
Well if you are broken then so am I. I feel the same way but maybe mine is worse because I don’t feel weird about it at all. I have my career that keeps me working 60-70 hours a week and I like my life that way. My husband works and travels for work so really we are in no way, shape or form ready for any sort of responsibility than ourselves. I think you should not feel weird about it either. I think that it is completely normal and I am hoping that one day I have that nurturing feeling that would make me want to take care of another human, so far, not there. My husband knew when we got married that I had big plans of being a workaholic and hasn’t breached the subject.. except when we were talking about getting a new car and he started thinking ahead. The conversation came out that we may one day have kids and that this car may need to actually transport more than just the two of us one day. I wasn’t thrilled but it did make me sit down and think that this is a real possibility. I was also irritated because I still have so many things I want to do and I hate planning that far ahead. So we talked a bit and IF we have kids.. we know it will be later. We also agreed that we want more than one kid if we do (my husband is an only child and doesn’t recommend it ). But what we also discussed was adoption. I am such a fan of giving a home to someone that doesn’t have one. This helped me a bit as I could delay having a child of my own and then adopt later on when I may not have those “ripe eggs” anymore. To me this was a good option, but of course I am also still not feeling that nurturing feeling and so as of now this is all very theoretical but nothing I currently worry about.
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 11:18 am
whew glad to hear i’m not alone in my feelings brittany and i think you might just be doing a better job warding off a lot of society’s messaging about women needing to have this feeling!
i think you make a HUGE point of talking about how you and your husband had these conversations from the beginning and you shared how important your work and career is to you and there is nothing wrong with that!
glad you also brought up adoption and how that is such a valuable and perfect choice for so many people (we’ve talked about that too). that does also give you the option to wait longer too because (unfortunately) there will always be children in need of amazing homes with quality parents. thanks so much for expressing your feelings around this topic, brittany and keep rocking it and not worrying about theoretically babies!
Brittany
September 17, 2014 at 10:15 am
Wow. The idea of having babies scares the ish out of me. A lot. A couple of wives of my boyfriend’s medschool colleagues are pregnant right now and I can’t even imagine. I do know that I will want to have children someday but I also have approximately NO desire right now. I’m still only 24 (ok, I’ll be 25 in 5 days) and not married (and not engaged or planning on it anytime soon) so I’m sure that’ll change at some point. But I also get the stability thing. I know I’m personally not happy in my current job and know I will want to be doing something I love before committing myself to having babies. I also really really enjoy spending time with my boyfriend and not having to share my time or my love with another human right now. But yeah, I know someday I will choose to have children. Just not yet!
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 11:26 am
haaa don’t worry it scares me too, brittany! it’s so foreign and there is absolutely nothing to compare either the birthing process or being a parent to! and most importantly…HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH!
i think that’s great that you do know you want children but also know and are comfortable with not having them right now. you also gave me a great idea for another post because my husband and i also talk a lot about how much it will change our relationship. i LOVE that most of his time and attention is focused on me and we have the freedom to fully enjoy just each other right now. that’s huge so let’s continue to enjoy it!
Debra
September 17, 2014 at 10:22 am
My husband and I were married at 20. We thought we would have kids around age 23. Twenty-three rolled around and we pushed it to 25 going along on our merry way….working, sailing, hanging out with friends. Twenty-five rolled around and my parents were starting to ask if we were ever planning to have kids. It was finally around age 27 that we looked at each and said, now it is time. I truly believe you will know if and when it is right for the both of you. I will say raising children is one of the hardest things I have ever done but it also one of the most wonderful and rewarding things in the world. I am not sure one can grasp the true feeling of how wonderful it is until you see and hold in your arms that precious little life you have created.
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 11:36 am
thanks for sharing your story, debra and it’s interesting to hear about how you thought you’d have/want kids at a certain age but when that age rolled around…you were enjoying where you were at then! thanks for also being real about having children being one of the hardest things you’ve ever done but also so rewarding 🙂 it’s true that i really cannot grasp the feeling of being a parent (although the amount of love i feel towards our new dog is crazy…) so perhaps one day i will know that feeling!
thanks for your comment!
Paula Howley
September 17, 2014 at 10:31 am
Remember-there is no “good time” to have a baby. If you wait for the optimal time to have a baby, the human race is dead.
Next. When I was 30-33 I was with a man (an American no less) who I thought I would marry and have kids with. I was excited about the prospect but I felt no real PULL to have a baby with him during that time, which is good since he was the only man to ever dump me and destroy my heart. Of course I was pretty pissed at him because I was 33 and a half when that happened and I figured those were my optimal baby having years and now I was going to have to start all over with someone else and only God knew how much time THAT was going to take.
