7 Ways to Start Dating Your Spouse Again
before we jump into the 7 ways to start dating your spouse again, let’s acknowledge that if you’ve been together with your partner for a while, you may have noticed your comfort level increasing. this is generally a good thing but every relationship has it’s TMI threshold and ours was finally reached after 7 years of being together.
to fully grasp this concept, you may want familiarize yourself with the post why my husband and i started dating again. it captures my granny-panty tendencies, overexposure of bodily functions and feeling more like best friends/roommates than lovers.
rather than tell you more 7 more embarrassing/oversharing moments between me and my husband, i’d rather share 7 ways to start dating your spouse again. please note these also work for boyfriend/girlfriend/partners/significant others too but maybe not dogs.
these are things we have implemented over the past 3 months after we decided we needed to start ‘dating’ again. our extreme comfort levels were not helping us feel sexy/passionate towards each other and we were starting to feel more like roommates and less like husband and wife.
7 WAYS TO START DATING YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN
1) close the bathroom door:
this may seem basic but i’ve talked to plenty of couples who are very comfortable using the bathroom in front of each other (we were too…well only ‘yellow because it’s mellow.’) i get it, it’s convenient, especially if you only have 1 bathroom in your home like we do. however, this act of having some privacy when you’re doing your business has helped us get down to business more ofte (see what i did there?)
2) keep it to yourself:
this is along the same lines of relieving yourself with the door shut but no one wants to hear your burps and farts. remember when you were dating and the mere thought of letting a little squeaker out was mortifying?! go back there for a little while. your spouse and the air will thank you. ladies, i can also assure you that our husbands don’t want to hear about how heavy our flow is either. keep it to yourself.
3) class up the joint:
you don’t need to spend a fortune to create a more romantic atmosphere. how about bringing some candles into the bedroom? this occurred here last week and let me tell you…sparks flew. not literal sparks because that would be a fire hazard. do something to class up your bedroom to make it feel a little more romantic than if you were sharing the bedroom with your platonic BFF.
4) dress up:
i don’t mean you need to put on your prom dress and dance around (but if you do that take a video and send it to me) but remember when you put a little more effort in to your appearance and didn’t wear the same shirt 3 days in a row? this is less about trying to impress your spouse and more about you feeling better about yourself! chances are your spouse may not notice when you’re wearing a nicer shirt and did your hair but you will and that carries out in multiple levels of your relationship.
5) go (slightly) out of your way:
remember when you were dating and would buy each other a coffee, a surprise cookie or just leave a little note for the other one to find? do that again. those little things go incredibly far. they can be inexpensive and less than 5 minutes of your time. i’m pretty sure your spouse is at least worth that.
6) make time together:
yeah yeah life is busy and stressful and it’s hard to find the time just for each other, i get it. bad news…you probably won’t “find” the time, you have to MAKE it! agree to chill out on the netflix marathons and actually spend quality time together. get off buzzfeed and feed each other (weird? maybe). somehow when you first started dating, didn’t it seem like all you wanted to do was spend time together? think about why that was and go do those things together again!
7) acknowledge this:
one of the nice things about not actually being 100% in the dating zone is that you are hopefully able to communicate about this. marriages and partnerships take both people’s energy and the desire to make it a priority. when you want to see something change in your relationship, talk about it. come from a place of wanting to increase intimacy, not to place blame or nag and be patient. even after 3 months of trying this out, my husband and i still have to give reminders of “heeey! we’re dating again…don’t tell me about that!”
i still want my husband and me to feel incredibly close and comfortable with each other but what i’ve found through this is that we can still feel close while also feeling more attracted to each other.
please feel free to share this with your spouse or pass along to a friend who would enjoy reading it. after all, most people could use a little more passion and a lot less burping in their lives!