5 Things I Know for Sure After 5 Years of Marriage
today marks the fifth year i have been a wife! last year i wrote about promises to my husband on our 4th anniversary but five years feels like one of those milestones. you know, like the specific ages on birthday cards when you turn a certain age? yeah, it feels like that.
our five years have been filled with needing space, starting to date again, dealing with my intense anxiety but also happy times, like staying at the nicest hotel ever, traveling to far off distances and working to win a world championship. we are pretty different people that tend to experience the world quite differently but our values align and we make each other laugh like no one else can.
we respect each other, we forgive each other and we dream with each other. five years feel both like a long time to be married as well as knowing we still have a lot to learn about it and each other. i reflected on the biggest things i know for sure after five years of marriage and look forward to learning even more!
5 Things I Know For Sure After 5 years of Marriage
1) you will change
both you and your spouse will change. it is inevitable. you may be sitting there thinking “oh i hope not, i like it just the way things are” or “oh i hope so, things have got to change.” either way, things will change. you will continue to grow and evolve in ways you might not even know yet (if you would have told me 3 years ago i would go from social worker to entrepreneur, i would have punched you in the arm out of pure crazy talk.).
you want to be changing because that means you are growing. it is not always comfortable but the pursuit of new capabilities isn’t supposed to be. allow space and time for both yourself and your partner as these changes come about. be patient with them and embrace them.
2) it will exhaust you at times
by now, we have all probably heard something along the lines of ‘a good marriage takes work.’ i can attest to this. if anyone ever tells you they have it easy all the time, please pass me their information because i’d love to study them. even the best communicators, with the best skills and the best intentions will still have to work at their marriage and it can become exhausting. two different people that experience the world differently, this is bound to happen.
there will be days when you just can’t keep having the same conversation about moving/babies/buying a house/where the hell your wallet is/etc. and you will feel exhausted. take a breather, know it’s normal and this too shall pass.
that being said, if you continue to keep having the exact same conversation and expect different results, that won’t happen. try new things and take new action to get to a different result.
3) keep adventuring together
it’s easy to fall into a routine and partly that’s okay. as humans, we often crave routine. the downfall with a routine is that your actions and habits become automatic. the routine of a kiss when one of you walks in the door is nice, but don’t let it become a dull, monotonous occurrence where you just go through the motions. keep the adventure there, no matter how small! hold the kiss longer, grab the booty, slip ’em some tongue.
seek adventures together, whether that’s quirky date nights near home or traveling to far off places, continue to do new things together and don’t get stuck in a routine.
4) stay best friends
nothing makes me happier than when i see my husband and he says “i’ve been waiting all day to tell you this news!!!” he hasn’t told his other friends, his parents, his sister or anyone else. he has saved the news for me first. this makes me feel special and confirms that i am indeed, his best friend.
being spouses as well as lovers and best friends seems to be the best equation. yes of course sex is great (even when sex drives are different) but that makes up only a small percentage of marriage. the rest of the time is best spent as best friends – laughing, learning and loving life together.
5) you have to make your marriage a priority
this is the biggest and most important thing that i know for sure. if you are not continuously choosing each other and choosing to make your relationship at the forefront of things, it will crumble. maybe you will be able to put the crumbs back together and maybe you won’t.
both of you have to commit to this. it doesn’t work if only one person commits. have a conversation about this and agree to making your marriage a priority. my husband and i have agreed to this from the beginning and we keep agreeing to it. when we started working together, we made the agreement that if our marriage starts to take a turn for the worse because of running a business together, we both agree to dissolve the business.
our marriage is a priority for the both of us and we wouldn’t have it any other way because the amount of joy, satisfaction and fulfillment it brings is worth the effort.
ryan austin turner avery, i love you with every fiber of my being and i promise to continue to grow as a person and a wife. thank you for being exactly who you are and loving me exactly as i am.