Having Anxiety About Lack of Anxiety
if you’ve been a reader for a while (thank you), then you know i’ve been sharing more about having anxiety and how it affects my life, my marriage and the journey i’m on to feel less anxious in my life. i love to travel but the actual act of traveling gives me anxiety. the anticipation leading up to a trip, especially the week before, can keep me up all night, make feel generally sick and start questioning if i should go on it at all.
on tuesday, my husband and i leave for mexico where he is speaking (and i’m working very hard on the beach). from there, we fly to australia where we will be speaking together. after that we fly to hong kong to do another workshop together and another “map to dreaming big” virtual event (remember that you can join us for that one!) okay, typing all that out made me feel a twinge of anxiety but for some reason i’m not experiencing the same amount of anxiety around these trips that i usually do and that in itself…is giving me anxiety.
sigh. can we ever win with anxiety?
at first i considered that maybe i was managing my anxiety much better (and i’m still going to believe this to be true). seconds later i realized i was “supposed” to be feeling a certain way. i was “supposed” to go through this ritual of torture before a trip. i was used to this anxious feeling and now that it’s much less than i’m used to, it’s making nervous.
isn’t that insane?!
part of my brain is telling me that something obviously must be wrong since i’m not having the “supposed normal reaction” to the situation. the other part of my mind is hoping this shows that what i’m doing to change how i cope with anxiety has been helpful.
isn’t it interesting that even though we want something to change so badly, when it actually starts to change, we panic and sort of want it to go back to the old way? i’m sure there is some psychological aspect i learned about in school as to why this is but it’s sort of freaking me out. for now, i’m just a confused, somewhat anxious, somewhat proud gal double checking (instead of 15 times checking) her packing list.
Audrey
May 15, 2015 at 10:52 am
You guys are going to have a FANTASTIC time and even if you forget something Mexico/Australia/China has drugstores and malls and everything you’ll need 😀 I get travel anxiety, too, and that’s one of the things I tell myself before we leave every time!
I used to make a list for everything. I had lists telling me to make lists. I started to reduce my number of lists and then started to have anxiety about not making my lists (even though I was still getting everything done)! I’m at a happy medium, but I absolutely understand what you mean about anxiety about lack of anxiety!
Audrey recently posted…Crushin’ and Committed
chelsea
May 15, 2015 at 1:55 pm
you are so right audrey so as long as i have my passport, camera and birth control i’ll be good (these are seriously the things i keep running over in my head) haha. i can get everything else.
glad you’ve found your happy medium with lists and also that you can relate to this strange new feeling of letting go of certain things to lead to better things!
Ashley @ Saving Money in your Twenties
May 15, 2015 at 1:17 pm
SO SO SO excited for you!!! I think that’s awesome that you aren’t feeling as anxious for this trip! I’m sure it will just take time for your brain to accept that you just won’t be as nervous as you used to be for these trips! I’m trying to think of an example where this occurs elsewhere in life but hmmm… can’t think of anything. Oh well. HAPPY FRIDAYYYY 🙂
Ashley @ Saving Money in your Twenties recently posted…Lessons from a Flat Tire
chelsea
May 15, 2015 at 1:56 pm
yay thanks ashley! you’re right that it’s going to take some time for my brain and body to adjust to not feeling as nuts. happy friday to you tooooo!
Charlene Maugeri
May 15, 2015 at 6:28 pm
Oh I get so anxious over the littlest things. Like getting ready for a trip. It’s the worst. However, I’ve gotten a lot better since marrying my husband. I don’t know if he’s rubbing off on me. (He’s very laid back) or if I just have more time to be organized now that I’m not in school anymore or if traveling with my life partner is less stressful than traveling was before. Anway, I think the fact that you’re not anxious is a good thing. Not a bad thing. But I totally get you on the “change is weird and induces anxiety itself” thing!
Charlene Maugeri recently posted…Five on Friday – Animal Videos
chelsea
May 16, 2015 at 1:40 pm
it is nice to be married to someone who is laid back, isn’t it charlene 🙂 it definitely helps! change is weird, even if it’s a good thing, i think you’re right! thanks for your comment!
Elyse
May 16, 2015 at 3:32 am
I’m so excited for you! I’m glad you aren’t feeling anxious about this trip. Anxiety is a strange, strange thing though, that I STILL haven’t figured out.
Elyse recently posted…The Later-Moon
chelsea
May 16, 2015 at 1:41 pm
i am getting pretty excited too! agreed that anxiety is a strange strange thing hah. at least we are working on it! thanks for your thoughts elyse 🙂
Melissa C
May 16, 2015 at 4:59 pm
I think this is normal though. At least I feel like it is… like once you’ve gotten used to something that’s your thing. You expect it to be there. Once it’s not there… even if it was something not “ideal” like anxiety… you get anxious about it. If that makes sense. I think try to embrace your new normal and have soo much fun on the beach!
Melissa C recently posted…Best Friends
chelsea
May 18, 2015 at 8:04 am
yeah you’re totally right melissa. it’s hard when you’re used to something and it isn’t there but i’m working on it 🙂 yay beach time!
Kayla
May 16, 2015 at 7:44 pm
No joke, I wake up every single morning and if I don’t feel anxious… I think, “Why don’t I feel anxious? What do I have to be anxious about?” And then I usually either remember something or think up something. Just yesterday I was laying down for a nap and my husband asked how I was doing and I told him I was anxious about something but not sure what. Weeee. Isn’t anxiety fun? I’m glad yours is letting up a bit!!!
Kayla recently posted…Lately.
chelsea
May 18, 2015 at 8:05 am
ahhhh i totally feel that kayla! i find myself searching for something to get anxious over when i wasn’t feeling as much anxiety as i was used to! so interesting. well at least we are working on it. thanks for this comment and hang in there!
Diana
May 18, 2015 at 7:36 am
Oh my goodness, I know exactly how you feel. I get so anxious leading up to a big trip. I mean there is so much to do! Also, my husband is so nonchalant that it drives me a little nutty. I feel like I have to OVER compensate for his lack of preplanning.
All the trips you are about to embark on sound so amazing. I’m jealous! Have a ton of fun on them.
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chelsea
May 18, 2015 at 8:06 am
ohhh spot on with “over compensate for his lack of preplanning!” i feel that too! my husband is just so go with the flow that i also feel like i have to stress enough for the both of us! really appreciate your comment on this diana, thank you.
Katherine
May 18, 2015 at 10:46 am
You are not alone! There was a period on my life where I was on meds for my anxiety and something that normally triggered anxiety would happen and I my brain would panic but I didn’t have the physical reactions I was so used to. It was so strange!
Sarah Elizabeth || SEDiva Abroad
May 23, 2015 at 11:15 pm
I actually know exactly how you feel, haha. So sorry you’re feeling this way, but don’t worry at all! You’re writing seems to take the whole situation with a grain of salt, and I have to say that that seems a great way to do it. xx Safe travels!!
Sarah Elizabeth || SEDiva Abroad recently posted…14 day relationship challenge