How to Know If You “Married Up”
how to know if you married up?
do you ever look at your partner and think “how the hell did i land you?!” sure, maybe not every day like when they ask you where the car keys are for 17th time or when they literally see everything as they pull your child from your body…but like, all those other days.
the days when you come home to a clean house, dinner on the table, extra large glass of malbec poured and he’s wearing your favorite t-shirt. yes, yes, those are some of my favorite days but you get what i’m saying.
those days when your partner goes above and beyond, seems to meet all your ‘love language‘ needs and smells really nice. those days.
here are 4 ways you know you married up:
1) you don’t carry all the weight
no, i don’t mean in your hips – i mean in your relationship and your life. you both take your turns being ‘strong’ when the other one is struggling. it ebbs and flows. you feel like the responsibilities are fair between you two (that doesn’t necessarily mean equal in every way). your spouse is working hard at marriage/career/parenting/household chores/etc. in ways that work for the two of you.
2) you feel pride in your spouse
you get excited when your spouse succeeds! you celebrate their success as if it is your own. you like showing up to parties holding each other’s hand. you enjoy telling others about what your spouse is like.
3) you respect your spouse
you respect your spouse’s opinion (though you don’t always have to agree with it). you consider and appreciate their feelings and thoughts. they have a voice in your relationship and way of life. you hear, acknowledge and support their dreams, hopes and fears.
4) you BOTH feel these things
here’s the secret to a fulfilling marriage: both of you feel like you married up. i have talked to countless couples, young and old, in many parts of the world. the main thing i hear over and over is how each individual feels like he or she is incredibly lucky to have found the other.
i don’t love to admit this next sentence: i have been in an unhealthy relationship where i settled, knew it on some level, and felt superior to him. it wasn’t good for either of us.
i am thankful i cultivated new relationship habits and ended up with the person i did. we have many conversations about how we met, how we complement each other and how each of us feel lucky to have found the other. we both agree we married up!
what do you think? do you agree about both people feeling like they married up?