Advice for a Great Marriage

my husband and i were given a beautiful gift from his parents on night before our wedding. little did we know but over the 2 years that we were engaged, they asked our family members, friends, people on the airplane, strangers at restaurants and so on what advice they would give to a young couple. here’s is what was discovered…

• “Marriage is like a living thing. You must feed and nurture it continuously. Like any living thing, it changes with time. With that change comes many emotions- excitement  confusion, joy, anger, passion and hope. Guide these feelings with love and respect and you will have the foundation for a lasting and successful relationship.” Mark, my father-in-law, married 40 years this year
• “Stay attracted to your partner, not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.  Also remember to take care of each, from the little things to the big things. Last, never put anyone or anything before your partner.” Kathy, my mother-in law, married 40 years this year
• “Always say: ‘Yes, dear.'”- Mike, married 45 years
• “You are not responsible for her/his happiness; she/he is not responsible for your happiness. However, you are both responsible for the happiness of the relationship.”-Becky, married 16 years
• “Always have fun.”- Diane, together 27 years
• “Life will always be busy, don’t forget to make time to do the things together that will keep your relationship loving and strong.”-Clint, my dad
• “You must have mutual trust.” – Nip
• “The man who tells you he is the boss of his wife will lie to you about other things too.”-Darrel
• “A marriage is a partnership between to partners to form a lasting relationship. This decision is the foundation for its continued existence, for marriage to successful, it must be continually created. Create your marriage on a daily basis and make it a happy, successful and adventureous one.” -Raul
• “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” -Farah
• “Don’t do it! I have been married 8 times, I should know.” -Alligator Mike (he lives with alligators for real)
• “Listen.”-Peter, married 16 years
• “Listen.”-Tammie, 28 years together
• “Listen.”-Jackie
• “The world can be a very inattentive place, make your marriage the safe harbor it should be.”-Sean, my step-dad, married for 15 years
• “Marriage is a partnership. It is a union between two individuals, each with their own strengths and weaknesses that must be recognized and respected.” -Mindy, my mom, remarried for 15 years
• “10% of what you do drives each other crazy, over look it.”-Dan, married 33 years
• “Forgive more than necessary.”-Dwayne
• “Your two most valuable assets are Honor and Trust. Guard them with your life.”- Bob, married 40 years
• “Work through your issues, don’t let them be unresolved!”-Kathy, 32 years
• “You must have 100% trust.”-Greg, together 15 years
• “Communication! Understanding helps to work through the tough times. Work through them together. There is a grand reward that stays with you all of your life.”-Ginny, married 22 years
• “Allow your spouse space.”-Ted, married 34 years
• “Treat your spouse like royalty.”-Rhonda, married 17 years
• “Always treat your spouse with respect.”-Velma
• “Listen, talk and always keep it a two-way street.”-Rick
• “Never embarrass or put your spouse down.” -Annie J., my husband’s grandmother, married 29 years
• “Have a good sense of humor!”- Dora, married 37 years
• “Always guard your family.”-Joseph, married 37 years
• “Always be polite.”-Carl
• “Always admit when you are wrong and don’t be afraid to say you are sorry.”- Roxie, married 38 years
• “Always remain best friends, with love and laughter in your hearts!”-Carole, my nana, married 57 years
• “The  marriage requires a partnership based not on 50/50 but a 60/40 understanding. Lots of trust in my wife who is also my best friend. Openness and honesty-no secrets. Two important considerations: always rent a single kayak and always have two automobiles.”- Dave, my papa, married 57 years
• “Marry for life, don’t quit when things get tough.”-Bob, married 30 years
• “If it is important to your wife’s happiness, then do it.”-Miquel, married 51 years
• “Communication is everything.”-Elaine
• “Communicate. Be trustworthy, loyal and respectable. And treat her like a queen!”-Teri
• “Life is full of ups and downs, constant change-marriage is just like that. When you see the twinkle in her eye, remember why you married her.”- Gregg, married 27 years
• “Be sure to have fun!”-Debbie
• “Everyday remind yourself why you chose this person as your life partner.”-Karen, married 48 years
• “Give each other the space and respect to have different view points and to approach problems from a different angle. Realize that as every person grows older, we become wiser and our individual aspirations may change, so to them must you.”-Dave, married 45 years
• “It is a lot of work, but it’s worth it.”-Todd
• “It is far better to make every day special than to just make special days special.” -Carl, married 30 years
• “Show your spouse on a daily bassi that they are special to you.” -Margaret, married 30 years
• “You must respect each other married.” -Janet, married 22 years
• “My wife has to be my best friend.” -Ivan, married 22 years
• “Mutual love, respect, and tolerance.” -Pat, married 53 years
• “Tolerance, respect and love.” -Herb, married 53 years
• “Always communicate.”-Ryan Avery, married almost 3 years
• “It’s important to remember that you are still an individual who is choosing to be in a committed partnership. You need to allow room for growth-both as a person and in your relationship and keep your marriage a priority.”- Chelsea T. Avery, married almost 3 years
• “Never give up and stay in peace in every situation.”- Janae’s grandma, married 62 years
• “Learn how to fight. Fighting is good, it means the two of you have the balls to stand up for yourselves. It’s a healthy way to express yourselves but do it in a way without getting so irate and angry that you want to rip their head off. Calm down, take a deep breath, and try to empathize with your spouse. If you become defensive and only think of yourself, you will never solve anything. You must compromise and admit when you’re wrong. Second piece of advice-it’s true what they say, “The first year of marriage is the hardest.”- Janae, married 3 years
• “Remember find ways to rediscover that you love your partner every day and that no matter how much you love each other, it will be work.”- Jennifer, married 2 years
• “Marriage is not 50/50. It’s working together 100% of the time.” Jeremy’s grandparents, married 60 years
• “To listen, laugh, and enjoy every moment because there is always something to take away from each moment.”- Alana
• “Be supportive and encourage each other. Fight the battles together. Not 1 person “wins” or is right. Conquer hardships together.”-Jennifer, married 5 years

you can see there are a few common themes as to what makes a successful marriage but no steadfast equation. the key is to figure out what works (and doesn’t work) for the two of you and give it all you’ve got.

the new wifestyle: it is important to hear what has worked for others in their relationship and marriage but it is equally important to figure out what works for your relationship.

questions:
1) what advice have you heard from others regarding relationships?
2) what advice would you give to newlyweds?
** please include your name, length of commitment (if applicable) because i will add it to the list!
3) are there any pieces of advice you disagree with?