Well, it turned out to be 13 months later that I moved to BC and in with Lloyd. Of course I was going on 35 at the time and was thinking about it quite a bit more.
I hadn’t even quit smoking and drinking then yet though so I had lots of work to do on myself. A year and a half later we were married and 7 months after that I got pregnant so I had Meaghan when I was 38.
Now I’m glad we got Meg and I know it wouldn’t have been her if it had been earlier but I do wish my body had been younger when I did this. I also didn’t have any friends my age going through it either and I think that makes a difference.
I felt the pull because being a mom was an experience I wanted to have and I knew I was running out of time. and Chels- I’ll be honest with you because I think you are a lot like me in temperament but luckily you are much smarter than I was at a much younger age and you also have an amazing man which helps immensely. It’s a lot harder than anyone says it is.
Paula Howley recently posted…Public Presentations For Kids
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 11:42 am
ha..fair enough about not waiting too long for the ‘perfect time’ paula but i do know i need more stability than what i’m experiencing now!
i am sorry to hear that damn american destroyed your heart but good silver-lining that you in fact did not have kids with him! thanks for being open about how you do wish your body had been younger, i’ve heard that from some of my other friends who have babies later in life. i think we are a lot alike paula and i see you being a kick-ass feminist mama and it encourages me that i can be the type of parent i want to be 🙂
agreed that i’m pretty lucky to have an amazing man (who is way more ready to be a parent than i am currently) and i know he will make an out-of-this-world-phenomenal father so that does make my heart happy. thanks for your thoughts on this paula-i was hoping you’d comment!
Christina
September 17, 2014 at 1:06 pm
Excellent topic, Chelsea. I guess I’ve been thinking more about the whole baby-makin’ thing since Jesse and I got married in May (mainly because people were asking my mom AT THE WEDDING when we were planning on having kids…um, what?).
Here’s my story: My mom had me at 42. I came out 100% healthy (even though I should have been born with 3 arms, or something, according to what the media says about the dangers of having kids after, like, 24). I was never embarrassed about having older parents. In fact, I thought my parents were way cooler because they had experienced so many things together before having me. As an adolescent I always told friends I wanted to wait until I was older to have kids. Even as a kid I admired how responsible and mature my parents were about having me.
I’ve never had that “urge” you speak of, either, though I fully respect women who do. I think there’s a lot of pressure coming from numerous sources (friends, family, the media, society-at-large) that makes women feel like they have to have a baby in order for their lives to feel complete (after all, creating life is a “gift” that only women have). And, worse, I think there’s a lot of information out there that makes women feel guilty about choosing not to have a child.
My husband and I are on the same page when it comes to children. We see ourselves as citizens of the world, and we think it’s more socially responsible not to have kids.There are billions of people putting pressure on our planet’s resources. And, for us, it would be selfish to have child, particularly when there are millions of kids who need and deserve love. Maybe someday we’ll adopt or foster but, for now, we’re content living our lives for ourselves and for the loved ones we are already so blessed to have in our lives.
//End rant. Just a topic I have a lot of opinions about.
Christina recently posted…#ootd [in love with lace]
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 2:23 pm
isn’t that crazy how quickly after you get married, the questions start rolling in about baby-making?! back off my sex life and reproduction status, hot dang!
i am also relieved to hear you did not come out with 3 arms, though that might make for a very interesting blog. that is great that you love having older parents and can appreciate where they came from in choosing to wait. totally agree that there is a lot that may feed into the ‘feeling’ that comes from friends/family/society and the strange way we question women and couples who consciously decide not to have kids.
it’s so great to hear that you and your husband frequently talk about this and are on the same page. i can definitely see your point that there is already a lot of people on the earth and children that need and deserve love. it’s excellent that you are content where you are now and thank you for your insight and thoughts-it’s much appreciated!
chelsea recently posted…Is My Biological Clock Broken?
Vivien
September 17, 2014 at 1:11 pm
Paula if you read this, I agree with your first sentence. Some days I really hate how us women have to think about juggling so many different things like career, and the timeline never seems to match with nature’s timelines for procreation. In comparison to her peers, my mother wasn’t young when she had me, which brings about a whole new set of challenges, such as getting a whole bunch of tests done to make sure I didn’t have Downs’ Syndrome, etc.
I’ve met many women all over the spectrum. I fondly recall one of my teachers in high school saying for many years she didn’t want kids. I think she was married for at least seven years, then one summer she suddenly wanted kids and got pregnant. I think she has two kids now. I’ve known parents’ friends that wanted to have kids from the get-go, but biology wouldn’t let that happen. It was tough on the whole family even though everyone was supportive.
