How Lindsay is Living The New Wifestyle in Her Marriage
i am thrilled to present you another profile of a wife who is living the new wifestyle! i plan to share these once a week at least through december and would love to feature more wives who are living in empowering marriages.
make sure you come back tomorrow because those big, anxiety provoking things that have been keeping me up half the night roll out on wednesday (positive vibes that i can convince my husband he doesn’t need adequate sleep tonight so he can help me!) i won’t say too much more but know that it’s going to be good and there may even be some prizes, resources and more!
let’s show lindsay some love and welcome her to TNW community by leaving comments about her story and thanks for sharing a piece of you here!
Lindsay is the sole blogger and owner of The Newlywed Notebook. She enjoys sharing with her readers the everyday struggles and triumphs of newlywed life and the lessons learned along the way. Lindsay loves Starbucks coffee, window shopping, refurbishing unique finds for the home, and spending quality time with her extended family. When she’s not sitting in front of the computer, you can find her working on various home renovation projects with her husband or playing with their adorable puppy, Stella.
I’ll be honest. Being a newlywed hasn’t been a walk in the park for me.
Here’s the quick recap of my husband and my love story: We met as awkward and shy 13 year olds, started “dating” in middle school, were together most of high school (with a few bumps in the road), started college in different states but ended up at the same school sophomore year, spent the rest of our college years together, and got married the summer after graduation.
We’ve been together almost literally forever. When I think about the fact that I’ve known my husband half my life already, it kind of weirds me out. I love that we are best friends though, and have already been through the ups and downs of life together. Going into marriage, we thought we knew everything about each other since we had been together so long. Which in hindsight, was not a great mental state to be in. You see, we figured that once we got married we would pretty much be Cory and Topanga – having little issues here and there like a broken pipe or a silly fight over who has to do the dishes, but nothing like we experienced.
There were a few months in the first year of marriage where we felt like we didn’t even really know each other – and that was shocking to us. Growing up, I didn’t have great examples of how to talk through things in a marriage and how to communicate with your partner. So during those first 6 months, when something came up I would just shut down. Well, you all know how the end of this story goes – my husband (not being an idiot) could tell that something was obviously wrong, I would try to keep it inside, and then we would both get frustrated with each other and explode.
It took a lot for us to get to a place where we were able to stop competing with each other and work to be teammates instead. There were many lengthy conversations, a lot of give and take, and even some tears. Looking back though, I’m glad we went through that time. Not because it was enjoyable, but because it showed my husband and I that we can get through anything. It gave me a story to be able to share with other newlyweds (and re-share with myself, when times get tough) that just because your marriage isn’t full of unicorns throwing confetti into the air under a double rainbow, doesn’t mean it’s time to throw in the towel. Marriage can be downright tough at times, but it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, or that your relationship isn’t strong enough to last.
I’m one of those crazies that believes marriages are lifelong commitments. Eric and I are in this thing for the long haul, and we know that that means there are going to be many more difficult days ahead, but hopefully many more awesome days to outweigh the bad. It took a lot to get us to this point, but we are finally at a place where we can relax and focus on enjoying our marriage and one another! We’ve gotten into a nice little routine that really suits our life and our relationship, and we couldn’t be more excited about it!
As far as some of the practical stuff:
My husband Eric and I have pretty traditional marriage roles. Not necessarily because we think we should, but just because that’s what works for us in our present situation and feels right to us right now.
Eric does the typical “man stuff” like mowing the grass, shoveling snow (which is a full time job in itself here in Wisconsin), and taking out the trash. I typically cover the cleaning, grocery shopping, planning dinner, and doing laundry. However, Eric really enjoys cooking, so he usually helps me with the meal prep. And I’ve been so impressed with him lately, as he’s really stepped up to help with the cleaning and the laundry since my work schedule has gotten a little crazy this past month.
Basically we take care of our “husband” and “wife” jobs, but if the other person needs help we are more than happy to help them get the task completed. As embarrassed as I am to say, we used to keep score a bit when it came to who did what and who owed who – but now that we’ve taken that aspect out of our relationship we are much less stressed, much more at peace, and much happier in our marriage!
As far as our finances, we share everything. That was something that was very important to us when we got married, because we knew that money is one of the biggest causes of marital strife. We didn’t want to have to worry about “his money” and “her money” and who was in charge of what financially. Eric pays the majority of our bills from our shared account (just because he’s faster at it), but if he ever can’t get to it I’m happy to fill in.
And for the more personal stuff?
Eric and I try to do a lot of activities together. Some of our favorite things to do are home remodel projects on our new house, Netflix movie marathons, and taking our little puppy Stella on mini-adventures. I think it’s really important for couples to find things they like to do together, even if it’s something silly. I think it gives you an opportunity to just relax and have fun together, and not worry about the house, the job, or all the obligations. Even if we can only do one little thing together a night, we try to make quality time a daily activity.
We also try to respect each other’s personal time. We really don’t like to be apart a lot, but we each have those certain activities that are important to us. For me, it’s working on my blog and doing dinner every once in a while with a friend. For Eric, it’s going golfing and participating whole-heartedly in whatever fantasy sport is in season. As much as we enjoy doing things together, I think it’s equally as important to have time apart, even if it’s just to remind yourselves of how much you do miss each other.
Final Marriage Advice?
I’m a total believer in that “never go to bed angry” is one of the worst pieces of marriage advice a newlywed can ever receive. Amanda touched on it in her wifestyle post so I won’t get into it, but just know I’m totally of the same mindset as her.
Additionally though, I think that people just need to get away from all the negative wisecracks and jokes about marriage that are dolled out to newlyweds like earplugs at a Jonas Brother Concert. I get that many of these people think they are being funny, but there are just some things that you should never say to newlyweds. It makes me sad that negative comments about marriage like that can really kill the spirit of an excited new bride and groom, who do not yet know anything except marital bliss.
So if I were to leave you with one piece of positive advice, it would be to embrace those tough times in your marriage. Sure, they are no fun when they are actually happening, but fight through them! Fight for your marriage, and allow those instances to be learning experiences that will do nothing but strengthen your marriage. Because if your marriage can persevere through the struggles, it will most certainly thrive in the triumphs!
So Tell Me…
What were some misconceptions you had about marriage before taking the plunge?
What is your favorite memory or activity that you’ve experienced with your significant other?