The way I see it, it’s a darn tricky balancing act. If you wait too long, you may have more stability (i.e. economically) but it increases the risks biologically. If you have kids earlier, then the economics may not be as good.
Given the fact that I’m still single and not even close to reaching “that point”, I do get a nagging feeling every once in awhile. It’s a feeling that says, if I ever reach “that point” (getting married) having kids won’t be a choice I get to make, but rather a choice that will be made for me. That is what is scaring me the most right now.
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Paula Howley
September 17, 2014 at 2:11 pm
I just want to say to Viv – make sure your man is ok with your choice to have or not have babies BEFORE the wedding. That will relieve some of your pressure anyway.
Paula Howley recently posted…Public Presentations For Kids
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 2:29 pm
second that! so many conversations are left out before you seal the deal which can be extra rough on a marriage. i think it’s also important to talk about how we grow and evolve as people too and it’s okay to change our mind!
Vivien
September 17, 2014 at 4:47 pm
I second (third? fourth?) that Paula and chelsea! I figure it’s going to be “rough” over the next several years. Right now I’m looking for a guy that would want to have kids, but if it goes on long enough, it will have to turn into finding a guy that’s okay not ever being able to have kids.
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 2:28 pm
it is really interesting how personal preference, nature and society all play into having kids, isn’t it vivien? such a tough balancing act and i get what you’re saying about being financial stable vs still wanting your body to deliver the healthiest baby possible. not to mention still juggling career, relationships, marriage (or not), health, personal sanity…whew.
thanks for sharing your story and thoughts around the topic vivien! and hopefully you mean ‘a choice made for you’ by your feelings, intuition and nature and not a bossy husband or something (in fact..i know you didn’t mean the latter) 🙂 there is only so much we can control, which scares me too!
Vivien
September 17, 2014 at 4:56 pm
I guess I didn’t explain very well eh? haha.
“Choice made for me” is one made by my biological clock expiring vs. me sitting down with the guy beforehand and saying “do you want kids or not? how many?” etc. Scares me the most that I may not be able to make this choice before my ovaries decide “okay! that’s it for this lifetime!”
Bailey Moore
September 17, 2014 at 1:46 pm
I’ve been married for four years too, Bothand I have two small kids. Both of my kids were planned, but I never experienced “the urge” to reproduce. My husband and I both wanted a family, we considered the advantages of being young parents (and disadvantages) and used our brains to make the decision. I love the feels as much as the next girl, but there’s no way I’d base a life altering decision on them.
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 2:31 pm
thanks for sharing your story, bailey! i think i may be in the same boat someday of planning our potential future children but maybe not experiencing the urge and that’s okay! glad to hear you and your husband used those super helpful things called brains and did what works best for you both!
i do tend to base a lot of my decisions on my feels and intuition (and the other half on planning and analyzing) so that’s why it’s weird for me to not have any (maybe…yet)!
thanks for your comment and enjoy those two cute kids!
chelsea recently posted…Is My Biological Clock Broken?
Jessica Herrera
September 17, 2014 at 2:05 pm
With all that you are creating and giving back to the world through your own self discovery, life pursuits, and great accomplishments…it surprises me none that you just don’t feel it yet! So carry on sister doing your thing and dancing your dance
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 2:32 pm
awww thanks jessica! so appreciate your sweet words and you know what..i will keep dancing my dance even if it’s messy and crazy and looks like i’m getting electrocuted sometimes 🙂
keep dancing your dance and excited for your new addition!
Rachel G
September 17, 2014 at 3:45 pm
I’ve known plenty of people who don’t want kids at all…but I know I do, though I want the actual result of having awesome kids than the 40 week process it takes to get one. If it wasn’t for that process we’d have them already (I’m rather a kid fan). I think I feel a pretty strong pull to have kids as soon as its feasible (and I’m 23) largely because I’m practical–from everything I’ve heard, recovery for mom goes much faster and easier at a younger age and there can be less complications for baby too. I have a sister 16 years younger than me and she hasn’t been quite as hearty as the rest of us kids, and recovery was pretty rough on my mom, while all 6 of her pregnancies that were in her 20s she was totally active and healthy, so seeing that kind of made me believe that in general the statistics are true. Plus the fact that the genetics in this case are mine, too.
Also for the practical aspect–I want to be a young parent. I think it’s awesome to have grown up kids and still be relatively young. My parents are 43 and 45 and have 3 grown kids out gallivanting around the world. We’d obviously not be that young of parents…Angel’s already 30…but still, I think young parents of grown kids are pretty awesome…
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chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 9:50 pm
thanks for your comment rachel and i think that’s great you are a kid-fan 🙂 i was really intrigued about hearing that you’ve seen differences in your sister who is 16 years younger than you and i’m sure the recovery time would be even rougher for your mom!
you also make a interesting point about wanting to be a young parent for when you have grown children-then there is a greater chance of everyone still being more active to do things together! thanks for your thoughts rachel and hope positive thoughts your way for a baby when ready!
Britni
September 17, 2014 at 5:28 pm
Here’s the deal…I am 28 on Friday and childless. I have been called selfish, lazy, and boring for not wanting a little human. I am in the same place as you. Maybe one day I will wake up and I want to be a mom. I have no doubt in my parenting abilities. I would do just fine. What worries me is a lack of resources on this planet. Does our planet need more people? Probably not. Are we running out of clean, drinkable water? yes. Is climate change a big deal? Yes. Are there a TON of kids that already don’t have parents? Yes. Ok, I will admit, I have a bit of “dooms-dayer” in me, but when I think of all of these things and realize that my future children will have to live through that, It makes me sad. I think not having kids is one of the most selfless things I can do right now….by me not having them, it allows the amazing kiddos that are already in the world to have more. Never say never though….time will tell.
chelsea
September 17, 2014 at 9:53 pm
loooved the points you brought up britni-they totally made me think and get all dooms-day-y too but true and scary reality. i’m sorry that you’ve been called selfish and lazy and boring because you don’t have a child. people are weird and say dumb things. i was talking with a woman tonight about this and how we find it acceptable to ask “oh why DIDN’T you want to have kids” when women don’t and very rarely do we ask women who do have kids “what made you WANT to have kids.” crazy stuff.
and of course…happy early birthday! when you frame it the way you did, i think that it can be seen as selfless to give the children already on the earth more by not adding to them. interesting thoughts-thanks!
Bridget Lohman
September 17, 2014 at 10:30 pm
Well having just had a baby a few months ago I definitely had the feeling but pretty much my whole life. I was an early babysitter at the age of 13 and always playing with and watching my baby cousins. I studied child development in college because I knew I wanted to work with children. Now I own a home daycare business with 8 kids including my own baby. I haven’t always had my life figured out or knew what I wanted but I have always dreamed of being a mom. It was the one thing I knew I wanted in life.
I wouldn’t worry about your biological clock. That whole idea is silly in my opinion. Women are having babies later in life and they are all beautiful and even if you never get the urge you still have a great marriage and partner to travel through life with and that is just as great of an adventure as parenthood.
As for growing a human, it is the craziest thing ever. I look at my baby everyday and amazed that she grew in me and I made her (with a little help of course) she is so darn cute that it makes me anxious to grow another one though.
chelsea
September 18, 2014 at 12:21 pm
first off, i’ve seen pictures of your new baby bridget and she is the cutest!! sounds like you’ve always loved kids since you can remember and that’s so great! huge congratulations on opening up your own home daycare business-wow!!
thanks for your kind words of not worrying-i think we are all different and experience life and feelings differently so you are indeed right that i should be focusing on my great marriage and the life we are building right now 🙂
ahhh growing humans! it’s a tough job but somebody’s gotta do it. thanks bridget for adding to the discussion and keep loving on that babe!
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Amanda Wood
September 30, 2014 at 9:41 am
I’m right there with you. I am 28 and have no urge to procreate. I’m not sure I even want a child. I posted about this on my blog back in August and got some amazing supportive feedback. I was surprised. My lack or urge comes more from the fact that I don’t think I’m the right kind of person to be a mom. I like the idea of a child, but when I think about the reality of it, it’s not something I really want to dive into.
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chelsea
October 5, 2014 at 4:07 pm
whew glad i’m not alone, amanda! i think that is perfectly okay with not even knowing whether or not you even want a kid (i feel that too). so glad you had such amazing supportive feedback when you wrote about this (i’ll have to go find your post about it!)
Lauren @ Magnolia Street
October 4, 2014 at 8:36 am
I loved this little insight into your conversation – and I also LOVE that you aren’t just having babies because you think you’re supposed to! It’s so refreshing to see other couples going at their own pace and living the lives they feel led to lead, not PUSHED to lead, you know?!
chelsea
October 5, 2014 at 3:51 pm
i agree that it is refreshing to find other couples that are doing their own thing and making choices based on what’s best for them and not just the ‘here’s the plan and what you do’ thing. thanks for your comment lauren and loved your post about this too!
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